Just to Live

Matthew stood in front of the house for at least 10 minutes and kept counting. He was nervous. He wasn’t sure if the man who called him had lied. It could have been a prank call. But, if it was, how did the man know about Tabitha? No news was released about her.

Roland told Tabitha he had to go to his restaurant to check up on his chefs and servers. He was usually there, having cordial talks to customers, helping bring out plates of food, and mixing drinks if it was a busy day. However, as of recent, he stayed home because of his daughter.

Although Roland was supposed to go to the restaurant, he ended up at the local diner with a cup of coffee. He dialed the number he acquired from 411 and positioned the phone to his ear.

“Hello, 6661 Records,” said the girl with her crisp voice.

“Hi, I would like to speak to Matthew Sanders please.”

The girl looked straight ahead of her, seeing her boss play an acoustic guitar. “Sorry, but he’s not accepting any calls,” she informed Roland.

“One of his employees is a spy,” he stated bluntly.

“Hold please.”

A few seconds passed before the complimentary waiting music faded. “Sanders.”

“Are you Matthew?”

“Yes. Why do you want to know?”

“I’m Tabitha’s father.”

“The deadbeat,” he said.

Roland sighed. “Yes, that one. She’s been living with me for the last few weeks. How are her mother and sister doing?”

“Horrible.” He grit his teeth. “They won’t stop crying. Can I see her?”

Roland’s defensive barriers shot straight up. “She doesn’t want to be anywhere near you.”

“I know. I just need to see her. At least so I can tell her mom and sister she’s safe and healthy and not living on the streets. Please? I’ll pay you.”

“I don’t need the money. Bribes don’t work with me either. She’s ineffable, not worth anything in this world do you understand? Don’t ever think any amount of money will win her over. Why do you want to see her so badly?”

The question popped out of his mouth without his thinking. He already knew the answer. Matthew sounded like a love sick puppy with his begs and pleads. He needed to hear Matthew say the reason for himself.

Matthew looked at his guitar. He spent the entire week at the record company, finding inspiration by sitting in his unusual vacant office with his acoustic. Could he trust this man?

“Because I really care about her. I want to apologize for making her like me when she didn’t want to,” he explained, strumming a string.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” he mimicked, skeptical.

“Yes, “okay.” I’m only telling you my address once so you better write this down.”

The usually confident man was ready to pass out when he pressed the button for the doorbell.

Roland sighed, anticipating that bell of his to ring for several days. Naturally, when he heard the simple melody usher throughout his home, he dropped his metal spoon into his cup of coffee and opened the door, knowing it had to be Matthew.

They sat in the living room, on the couch, next to each other without exchanging sounds, much less words. The only reason they knew of each other’s existence was Tabitha. Neither person wanted to wake her. It was only six in the morning.

Matthew cleared his throat. “You mind telling me why you left?”

“I was depressed. Every time I saw Tabitha, I wanted nothing to do with her even though I loved her to death,” Roland explained, rubbing his hands together to warm them up.

“Isn’t that postpartum depression?”

“It is.”

“I thought it only dealt with women.”

“So did I.”

“So you left ‘cause you loved and hated your daughter?”

“I didn’t leave right away. I thought it’d go away. It did, sort of. I spent a lot of time working and drinking. Some time in between working and drinking, Maria and I found out we were going to have another daughter. It got so much worse.”

Roland had to stop in order to keep his tears far away from touching the shore. There were many things he wish he hadn’t done, but leaving his family was the one thing he wished he could undo.

It was in that moment that Matthew realized that Tabitha’s father—no matter how unforgivable the man’s actions were—was human.

“So…I just left. How can a man take care of his family when he can’t even take care of himself?” His voice was unclear, blurry like the tears swarming his eyes. “I really thought they’d be better off without me. All I did was drink and…and I didn’t deserve to have them.”

“Crap, I think I have to go feed the meter, I’ll be right back,” Matthew muttered, trying to fish for any reason to give Roland time to adjust himself.

“No, it’s okay,” he sniffled. “I’ll take you up to her.”

With a slight push back, Roland told Matthew without the use of words to wait. Roland slipped into the room and was back out in a minute, nearly closing the door behind him. He gave the younger man a look-over before walking down to the kitchen.

In his mind, Matthew foresaw opening that chestnut colored door to see Tabitha’s smiling face. They would hug each other and confess each other’s love and everything would play like a fairytale ending complete with the beautiful sunset. If only this was true.

Tabitha woke up, half asleep. She remembered her father waking her up quietly to tell her she had a guest. In her partially awake mind, she expected a friend to visit her even though she had none. When she opened her eyes, her heart dropped.

“GET THE FUCK OUT!” she screeched, pointing to the door.

He definitely did not think she would have that strong of a reaction. “Calm down, please!”

“DADDY!” she cried.

Matthew almost punched the wall. “You forgave him but not me?!”

Roland dashed into the room, pushing the door open so strongly it bounced against the wall. “Sweetie, what’s wrong?”

She sobbed, wiping stray tears away. “Make him go, please!”

He motioned his head towards the living room. “I think you should go.”

Mathew sighed, defeated. “Tabitha, I’m sorry. We all chipped in to get you something.” He dug into his pocket, pulled out a box, and left it on the table. After, he walked out.

Roland sat on the bed with her. Tabitha’s burning glare told him that he made a dangerous mistake. “I’m sorry, but I did it because you need to talk to him.”

“Dad!” she cried. “I can’t believe you did that!”

“Did you honestly think it wouldn’t happen? Open the present.”

“I don’t want to,” she retorted, crossing her arms against herself.

“You’re 18, stop acting like a child,” he scolded. He proceeded to shove the box into her hand. Holding her tongue, she opened the box. A note popped out.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY. THAT’S A REAL BLUE DIAMOND PENDANT IN THERE. IT COST A LOT SINCE THEY’RE SO RARE. IF THAT DOESN’T SHOW YOU I CARE A LOT ABOUT YOU, I DON’T KNOW WHAT WILL.

I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH YOU’LL CONSIDER THIS, BUT I’D LIKE TO TAKE YOU OUT. I’M ASKING YOU TO GO OUT ON A DATE WITH ME. CAN IT BE MY SECOND CHANCE?

“Ah, love is in the air,” her father sighed dreamily.

Tabitha rolled her eyes. “He’s 30 dad.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “So? I’m one of those crazy people who don’t care about age. If it’s love, it’s love. You can’t do anything about it. Just go on a date with him already. I’ll be up here. Go down there and talk to him or so help me.”

Her father exuded so much authority in his voice that she couldn’t resist. She was in the living room within eight seconds. She watched Matthew sigh numerous times, most likely pouting at the same thing. Finally, she felt guilt. She felt powerfully sorry that she denied him so vehemently. She wouldn’t admit it to him or anyone she knew, but she did like him. She was convinced it was only a crush.

“How does it feel?” he inquired.

“What?” she asked, surprised he knew she was behind him.

Matthew stood up and turned 180 degrees to look at her. “You abandoned your family. How do horrible do you feel?”

Her hand reached for the blue diamond pendant, intent on pulling it forcefully so it’d break. “Fuck this. You’re such an asshole! I came down here to try to talk to you and have you have to act like a fucking bitch. I don’t need this.”

“Tabitha, no! Wait!” he pleaded, jumping over the couch to reach for her hand. They were quiet for a slight moment, staring at their hands, then at each other. Tabitha’s cheeks were slightly pink.

“Don’t touch me!” she hissed.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he apologized. “Please come back. Everyone misses you.” She didn’t move. “Just one chance? One shot? If it doesn’t work and you decide to leave again, I won’t stop you. Besides you have your dad now right?”

She didn’t say anything. Her reply to him consisted of her running up the stairs and into her bedroom where her father still was. They were in the room for a few minutes until Roland walked out. Matthew sat at the foot of the stairs, waiting for someone to come down to tell him what would happen next.

Roland joined Matthew sitting with him. He picked at particles of lint stuck to his black jacket.

“She should hate me to the core. She should want me dead. But my amazing daughter, she stills loves me. She forgave me too. Do me a favor. Make her happy.”