Just to Live

A book was the only thing on the desk. The spine was slightly ripped and torn to show its battle with time. The front cover used to be bright and yellow with smiley faces plastered all over the page, but with constant frustrations, blue ink outlined the eyes and smiles from the faces. Matthew had been looking for this composition book. Since he and his best friends—more like family—decided to step off their hiatus, Matthew’s creativity ran wild. At random moments of they day, he’d think of completely random ideas for new songs. Even when he was in meetings, he’d have to excuse himself as he wrote in very messy handwriting, something that popped into his head onto a napkin.

It might’ve been a smart idea if Matthew decided to bring his beat up composition book everywhere he went, but he always forgot to carry it with him. The book after all, was his book of songs.

When he ran back into his office to grab his book before he forgot his newly thought of song idea, he bumped into Tabitha. He hadn’t stayed in the mansion like he used to due to advertising for the band so he forgot Tabitha usually cleaned his office on Wednesdays.

Tabitha asked Matthew to use the phone to call her father. She promised she would call her father so he’d stop worrying. Of course, Matthew said a quick “yes” before he left his office to run off to yet another meeting.

All she’d have to do was press a few buttons and keep the phone to her ear. It was much easier thought of than done. Why did her heart beat faster as she gingerly entered Roland’s phone number? Why did she feel like she was going to pass out? The reason was that she didn’t want to call and find out he disappeared from her life again. For the first time in a long time, her life was slowly getting better. She didn’t want to jinx it.

Roland knew Sunday was Tabitha’s day off. That’s exactly why he convinced her to go to his restaurant for lunch. There was a slight problem. The restaurant was a good half hour away from the mansion. She needed a car. She couldn’t risk her father driving to the mansion to pick her up. Maria would find out and Tabitha wasn’t ready to tell her mother she found her father.

Tabitha wanted to ask Brian to take her, but he most definitely did not know about the recent events with her father. Her only choice was Matthew. She rather it wasn’t him even if she did admit she liked him on their first date. She also preferred hanging out with Brian since she was more comfortable around him. Actually, she was comfortable with all her bosses except Matthew. Even though she acted herself when she was with him, it didn’t hide the fact that whenever she was alone with him he made her nervous without even trying.

By the time Sunday came round, Tabitha and Matthew showed up at the restaurant. Roland spent a few private minutes speaking to Matthew. The conversation was terse and to the point. “Hurt my daughter and I will kill you. I mean it. I will poison your food, so watch yourself.”

After the happy conversation, Roland opted to be his daughter’s server. However, he did eventually have to return to the kitchen to help cook. That was fine by Matthew since he wanted Tabitha to himself so he could talk to her. While eating their Cajun food, Matthew explained to Tabitha how Avenged Sevenfold decided to start touring again. He expected her to have that look on her face. He’d dated enough girls. Every time a girl asked him about his job, he had to tell them everything about creating music and touring. He found all the girls to drift off to daydreaming until he finished. It was a flaw of his. He expected Tabitha to daydream, but she still clung on, intently listening. How perfect could she get?

Matthew decided to take Tabitha to one of his favorite spots in Huntington after their lunch. He liked sharing his private places with her. She was a reserved person anyways.

The special spot Matthew took Tabitha to was a parking lot. It wasn’t a lot that held importance. If anything, it was one of those places that people forgot easily. Yet, Matthew loved this particular lot because past the trees that crowded the area was perfect access to a view of a secluded and serene lake. If any avid fishers found this place, they’d go mad at the mere thought of the different schools of fishes swimming around.

“So what cha gonna do?” Matthew asked. He and Tabitha climbed down the deserted path to the crystalline lake.

“I have to make it up for my mom and sister,” Tabitha sighed. “I’m gonna take them to my dad’s place eventually.”

“Wouldn’t that be worse for them?”

She smirked half-heartedly. “That’s why I’d take them there as soon as it opens. Customers don’t start rolling in until an hour after they open.”

“Sounds like you have this all figured out.”

“I had to. I’m not supposed to run out of them and I always do…”

The truth was hard to admit, but she did it. She was facing her problems and trying to find solutions to them. Maybe things would work if she tired hard enough.

“This is true,” he mused.

“Yeah, so I’m taking them there and doing other stuff for them to make up for it.”

“If you need help, ask and I’ll-”

“No,” she said, cutting him off. “I have to do this myself. You’re too patient and nice to me as it is even when I act like a brat.”

“You have every right to,” he countered without thinking.

“Matt, stop. I know I don’t. Spending time with my dad made me realize how similar I am to him. Whenever things don’t go my way, I try to escape it. That’s not how I should execute things.”

“Okay I’ll drop the subject. Why did you forgive him so fast?”

“When I left that night, this was bothering me until he showed up. He’s my father. No matter how much I hate him, I know I’ll still love him.”

It was funny. Tabitha knew that intoxicated man was going to abuse her, but it didn’t spook her as it should have.

Matthew shrugged. “I don’t understand how.”

Tabitha shrugged too. “Neither do I. I guess he’s trying to make up for it.”

“What if he leaves again?”

“Then I’ll survive.”

“But I don’t want you to be like that again.”

“It’s what I’m used to.”

“Why won’t you forgive me?” he dared to ask.

“Why didn’t you tell me from the start it was you?” she countered, bitterness included.

He rolled his eyes. “Excuse me for wanting everything to be special and perfect for you.”

“I’m not materialistic. I don’t care for that stuff.”

“That isn’t materialistic. It’s something every girl wants.”

“Not me.”

“So you’re telling me you never pictured that fairytale first kiss?” he questioned, taking his Aviator glasses off.

“No.”

“There you go lying to me.”

“I am-”

“Yes, you are. I don’t like it when you keep things from me.”

He irritated her so much, she wanted to punch him in the face. How could he assume she was lying? He didn’t know what went on in her head. He barely knew her. But it was bothering her. How did she want her first kiss to go? When she was younger, she remembered girls around her gushing over their first kisses with their first boyfriends and how “romantic” and “perfect” everything was. Then again, as a kid, people around her were very ignorant of anything outside of Disney.

“Do you want to know what I wanted it to be like?” she asked more to herself. She closed her eyes and leaned towards Matthew’s face, anticipating for his lips to touch hers. When they did, she was happy she found some confidence in her to make the first move.

Their kiss was the kind that made Tabitha’s head dizzy. Matthew was the only person she’d ever kissed, but she deduced he was a very good kisser. She only wished she had more experience.

“That’s what I thought my fairytale kiss would be like,” she whispered to him when they separated their sealed lips.

His face was visibly red and he had a fluttery smile on his face. “Well uh…that wasn’t innocent.”

She blushed. “No…”

He could stare at her all day if he could and if it didn’t creep her out.