Just to Live

“Goddamnit help me!” Matthew pleaded to anyone, running around like Harry Potter if he ever lost his glasses. He was in a bad predicament. He asked all his best friends for help. Zacky suggested giving her flowers with a cute little note. Jimmy and Johnny said to sing for her. Brian rolled his eyes at his best friends’ ideas and arrogantly told Matthew to wait to take her to the studio.

Too indecisive and confused, Matthew fused all their ideas together. He took Tabitha to the small recording studio Brian owned and made sure to place purple tulips everywhere. Tabitha only liked the flowers for their color. She wasn’t a fan of plants.

Matthew sang an acoustic set especially for Tabitha, which made her smile nonstop. However, she frowned when she remembered when all the other women accused her of using physicality to get what she wanted.

“I thought you’d like this…” Matthew said, dropping the guitar to the carpet.

“Oh no I do!” Tabitha reassured. She walked up to where he was sitting on a stool and touched his arm. “Trust me I really do. It’s very sweet. It’s just…I don’t want to tell you.”

He walked over to the couch where she previously sat and let himself sink into it. Tabitha had to follow. They sat there without saying anything. Everything was quiet. Matthew learned that he couldn’t push Tabitha to tell him things she didn’t want to share. He had to wait it out. He needed a lot of patience for her. He didn’t need to be patient any longer as Tabitha finally admitted that the other girls at the mansion thought of her as a gold digger. She couldn’t help but to tell him with a shaky voice. He sighed and hugged her—he found she liked his hugs, but never said she did.

He wanted to do something about the other women accusing her of something so vile, but he knew if he did, it’d only prove to the others that he favored her. He did, of course he did, but he couldn’t put Tabitha in even more turmoil. She was emotionally unstable before, he didn’t want it to show itself again.

It was in those quiet and intense moments that Tabitha enjoyed the most. If she wasn’t engaged in a serious conversation with Matthew then she was off experiencing something new. She liked that what they had was serious and taken into account for. She wanted to think of what they had as a relationship, but was it that?

“Thank you,” Tabitha said, giving Matthew a kiss on the cheek.

He smiled. “For what?”

“Being here while I cried.”

“I’m here whenever you need me.”

“I know,” she breathed. “I appreciate it, I really do.”

He bit his lip. As perfect as everything seemed to be, there was always one thing that tormented them. “I really wish you would trust me. I’m not going to hurt you.”

“I know that. I really do,” she said. He kissed the spot where her temple was and returned to comfortably hugging her waist.

“I’m sorry I cried. That killed the mood,” she muttered.

“That’s alright. At least you didn’t run away from me,” was his distracted reply. He was more fascinated with Tabitha tickling his thigh with her fingers. She ran her fingernails against his jean-clad thigh and that was all. The sensation made him want to shy away but it felt lovely.

She giggled. “Yeah that is true.”

They turned their bodies, mirroring each other. “So, do you feel better?” Matthew asked, rubbing her arms.

“I do.”

The question was on the tip of his tongue. It literally was waiting for him to open his mouth to let it slide past his tongue like butter on bread. His blazing eyes on her couldn’t help him duck away from the question.

“Will you be my girlfriend?” Matthew asked concretely. He sucked in a breath and made himself ready if he was rejected.

“Oh…” Tabitha was speechless. What was she supposed to say?

Matthew eventually sighed and looked down at the floor next to them. He tried to ready himself for rejection, but it still hurt no matter how protected he thought he was.

“No, don’t do that,” she frowned, reaching for his hand. “It’s just ‘cause I’ve never had a boyfriend and I don’t know how to act in a relationship.”

If that was all, it wasn’t a very big issue. “All our dates and conversations, that’s what you do in a relationship,” he explained, making a hand gesture that pointed to the both of them.

“Oh that makes sense! But I don’t want to ruin anything.”

Matthew sighed. Tabitha doubted too much. “It’s bound to happen. No one’s perfect. The important thing is that we don’t scream at each other all the time. If we can talk it out and solve our problems, we’ll be fine.”

It took a few minutes for Tabitha to process everything Matthew said. The things he said made perfect sense. She had so many uncertainties out of fright. She didn’t want their relationship to fall apart. She didn’t want anything that was similar to her parents. It didn’t matter that her parents decided to work their problems out because before they met each other again, they broke apart that left both parties depressed and regretful. But like Tabitha told herself, she wanted to face her problems head on. She wasn’t going to run away anymore prior to her moments of weakness when things got too tough.

“We’ll be fine.”

That was the one sentence replaying in her head. When had Matthew ever lied or steered her wrong? He always wanted the best for her and he would definitely do his damned hardest to make it happen.

She nodded more to assure herself than him. “Yes, I would love to be your girlfriend.”

He smiled and bear hugged her. She had the power to bring his unhappy self back up to happy again in a mere second. That was amazing, but it was also a terrifying power she held.

Now that they were an official couple, what was she supposed to do? Were things supposed to change? How was she supposed to act? He seemed to answer her question when he lay back on the couch and took her with him. So they were supposed to act like they always did.