Just to Live

It took one single week for Tabitha’s hatred of her father to convert into love. She didn’t spend time venturing the reason why she was able to forgive him when he gave her years of torture and resentment. Her most probable guess was that she had been so long deprived of a father who would protect and love her that she welcomed her own with open arms and an open heart. She loved him; she loved him oh so much. She realized that she was so quick to forgive—for once— because she was so desperate for a father figure that when the opportunity waited in front of her, she grasped it without a second thought.

Roland noticed his oldest daughter actually made the effort to try to understand him and talk to him. He thought it would take him months, maybe even years before Tabitha forgave him. He was thankful, very thankful, but it did make him wonder.

It was a boring night and nothing remotely entertaining was on TV. Roland and Tabitha resorted to watching a reality show on MTV. Once the show hit commercial for a small break, Avenged Sevenfold popped up in white lettering on the screen. Tabitha quickly asked to change the channel but before he could, Matthew was center stage on the screen in an interview with a reporter. Matthew announced the band was officially off their hiatus and they were already in the process of a new album. The new album would house a song or two inspired by someone everyone in the band grew to know in a short period of time.

The reporter shifted the microphone next to his mouth. “Does this someone have a name?” he asked curiously.

A small smile showed on Matthew’s face. “We don’t really like to reveal information like that for the person’s privacy.”

Roland’s hand was still raised in the air along with the remote as he lowered the volume. He looked at Tabitha, seeing that she looked physically discomforted with a grimace.

“Sweetie, didn’t you say you worked for them?”

“I did,” she said bitterly.

“Why’d you leave?”

“Matthew kissed me.”

“Why would that bother you?”

Tabitha had a tingling feeling in her left hand to slap her father for being such an idiot. “He’s an asshole. He kissed me once and I kept obsessing over it. Then he kissed me again and I found out it was him.”

Her explanation was so vague; it left Roland wanting to ask her more questions so he could fully understand his daughter’s reasoning for running away. He decided to ask those silly questions later when Tabitha was calmer. He tried for a comforting yet concerned expression. “Why exactly is that so bad?”

“It just is!” she huffed.

“Sweetie, I think you’re afraid to love.”

“That’s ridiculous.” She didn’t huff or add a bitter undertone to her voice this time. Rather than sounding icy, she sounded timid and unsure.

“Think about it. For the past few years, all you ever did was take care of your mother and sister. Now that you three have a comfortable living, they don’t need you as much as they did before. It scares you doesn’t it? They have Matthew to look after them and they probably love him. You’re the only one doing your worst to hate him because you know he can look after you too. You’re so used to taking care of everyone that you’re not used to someone taking care of you. Relying on someone else scares you to death.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she whispered, softly crying. “I don’t want to feel happy and have it fall apart again.”

He didn’t have to ask to know Tabitha needed a hug to make her believe everything was going to be all right. He wrapped his arms around her as she trembled from sobbing.

“It’s wrong of you to forgive me but not him,” Roland whispered, “I’ve done much worse to you. I’ve probably psychologically messed up your childhood.”

For the first time in her life, Tabitha gazed up at her father with the look of a small and scared child. “Daddy,” she whimpered, “tell me what to do.”

He was at a loss for words. Tabitha really had opened to him completely. All he wanted to do was protect her from harm, but he knew that he needed her to hurt again before she would be protected.