This Bitch Just Blew Me Away

She felt a little awkward as she sat in the passenger’s seat of Austin’s SUV while he took her to the doctor for her sonogram. She would be finding out the sex of her baby today, and though she was happy to have him for emotional support, she felt awkward asking him to be there with her when he wasn’t even her boyfriend, let alone the father of her baby. But he didn’t seem to mind. There wasn’t much in the way of conversation, but it wasn’t tense. She was the only one that felt awkward, as he didn’t seem to notice the silence at all. His radio was on, and he would sing along to songs softly so not to bother her, and she would tell him when to turn so they could get to the doctor’s office in enough time for her appointment.

“So, do you have any idea what you want it to be?” he asked as they stopped in front of a red light. She looked up at him then, not sure how to answer his question.

“Uhm, I don’t really know,” she said. “I just want it to be okay you know, because I already have a lot of shit going on for the baby to not be okay.”

“That’s understandable,” he said.

“But I suppose I’d like a girl,” she said after a few seconds. He smiled to himself and she looked at him with annoyance. She hated when he got certain kinds of smiles on his face, they usually meant he was thinking something she wouldn’t like, and now his eyes were covered by dark sunglasses so she couldn’t begin to tell what he was thinking. “Why are you grinning like that?”

“Because, women always want girls. What’s so wrong with boys?” he smiled. She rolled her eyes.

“Nothing is wrong with boys, I would still be happy with a boy, I suppose, except he’d have no real male role model, you know?” she said. He nodded a little bit and then he cursed at the never changing light. He didn’t want to get into that subject with her. “I just think a girl would be easier. Because I am a woman, and I was a girl, I know how girls think.”

“I wish you’d give me some tips on that,” he said, and finally the light changed and he turned onto the next street.

“Tips on what?” she asked.

“On how girls think. Because try as I may, I can never figure out what the fuck runs through women’s heads. I think I’d get along better in life if I had any idea what y’all were thinking,” he said, a slight accent showing in his voice. Lizzy caught herself smile at that. Talking to him, you’d never know he was from Oklahoma, but once in a very great while a little bit of accent would slip into his words, and she for some reason found it very endearing. She tried and tried to tell stop herself noticing something so silly, because in the two weeks she’d been living with him, it had only happened maybe three times, but when it did, she caught herself smile every time.

“Women just think with their heads, Austin,” she said. He rolled his eyes under his dark sunglasses and adjusted his driving position a little bit.

“Everybody thinks with their head,” he said with some annoyance. She laughed at that.

“Yes, but the difference here being the head men choose to think with,” she said. He shot her a look before putting his eyes back on the road and she laughed again. “Men let sex get in the way of things. Women don’t. Women think rationally. Women think about what would happen in this situation, and what would happen in another. Men think about how they can get sex in that situation.”

“I’ll have you know that sex is not the only thing I think about,” he said in his defense. She giggled a little bit now.

“Have you ever listened to anything you’ve written?”

“That is completely irrelevant,” he said, blowing that comment off his shoulders. Again she giggled, now not feeling so awkward.

“I guess women have more feelings then men. Not to say men don’t have feelings, because I know y’all do,” she said, her own slight accent showing in her words more so than usual. He grinned a little bit.

“Feelings only get in the way of shit,” he said. She rolled her eyes with annoyance.

“What a typical man thing to say, Austin,” she said. He laughed. “Feelings make women think the way they do. Because when we love somebody we love them, and want to make them happy. But when men love someone, they don’t change anything. Y’all just think that you’re going to screw us and that will show us that you love us, so you can act like jerks.”

“Are you saying I act like a jerk?”

“You act like a cocky jerk,” she said then. He smiled to himself and looked out the front windshield. She suddenly felt a little bad for being so blunt with him when she was living off of him and accepting rides from him. “I’m sorry…” she said.

“Don’t be, you’re right,” he said with that slight grin still on his face. “You’re not the first woman to tell me that.”

“I didn’t mean it, I shouldn’t have said it,” she said and fidgeted in her seat a little bit. “I’m really sorry.”

“Lizzy, don’t be sorry,” he said.

“I didn’t have any right to say that, because you’ve been great to me.”

“But I’ve been a cocky jerk,” he said and shrugged. “My wife used to tell me that all the time. That I needed to drop the ego, and stop thinking I was some kind of God. But, I’m 29 years old, Lizzy. I’ve been this way too long to change it now.” She sighed.

“I don’t mean you should change, I never meant it that way. I came to accept that men were jerks a long time ago. I don’t expect anything different.”

“It’s not something you should have had to accept,” he said. She shrugged.

“But it’s the truth, either way. And I’m happy, Austin. Despite my current situation, I’m happy. I get along fine with men, because face it, I’m a cocky bitch when I need to be, and I get along better with men than I ever have women. Because I’m far from catty, and I can’t deal with gossip. So there is nothing left for me to do but be around men. I can honestly say that you and Joe are my best friends.”

“Joe,” Austin laughed a little bit. “How did you come across that freak?”

“Honestly?” Lizzy asked with a smile.

“Honestly,” he said with his own grin.

“I met him at a fried chicken restaurant. He was behind me in line, and I dropped some shit out of my pocket and he helped me pick it all up. Then he hit on me for a while, and I blew him off,” she said. Austin laughed.

“Leave it to Blower to hit on a girl in a fast food restaurant,” he said.

“Turn here and it’s right on this street,” Lizzy said and pointed where he needed to go to get to the doctor’s office. He followed her instructions and she watched him park his truck. He got out and quickly went to open the car door for her before she had a chance to do it herself, earning himself a dirty look.

“You’re just going to have to get used to it,” he said.

“Why do you baby me?! I’m a big girl,” she whined as she slid out of the SUV and onto her feet.

“Because, that’s just the kind of guy that I am,” he said with a shrug.

“Did you open doors for your wife?” she asked. He hesitated for a minute and his jaw tensed slightly before he answered.

“For a while I did,” he said. “But once things got comfortable I kind of stopped the gentleman thing.” Lizzy looked at him with suspicion, wondering what exactly happened between him and his ex wife.

“Oh, I see,” she said, not wanting to push the conversation.

“I shouldn’t say comfortable, because by the time I really stopped doing those kinds of things for her, we were already starting to feel the strain on our marriage,” he said and lit a cigarette. “Do you mind if I have a cigarette before we go in there?” he asked.

“Not at all, I still have a few minutes before my appointment,” she said as she checked the clock on her cell phone. He nodded slightly and took a drag off the cigarette. “Do…you miss her?” she asked cautiously. He didn’t answer at first, as he seemed to be thinking about what she’d asked.

“No,” he answered finally. “I miss the idea of her I think, I miss what I thought the whole thing was going to be. But I don’t miss her; she wasn’t the person I thought she was. I put a lot into our marriage, and I tried and worked to change for her. I spent more time with her than with my band, and on tours I spent all my free time on the bus with her instead of with my fans. I gave up a lot for her, but then she still wasn’t satisfied. After a while she stopped touring with me, and she started spending time with other people. Well after a few months, I came to find out how many of those other people were other guys. So, I gave her the benefit of the doubt for a while, and just went along with the ‘they’re only friends’ thing. But, I think I knew it wasn’t that way, and she knew I knew, and everything kind of fell apart. When I finally confronted her, she wasn’t really trying to deny anything,” he said with a shrug.

“So she had an affair?” Lizzy asked gently. He blew some of his smoke out through his nose and she took a deep breath. She was trying hard not to seem like she was prying into his life.

“Or five,” he answered. Her eyes widened a little bit. He shrugged again. “I’m not going to say I was perfect either, because by the last few months of my marriage I wasn’t the most faithful husband either.”

“So you had an affair too?” she asked.

“Not really an affair, but I just kind of let myself hang out with my fans again, and I didn’t care anymore if I was doing right by my wife. She wasn’t, so why should I?” he asked. Lizzy nodded.

“I understand,” she said.

“She was a model, and she was an actress, and she wanted to be more successful, and she married me with the intention of me making that happen for her. Because I knew the right people, and she could use that to her advantage. I do think she loved me; it’s not that I think she didn’t. I just don’t think she loved me enough to have a marriage with me,” he said. Again Lizzy nodded. “We were happy, for a while we were very happy. But I think over time she started to realize that marriage wasn’t the right path for her.”

“So, did you try to find someone else or anything?”

“I did briefly, but I wasn’t really into finding a new relationship. I went out with one girl for a few weeks, she was nice and shit, but I wasn’t into it and I broke it off before it started,” he said. Lizzy nodded.

“I can understand that,” she said. He dropped his cigarette onto the floor and took her into the doctor’s office then. She didn’t press the subject of his wife anymore. After signing in she waited in the waiting room with him for a while and finally she was called back. “Would you like to come with me, Austin?” she asked with a smile. He looked up at her.

“You won’t be uncomfortable?”

“No, I would like you to come and see my baby with me,” she said. He smiled and stood up and followed her into the back part of the office. After routine weighing and check up, she was taken into the ultrasound room and she lay back on the table with her shirt lifted up to her bra line and her skirt pushed down under her stomach. After the appointment he was taking her to the mall for maternity clothes. The ultrasound tech came into the room then and tucked a towel into the waist band of her skirt and squeezed the cold gel onto her stomach.

“Are you looking to see what the sex is?” she asked.

“Yes,” Lizzy said with a smile.

“Alright, I have to take a few measurements first, and then I can tell you what you’re having,” the tech said. Lizzy smiled.

“Okay,” she said and looked at Austin. He smiled at her and she reached her hand out to him. He hesitated before letting her close her hand around his and standing next to her. “I need the support, just in case something is wrong with the baby,” she said. He nodded in understanding and squeezed her hand a little bit.

“Okay and here is the heartbeat,” the technician said with a smile, and the room filled with the rapid heartbeat of Lizzy’s unborn baby. “So far everything looks like it’s in good order.”

“So my baby is okay?”

“You’re baby is perfect,” the technician said. “Alright let’s see,” she said as she moved the wand around Lizzy’s stomach and found the babies bottom. “Well I don’t see any testicles near its bottom, so I think it’s safe to say you’re having a little girl.” Lizzy smiled a little bit, not sure if she’d hoped it was a girl. “Your baby is very healthy though.”

“That’s the important part,” Lizzy said with a smile. She was suddenly very happy to be having a healthy baby, be it a girl or a boy. The tech printed some pictured of the sonogram and wiped the gel off of Lizzy’s stomach.

“Congratulations to both of you on your little girl,” she said as she took off her gloves. Austin started to say something but Lizzy cut him off.

“Thank you,” she smiled and looked up at him, causing him to smile back at her and squeeze her hand again. He helped her sit upright and she adjusted her clothes before allowing him to assist her off the exam table. After setting up her next appointment, they left to the nearest mall.

“Why didn’t you jump at the chance to tell them it wasn’t mine?” he asked as he stopped at a red light. She looked up at him.

“Because I didn’t think I needed to. Did you want me to?” she asked.

“I just thought you would, since you seem to be pretty against anyone thinking we are a couple.”

“I just didn’t care,” she shrugged. “The baby doesn’t really have a father, and she’s going to need some kind of male influence, so why not let that be you?” she said.

“Is there anything else you want to get today, besides clothes?” he asked.

“Austin, I’m not letting you buy me anything else,” she said firmly. He sighed. It wasn’t long before they were inside the mall in a maternity clothing store. Lizzy had four pairs of jeans and a few skirts and dress pants along with enough shirts to last her two pregnancies. Austin was wandering around the store, looking rather bored. Lizzy looked down at the clothes she had in her arms and sighed and started to pull things out of the pile and set them back on the shelves.

“What are you doing?” he asked her as he noticed her set a dress back on its rack.

“This is too much stuff for me to ask of you,” she said then and started to pull something else out of her stuff when he took hold of her wrist.

“Get what you want, Lizzy, I’m not hurting for money,” he said.

“Austin! I’m not going to let you buy me all this stuff! I’d feel like such a charity case.”

“Liz, I’m buying you the clothes, get what you want or I’ll go around behind you and pick up everything you put down,” he said. She glared at him and he looked at her with a firm expression. She sighed then and picked the dress back up. He smiled then, and after a little while longer, and after trying on all of the clothes, she took it all to the counter and set it down reluctantly. The woman behind the counter smiled brightly as she rang up all of the clothes and bagged them.

“Your total is $375. 89,” she smiled. Lizzy’s mouth opened and she started to protest and ask to have something voided when Austin set his debit card on the counter. She looked at him with annoyance.

“No, that is too much,” she whispered harshly. He ignored her as the checker handed him the receipt and a pen so he could sign. Lizzy crossed her arms over her chest with annoyance as she glared at him while he signed the receipt. The checker put his copy into one of the bags.

“Okay, you two have a nice day,” she smiled. Austin smiled back.

“Thank you, you too honey,” he said. Lizzy reached for the bags and then shot him another annoyed look as he took hold of both of them before she could get them. He grinned at her and she glared and followed him out of the store.

“Where are we going?” she asked as he headed in the opposite direction they’d come from.

“We are going to get a few things,” he said. She followed him with her arms still crossed over her chest as he walked into a store. She looked around and noticed that the store sold only baby furniture, and she huffed with annoyance.

“I said I’m not letting you buy me anything else!” she said with frustration.

“I’m saying I don’t care if you let me or not. I’m gonna get you some stuff,” he grinned.

“Austin! What if I’m not even staying with you when the baby comes?!”

“Then we’ll move the stuff to wherever you are staying, duh,” he said. She pouted a little bit with frustration painted on her face. “Lizzy, stop it and pick some stuff out, please.”

“Austin, it’s not even your baby! Why are you insisting on doing this?!”

“Because I want to,” he said. “So pick out some stuff, my other guest room can be the nursery.”

“Austin, I’m not going to ask you to do that!”

“Lizzy, I’m going to do it anyways!” he insisted. She frowned and started to walk through the store looking at the cribs. When she found a crib that was white with pink lining and a Winnie the Pooh Classic Pooh mobile her jaw unhinged a little bit. It was the perfect crib, and it had matching furniture positioned around it. Austin came up beside her as she ran her hands over the wooden frame of the crib.

“It’s so pretty,” she said gently.

“You like this one?” he asked. She nodded a little, and then she got to the price tag. The crib listed at just under $800. She frowned a little bit. She refused to let him spend that much money on a baby that wasn’t even his. She hardly wanted him to buy her a crib to begin with. He was looking at the matching changing table and dresser. The dresser had beautiful paintings of pink classic Pooh around the base. “This is pretty nice.”

“It’s all very pretty,” she said. “But it’s too expensive.” He gave her a look through narrow eyes. “I won’t let you spend this much money on me Austin. I’m refusing on all grounds!” she said. He ignored her, and found a sales associate to help them. “Austin! No!”

“Is there something I can help you with?” the sales associate asked with a smile.

“Yea, I’d like to purchase that furniture set,” Austin said, still ignoring Lizzy. She threw her hands up in frustration as the sales associate continued to work with Austin in buying the furniture. Once it was all paid for she glared at him with annoyance and a little bit of anger.

“You are worse than Joe! When I tell him to lay off he does! You just do everything like I’m not even talking!” she snapped as she got into the car.

“Because I don’t like to take no for an answer,” he said. “Besides, it’s all because I want you to be happy Lizzy.”

“I don’t want you to take pity on me!”

“I’m not taking pity on you! It’s just gifts, what is so wrong with gifts? Most people like getting free shit. Isn’t that why women have those stupid baby showers?”

“Most people have baby showers. I am not having a baby shower,” she said. He rolled his eyes.

“Lizzy, the stuff is already bought and it’s going to be delivered tomorrow. Get over it.”

“I hate you,” she pouted. He laughed.

“It’s fixing to start storming,” he said. She looked out the window at the rain clouds and sighed. She hated stormed. Thunder sometimes scared her so bad she’d hide under her blankets and scream. She didn’t want him to know that.

As he parked his car in his drive way the first of the thunder cracked and she squealed with fear. He looked at her and she took a deep breath. “What?! Don’t look at me like that!” she cried.

“Thunder bothers you?” he asked.

“No!” she protested. He laughed.

“Lizzy, stop trying to act like this big tough girl. Everybody is afraid of something,” he said.

“I am not afraid of thunder!”

“If I tell you what I’m afraid of, will you admit the thunder bothered you?”

“No, because I’m not afraid of thunder!” she said and got out of the car. He laughed and got out also and took her bags into her bedroom. He ordered food in for them, and they sat together at the table while they had dinner. Lizzy usually felt awkward sitting at his table with him, but now she was glad he was there. The thunder storm was getting worse and louder and she didn’t want to be alone. After watching TV for a few hours she decided to take a chance and go to bed. At least there she could hide under her blankets without him knowing she was scared.

“If you need anything, let me know okay?” Austin said as she stood up from the sofa.

“I will,” she said and smiled gently. He checked the clock and stood up also.

“I think I’ll follow your example, rather than sit out here alone,” he smiled, “at almost one in the morning.” She smiled and watched as he turned off the lights and followed her up the stairs. “Promise me you’ll let me know if you need something.”

“I promise,” she said. She hugged him then, and she could feel his surprise but he hugged her back. It was comforting to have that hug; she hadn’t had one in a long time. “Goodnight, Austin.”

“Night, Lizzy,” he said and pulled away from her. He went into his room and she sighed before closing the door to her own room and getting out of her day clothes and into a pair of shorts and a tank top to sleep in. Her baby kicked her in the ribs a few times and she sighed. She got into bed then and turned off the light and the thunder started to crash again and she closed her eyes tightly and tried with all of her strength to ignore it. But no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t ignore it long enough to fall asleep. Then it suddenly seemed to get closer.

“God damn this storm has been going on for fucking hours,” she said to herself and then her room was illuminated by a crack of lightening and the boom of thunder made her get out of bed in one swift movement, despite her big stomach. She took a deep breath and tried to calm down, but the room lit up again and the thunder seemed to make the windows shake. Get it together, Lizzy. It’s just thunder…it would be really stupid to go and bother him over thunder she thought to herself. But as it boomed through the house again she screamed and ran to his room and nearly slammed against the door before taking a deep breath and opening it just enough to poke her head in. His room was dark, and she could see him lying in bed under his blankets on his side. She took a deep breath as she watched him sleep, and listened to his soft even breathing. She watched as he shifted a little bit, and then the room lit up from the lightening like hers had and the thunder set off louder than it had any time before and without thinking she burst into the room, causing the door to hit the wall harshly. The slam of the door woke Austin up and he sat up in bed as she crawled into the bed next to him.

“What in the hell?” he asked and rubbed his eyes a little bit. Lizzy was sitting in the bed with her knees pulled up as close to her chest as she could manage and her arms wrapped around them. “What happened?”

“Nothing…” she said suddenly, feeling a little embarrassed.

“Then why did you come slamming in here for?” he asked, with a little bit of annoyance as she’d woke him up. As another loud boom of thunder crashed outside she let out a little cry and put her head down. He looked at her and sighed before pulling her against his chest. She tried to push him away.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have woken you up,” she said as she started to get out of his bed, but he put his arm around her shoulders.

“It’s okay,” he said. “Stay, you’ll sleep better.”

“I need to grow up and not let the thunder scare me,” she said.

“Stay,” he insisted and adjusted the blankets so they were around her too. “Lay down, it’s okay.” She hesitated for a minute, as she suddenly felt like a little girl asking is she could sleep with her mommy and daddy.

“No, I’m sorry I woke you…I shouldn’t have…I’m so…I’m such a…I shouldn’t be such a fraidy cat,” she said. Austin sighed. But as the next round of thunder cracked she screamed and pressed herself against him and he laughed a little bit as he held her. She finally agreed to lay down and stay with him for the night. “Just…promise you won’t try anything or nothing, please,” she said then, with a little bit of worry. He laughed slightly and put his arm under her neck so her head rested on his shoulder before closing his eyes.

“I’m not that kind of guy, Lizzy,” he promised. She nodded, and he could feel the top of her head bump his chin a little bit, but he didn’t mind. She put one of her arms around his waist then and pressed herself a little closer to him, feeling his comforting body heat, and her baby kicked her again. Austin could feel the baby kick against his stomach. “By the way,” he started, “It’s spiders.”

“What?” she asked, with confusion.

“What I’m afraid of, it’s spiders,” he said. She grinned against his neck and closed her eyes, and finally she was relaxed enough to fall asleep.