Until Tomorrow

The CD’s volume that was spinning in my player was all the way up. If anyone tried to knock on my door, or even call my name from outside the door I would not be able to hear them. This was the way I liked it.

“He used to take me for walks down by the shore,” I said in between my outbursts of singing, “we would lay there and watch the ocean foam. I can’t believe he broke up with me two years ago today.”

I found myself shaking my head. I didn’t want to believe that he dumped me exactly one year ago today. He was everything to me, for two years. I was fourteen when he asked me out, and sixteen when he decided to break up with me. I am almost eighteen now and still can’t wrap my mind around that thought.

Anna Maria, listen to me. Everything is going to be okay. You’re just a little…insane.

I am not crazy.

I just have a habit, that I can't break. But it's one of those habits that make people think that are you are crazy. But I am not crazy, I am probably the farthest thing. I am not a psycho. I am not suicidal and I am definitely not a murder. I don't do drugs, or alcohol.

It's not my fault I talk to myself.

And it's definitely not my fault he caught me having conversations with myself.

Or at least, that's what I want to believe.

I sat down on the carpet and let my back lean against the closet door, right next to my CD player. I put my face in my hands and willed myself not to cry.

“I am not crazy, I am not crazy. I am just fine.” I mumbled.

No one was in my room, except me. I wasn’t speaking to anyone other then myself. I couldn’t help it though, I’ve been doing this since I was twelve. It’s a habit, a very, very hard one to break. Believe me, I’ve tried. So many times for the past six years I’ve tried to get myself to not tell a full blown story to myself.

It doesn’t work.

No one cares when I tell them the stories, all my past experiences. No one other than him.

But I ruined that relationship. I’ll never get another one like it. I know that, but I still tell myself otherwise.

I put my head against the closet door and started to mumble the words that the singer was screaming to me. Halfway through a word, my phone started to ring. Sighing, I fished it out of my back pocket and hit pause on the CD player.

“Hello?” I asked.

“Anna Maria! What are you doing tonight at, like, nine?” Aubrey Jones, my best friend asked. I put the phone between my ear and shoulder and started to fiddle with my fingers.

“I don’t know, probably nothing.”

“Do you know the band from here? They’re called A Better Day.” Her voice was high pitched and very excited. Typical, Aubrey. Over excited about everything.
“No, I’ve never heard of them,”

“Really? They’re something you would listen to. Anyway, like I said they’re from here, so they’re still trying to get big. They’re playing at Stars, that little bar my brother works at. He said that it’s all ages so we can go. Rain said he would go but he has to work tonight, want to come along?” She rambled. Rain was her boyfriend of three years. Those two were inspirable, so I am really not surprised I was second best. I am always second best.

“Sure Bree, I’ll tag along. I am not doing anything anyway.”

“Great! My mom said you can sleepover too. So, I’ll pick you up at eight. Sound good?”

“Sounds good. I’ll see you then.” I said.

“Okay, see you soon.” I heard the click of the phone, indicating she hung up. I had an hour until Aubrey would be in my driveway waiting for me to get in her car. I sighed and hit the off button on my CD player. I grabbed a pair of shorts and a long tank top. The summer night in New York State would be muggy and hot. The club would probably be packed with people and very stuffy if this band is as good as Aubrey is making them to be.

I shook my head as I turned off the light.

“I can’t believe I said I would go with her.” I mumbled.

__________

I pulled the tote bag’s strap that was on my elbow up onto my shoulder. It was full of my clothes for the night and tomorrow. Just as I went to open the front door to go stand on the porch I heard my stepmother Grace’s voice.

“Where are you going Anna Maria?”

“Aubrey’s! I am staying over.” I called.

I heard her sigh, “It would be nice if you told me these things Anna Maria.” I stepped out onto the porch just as Aubrey’s horn went off for the third time.

“Why would you care? You’re not my real mom,” I snapped. She didn’t hear me manly, because the door was already closed. It’s not her fault though. She didn’t choose for my parents to get pregnant with me at Anna Maria Island all those years ago. She also didn’t choose for them not to get married. It wasn’t her fault that my dad broke up with her weeks before meeting my mom, and then to get back together with her a few years after I was born. It’s definitely not her fault that my mom left me here with her and my dad when I was about five.

“Get in the freaking car Anna Maria! Don’t just stand there!” Aubrey’s voice called. I nodded, and did as I was told.