Just to Live

The mere thought was naïve and hopeful, but it occupied her time until Vanessa announced she was done with her makeup. Tabitha watched as her friend walked around the room, rummaging through a pile in her closet for the red boots she needed.

“Got it!” Vanessa exclaimed, raising the pair of boots in the air as though they were a pair of gold medals.

Vanessa sat on her bed next to Tabitha and fit her feet into the boots and pulled until it reached close to her kneecaps. She sighed in succession and stood up, pulling her baby blue shorts with white stars down as far as she could. “How do I look?” she asked.

Tabitha bit her lip, knowing it would smear the red lipstick if she did that too much. She wondered if the boy that kissed her at the masquerade ball would show up again at the Halloween party already commencing downstairs. She would have loved to see him again if she could, but she didn’t know what he looked like. All she knew was that he was much taller than her. But everyone was taller than her besides Erika.

“Tabby!” Vanessa shouted, snapping her fingers.

“Sorry!” Tabitha apologized, clasping her hands together.

“It’s okay. What are you thinking about?” Vanessa asked, giving Tabitha leather gloves to wear.

She shrugged. “About the masquerade…”

“Ooh that guy you kissed maybe?”

“Shut up,” she muttered, blushing.

The redhead smiled the way a friend did to tease others. “Maybe you’ll see him again tonight. We’ll never know if we stay up here! Let’s go!”

The second Tabitha and Vanessa made it down to where the party was, they lost each other in the mist of people dancing to the music. Tabitha tried finding people she knew, but failed. She couldn’t even find her bosses, and that made her stir into a nervous tick. She didn’t want anyone to break anything in the mansion.

A random guy walked up to Tabitha and handed her a drink. “Chill girl. You look like you’re about to pass out.”

“Johnny!” she emitted.

He did a small curtsy. “Yup, that would be me.”

“What are you?”

“The Hamburglar, but more awesome.”

“I like your makeup. You did good with the eyeshadow.”

“Thank you! Now drink it and have some fun. I need to find some dancing music.”

Everyone around her was having so much, she didn’t want to feel left out, or even worse; a wallflower. Welcoming Johnny’s drink, Tabitha chugged all of it and placed the cup down on the nearest table to her. Feeling more confident, she walked out to where everyone was dancing, the sound of her heels clacking on the wood.

A girl who was dressed as Poison Ivy for the evening smiled at Tabitha and waved her over. They remembered each other as talking buddies that day they all had to go find costumes to wear.

Tabitha wasn’t sure what to do until the song changed to Metro Station’s Shake It. She and Poison Ivy laughed and ground against each other. The feeling of butt on butt contact was replaced with butt on something else contact. Squealing, Tabitha turned around, having to tilt her head back to look at a man with extensive and detailed skull makeup on his face. He reminded her of Gerard Way back in the Black Parade days.

“Do I know you?!” she shouted since the volume of the music suddenly grew.

He shook his head. “Nope, but dance with me.”

As soon as he said that, the upbeat song ended and turned to a slow one.

‘Of course,’ she thought, hiding her grimace. She did not want to dance that close with a stranger.

After the song was over, he took the chance to speak to her so she could hear his request. “Is it alright if I take you outside? It’s too loud in here.”

“Sure,” she replied. If the guy tried to do anything to her, she knew that there were people who were keeping an eye on her.

They walked to the front door. He opened the door and let her go out first. Her view of him began to change seeing that he was a gentleman. They continued to sit down on the steps.

“You’re very beautiful, did you know that?” he said softly, intimately.

“Half of my face is covered, how would you know?” she questioned, but it came out rude. It was weird that he had to abruptly say that. Maybe he thought if he complimented her then she’d spend more time with him.

He smiled. “I just do. Are you having fun?”

“Yeah. It reminds of a prom party thing my bosses had for me.”

“Just for you? That’s cool.”

“It is. Oh man, the best thing about that night was that kiss. I just don’t know who gave it to me.”

Prior to what the fairy tales always said, Tabitha couldn’t remember every miniscule detail of her first kiss. All she remembered was feeling nervous yet excited. She felt the “butterflies” flutter around in her stomach. However, she didn’t feel the sparks she always heard would happen. It didn’t matter to her. At the beginning of the night, she was in a desperate search for the man she kissed even though it was quite possible she would never know his identity. She wasn’t hell-bent on kissing every person that passed by her either. A prime example was the guy sitting in front of her.

‘If it’s meant to happen, it’s meant to happen,’ she thought, even if she secretly hoped to be able to see him once again.

The guy in front of her cleared his throat and bit his lip. “This is really forward, but can I kiss you?”

“Uh…”

He kissed her anyways. He didn’t try to rape her mouth. All he did was press his white lips against her red lips. That was all it took to make her realize he was the person she kissed at the ball. She really couldn’t remember the exact details of her first kiss, but she could tell by the way he stroked her cheek that it was him. The pad of his thumb moved in a circular motion over her cheek before trailing down gently to her jaw line.

“Please show me who you are,” she whispered against his lips, peering longingly into his eyes.

He hesitated. Instead of giving her an answer or making any action to wipe his makeup away, he took her mask off. He spoke softly. “You’re more gorgeous like this. But me? Are you sure?”

“Yes. Please.”

He hesitated again, but eventually followed her wishes. Using the end of his shirt, he wiped at his eyes, cheeks and forehead. The makeup wasn’t completely gone, but his facial features were so dominant he was noticeable.

“Matthew!” Tabitha gasped, jumping up. “The person I kissed was you?!”

He nodded and hunched his shoulders over.

“Oh my god! What the fuck! You’re almost 30! What the fuck!”

“You’re 18, it’s legal,” he said in that same soft voice.

“So?! Ew!”

Ew? Did she think he was disgusting? A minute ago, she was so happy to know that he was the same person who kissed her those several months ago. It hurt. It hurt that she now wanted nothing to do with him. Before he let the hurt seep through, he was angry.

“Hey!” He stood up, looking down at her. “Just a second ago you were dying to find out who I was and now you’re regretting it.”

“Yes!” she agreed with malice. “I thought you would be someone my age! At least if I fall in love or some fairy tale bullshit then I could act normal!”

‘What the fuck is she talking about?’

“Excuse me?! Normal? Sweetie, your life was never normal.”

“That’s none of your concern.”

“Please, honey. It was my concern the minute you told me about your fucked up life. Don’t go around pretending you’re better than everyone else.”

“I quit!”

Tabitha ran into the mansion, stomping her feet so harshly out of anger, she thought that the heels would break any second.

Matthew followed behind her, smirking.

“Yeah you know I’m right. Newsflash, you’re not the only one who goes through shit alright?”

Tabitha turned around at the foot of the stairs. “I quit!” she screamed again.

“You fucking can’t!” he screamed back.

“Watch me.”