Just to Live

The sounds of rushing waters somehow lulled Tabitha to a drift less sleep except she couldn’t sleep. While Odell was delicately working on her arms, Tabitha reviewed her day with Amy and Matthew’s family. With the odds with her for once, Tabitha felt wanted and liked when she spent half of her day with Amy and the other half with Matthew and his family. Everyone seemed intrigued by Tabitha’s heritage alone. They asked questions one after another but didn’t make her feel uncomfortable. That was a first. It was exciting to think that she felt so at home with Matthew’s family. Before she hadn’t known the true definition of a happy family, but getting to know Matthew’s made her realize they did exist.

It seemed that Matthew’s family couldn’t get enough of Tabitha. They invited her back consistently for dinner, lunch, brunch, or even a midnight snack. They joked that they liked her more than they liked Matthew, which of course wasn’t the case, but it was always fun to tease him.

Odell’s fingers and thumbs slipped from Tabitha’s palm. She didn’t think much of it since he periodically had to wipe his hands on a clean towel so his hands weren’t too slippery from the massage oil. As soon as he returned to massage her scalp, she knew something was wrong. Whoever’s hands touching Tabitha’s head did not belong to Odell. Odell’s fingers were always moisturized and velvety. Whoever dared intruding to touch her scalp had rough and dry fingertips.

When Tabitha opened her eyes, she stared at Matthew upside down. He was really massaging the roots of her hair. At least she wasn’t going to have to act out in self-defense.

Although his fingertips were rough due to guitar playing and exercising at a workout center, they were almost identical to Odell’s soft touches. Tabitha closed her eyes and groaned at the stupefying feeling. No wonder Erika fell asleep so quickly during their failed movie night.

The head massage lasted a little bit longer until Tabitha realized she was naked underneath the cloth that covered her body. She blushed, knowing it was too noticeable.

“You’re fucking adorable. I love you,” Matthew chuckled.

Her eyes snapped open and her hands grabbed his wrists. They locked each other down with a bewildered stare. “WHAT…?” she breathed.

Matthew’s face dropped. By no means did he expect to say that aloud, not yet. They were only four months into their relationship, what was he thinking? He was dealing with someone who had never been in a relationship before. “Did I just say that?”

Tabitha lifted herself up and turned. She nodded. “You really did.”

“Oh, uh, I’m sorry.”

She pursed her lips slightly. “Why are you sorry?”

“‘Cause you probably don’t wanna hear that. Forget I said anything!” he explained, waving his hands at her.

“Matt, it’s okay.” She remained quiet for a while. “Uhm…I care a lot about you. I don’t want to but you make it so hard. I’m actually pretty happy whenever I’m with you. You know, like, I feel safe with you. I feel protected. I do love you.”

‘My god, can she get anymore perfect?’ he thought blissfully. He knew she said she loved him because she felt it too. She had a difficult time expressing her feelings verbally so for her to admit he was her protector, it definitely unquestionably meant more to him that Tabitha confessing her love.

“Can you get into clothes so I can hug you without it being weird?”

She laughed. “That would make sense.” She walked out of the room and into the changing room across the hall. When she had her clothes on her body and proceeded to head back into the room her boyfriend was in, Odell stood at the door with a smile only a mother could think was adorable.

“What happened!” he declared.

“He said he loves me,” she sighed dreamily.

“OH MY GOD!”

“I know! I have to go back in there!”

“Go go!”

Odell opened the door and pushed the poor girl in there so when she stumbled in, she yelped and made the loudest noises possible almost tripping over a chair. Matthew looked at her with a cheesy smile. As he hugged her and took in the scent of almond oil that clung to Tabitha’s skin, he thought of an idea.

“Do you trust me?” he asked. She didn’t have to say anything. She gave him a roll with her eyes. That was all it took for him to take her to the beach.

“Are you gonna teach me to swim again?” Tabitha asked, jumping onto the concrete.

Matthew licked his lips. “I’m gonna try. If you say no, I won’t and we can do whatever you want.”

Tabitha looked shy and innocent as her eyes darted back and forth from the ocean and the boardwalk. “Can we go to the boardwalk?”

“Anything you want,” he replied, holding her hand.

Nothing special happened at the boardwalk. They most they did, but also the most fun they had was walk along the trail and talk to each other. Talking was what they needed some guidance on and when they were together, Tabitha got better at voicing her thoughts.

By the time Matthew and Tabitha walked into the water, the crazy waves calmed down. They waded around in the still water to become accustomed to the temperature. Matthew didn’t expect much to happen, but when Tabitha spoke, he was nearly speechless.

“Matt, can you teach me to swim?” she asked.

“Are you serious?” he questioned back.

“Yeah.” She nodded her head. “I wanna learn how to.”

Tabitha was quicker to accept Matthew’s methods of teaching her to swim this time. A lot of it was because of trust. She trusted him profusely, knowing he wouldn’t allow anything to happen to her. He would have to give up his title as her knight if he couldn’t protect her.

Eventually, Tabitha was able to swim on her own. She wasn’t a world-class swimmer like Phelps, but she was able to move around without needing her hands or feet to touch the sand floor.

“I can swim!” she shouted.

“Yes you can! I’m so proud of you!” he praised. “And look, you learned something new all by yourself. That only proves you’re not weak and you didn’t give up on something.”

It was a gesture so small, yet it meant so much. Who else would go out of their way to think of something so meaningful to prove to her that she had a sort of purpose in life? She knew she could never explain how wonderful he was to her.