Just to Live

It was pretentious to comprehend that Tabitha lost her job after only working for two months. Her loss of a job was not because someone took it away, but that she decided to quit all on her own. Of course, she knew that would mean she had no income to support her family, but she estimated that she still had luck and would find a way to keep her family safe.

Tabitha counted herself as fortunate that she was able to find an abandoned warehouse so her mother and sister had a safer and slightly warmer place to sleep at night rather than on the street or in the dirty and insect infested cave in the park.

After swiping a few fruits from the outdoor farmer’s market, she walked back to the warehouse to give her family the stolen goods. Erika took an apple with gratefulness. She bit into the apple and chewed slowly, thoughtfully to savor the flavor. Tabitha almost wept having to see her baby sister eat as though that piece of fruit was the last thing on Earth she would ever consume.

Maria pulled Tabitha to a corner where Erika would not be able to see them. Maria crossed her arms over her chest and tapped her left foot impatiently. “I’m not stupid, what happened when we found you at the mansion? You looked like you lost 20 pounds.”

“Nothing mom,” Tabitha replied, turning away from her mother. She was never a good fabricator.

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Mama, nothing happened!” Tabitha cried.

Maria scoffed. “Fine. I can’t believe you quit. You were finally able to make a life for yourself and you decide it’s not good enough for you.”

Tabitha could not believe her own mother thought she applied for the job to leave behind her family. “That’s not it at all,” she replied through gritted teeth.

“Are you kidding? You walked out of that mansion with a smug look on your face. Don’t tell me your standards are too high to be a maid.”

“I’m not telling you why I left.”

“You don’t have to. You can look after your sister from now on. I’m going to try to get that job so we can keep her alive.”

“Mom!” Tabitha gasped. She couldn’t believe her mother was trying to pile immense amounts of guilt on her so she could confess her secrets.

“No!” Maria roared, slapping her daughter’s hand away.

“Mama! Alright!” Tabitha screeched. “I left because I was being selfish! I had a bed to sleep in and good food to eat while you and Erika were outside in the street starving!”

“Tabitha Theresa Escobar! You listen to me, and you listen good,” Maria snarled, pointing a dismissive finger to her daughter. “You know you thought about getting that job so we could stop suffering! Stop being so goddamned stubborn and march back to that mansion and plead for that nice man to take you back!”

“Are you kidding?! My pride was practically gone when I told them I’m homeless! I want some dignity left!”

“Pride and dignity are thrown out the window when you have no place to live and no food and water!”

“Well I’m sorry I’m not the daughter you want me to be!”

Unable to contain her anger, Tabitha disrespectfully turned away from Maria and began to walk away.

“Where are you going?!” Maria shouted.

“Out!” Tabitha shouted back.

“It’s going to rain!”

“Oh the fuck well.”

Fueled with rage, Tabitha sat on the ramp where the loading dock was, throwing rocks out towards the street. She never lost her temper with her mother. Through the fury, she couldn’t help but to question if she was changing. Going against her mother’s words was disrespectful, yet she did it anyways. “What’s wrong with me?” she muttered to herself.

Erika looked back and forth, finding Tabitha sitting all alone, tossing rocks to her enjoyment. She ran towards her sister and hugged her. “Are you okay now?”

The hug took Tabitha by astonishment so she was not able to respond to the embrace in time. She smiled at Erika, “Yeah I am. Don’t worry about me.”

“I heard your argument with mommy. Can you tell me why you left? I don’t understand…” Erika in a soft voice, taking a seat besides Tabitha.

“I don’t want to make you feel sad or anything.”

“I won’t though, I promise!”

“Alright. Well, when I was living there, it felt like we were back in our old house and I started feeling guilty about it. How is it fair I’m allowed to enjoy all those things like we used to when you and mom don’t get to you know? It made me feel so horrible.”

Erika pouted, giving Tabitha another hug. “Aw, don’t feel that way. You know you gave us money to survive off of.”

“Yeah I know that.”

“Yeah and mommy was able to buy me more clothes that weren’t ripped. And she bought us blankets and a book bag to put it in. It wasn’t so bad.”

“Erika, you know you’re only nine. You shouldn’t have to go through these things,” reasoned Tabitha, shaking her head at the mere image of seeing her little sister having to beg for change.

The young girl shrugged her shoulders. “But I do, and I’m okay with it. I’m not angry at you or mommy. Things happen and you can’t do anything about it. I think I understand now.”

Tabitha nodded. “Yeah, you definitely do.”

“Can we go back inside? I’m sleepy now.”

“Sure thing sweetie. Let’s go.”

Tabitha proceeded to carry Erika in her arms. Erika’s eyes slowly began to droop in exhaustion.

“You know, this feels like it did back home. When you carried me to my room when I fell asleep watching Finding Nemo with you.”

“I remember that,” Tabitha answered, smiling at the memory. “I promise we’ll be able to do that again.”

“Okay Tabby.”