Confidence

The blood was boiling in my veins as I watched the scene unfold in front of my eyes. This didn’t make any sense. When he called me an hour ago, he told me that he had caught a pretty bad cold from his little sister. He wanted to take a rain check on our date that night, and I agreed, definitely not wanting to get sick before the SATs on Saturday.

But when I decided to take my chances and take him some chicken soup, his favorite thing to eat when he’s sick, the last thing I expected to see was an unfamiliar lime green VW Bug in the driveway. No one that I knew drove such a tacky car. I walked towards the car, and that’s when I saw it. A blonde girl, was straddling my boyfriend’s lap and moving her hips up and down against his. His lips were attached to her neck. Holy shiz, they were having sex in her car in the driveway of his parents’ house.

I couldn’t move. I was frozen in the spot I was standing in, right outside one of the back doors. I watched them for almost two minutes before either one of them realized that I was there. When they saw me, she immediately jumped off of him and began covering herself up. He did the same, but his eyes never left mine. He didn’t even look sorry.

“Kelly, I am so sorry…” the girl said. I recognized her now. Her name was Penny Morgan. I had noticed her checking Justin out at tryouts when he came to wish me luck before I went in front of the judges. She was on the JV cheerleading team, and she was a sophomore.

“Don’t…you dare…speak to me…” I growled. I grabbed the door in front of me and opened it. I looked down at Justin and allowed a single tear to fall down my cheek. “You…get out of the car…now.”

“Penny, get back in the car,” he said. “Kelly, if you don’t mind, we were in the middle of something, and I would like to finish what we started. We can talk later.”

“Justin, I don’t feel comfortable…” Penny started.

“No Penny, it’s okay, he’s right about one thing. Go ahead, get back in the car. You guys should finish. But do you know what you were wrong about, Justin?”

“Do you think I give a shit?” he responded.

“There is no way in hell you and I are going to be ‘talking later’ about this, Justin. We’re done.”

“You’re breaking up with me? That wasn’t part of the plan, Kelly.”

“Wait, did you really think you were going to get away with this?”

“I have for the last two months,” he countered.

“Well then, I’m sure these next couple without me should be no problem then,” I said. I turned to Penny and gave her a small smile. “Don’t worry, sweetie. I promise that I’ll make your fall from grace easy and painless. It’ll be like…well, like you never existed in any of the social circles.”

“Kelly, why are you being such a bitch right now?”

“You might want to reconsider the whole being with him thing, Penny. Once a cheater, always a cheater. How long before he starts screwing another girl behind your back?” I continued to say to her, ignoring Justin’s last comment. “Just think about it, okay? I’m looking out for your best interest.”

In one final stand, I took the cup of soup that I still held in my hand and threw it straight at Justin’s head. Penny screamed as the liquid exploded from its container and covered the back seat of her car. Justin jumped up from his seat and onto the pavement as he screamed in pain from the heat of the soup on his exposed areas. I smiled and walked away from the scene, feeling a lot better than I had when I first walked up to the car.

But that didn’t mean that, once I got back into my own car and drove back to my own house, I still felt good. I was crying so hard that I couldn’t see more than a few inches in front of my face. When I walked into the house and my mom called out to me, I just mumbled something about being tired and wanting to go to bed, and ran up the stairs as fast as I could. I locked the door behind me, even though there was a rule in our house that bedroom doors were never to be locked, because I wanted to cry in private. I may have seemed all strong and confident at Justin’s house, but the truth was, I was dying inside. My almost two year long relationship was over, and he didn’t seem to care. Why didn’t he care?

“Kelly, honey, are you alright?”

“Mom, I don’t want to talk about it. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?” I yelled back, my pillow covering my face so the sound was muffled and probably hard for her to hear and understand what I was saying. But she didn’t come in, and I was thankful for that. I just wanted to sleep and forget, at least for tonight, what had just happened.

The next day at school, it was clear that word had gotten around that Justin and I had broken up. People were staring at me with looks that they had never given me before. It was like they were feeling sorry for me. Of course, I was feeling sorry for myself and all, but the last thing I wanted was for everyone else to feel that way. Surrounded by a few of my friends, who protected me from all the words and teasing that was being thrown my way, I made my way to my locker to get my books for my first class. As I opened the door, a piece of paper attached to a long-stemmed single red rose fell onto the floor.

“What the…?” I muttered. I leaned down and picked it up. My name was written on the outside of the paper. I didn’t recognize the handwriting. It wasn’t Justin’s for sure, and for a minute I didn’t know if I wanted to open it and read it because of that fact alone.

“What is it, Kelly?” my friend Cassie asked me.

“I don’t know,” I told her. “Should I open it?”

“Well if you don’t, I will,” she said, reaching for the folded piece of paper. I pulled it back, and that was the moment when I realized that I wanted to know what this was, what this meant, and who this amazingly small, but amazingly perfect, gesture was from. “Well then, that’s our answer then, isn’t it?”

“Shut up,” I growled. I handed her the rose and unfolded the note. It was written on simple notebook paper. The handwriting wasn’t the neatest in the world, but it wasn’t sloppy either. Four simple lines were written on it. I immediately recognized them as song lyrics.

“Well, what does it say?” Cassie asked me.

“It’s a song,” I said.

“Someone wrote a song for you?” she gasped. “Are you for real?”

“Wandering the streets in a world underneath it all. Nothing seems to be, nothing tastes as sweet as what I can’t have. Like you and the way that you’re twisting your hair ‘round your finger…”

“Oh my goodness you do that all the time,” Cassie squealed.

“Thank you, Captain Obvious,” I growled. I turned my head back down to the paper and finished reading the last line of the song. “Tonight I’m not afraid to tell you what I feel about you.”

“Does it say who it’s from?”

“No, that’s it. Just the words. Nothing else. Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Wait, there’s something on the back here. What does that say?” I flipped the paper over and written in extremely small words were two simple sentences.

He doesn’t know what he gave away, and if you give me the chance, I will never do anything to hurt you. For you, I will.

“That is so romantic,” Cassie giggled. “You’ve got a secret admirer, Kelly.”

“But who is it?”

“I think the point of a ‘secret admirer’ is that you don’t know who it is,” she countered. The bell rang, signaling for us to head to our first period classes, and kids began to scatter. “Just look at it this way. On one of the worst days of your life, something good is happening.”

“Whatever you say, Cassie. I’m going to be late for physics.” I pulled my thick physics book from my locker and closed it, taking the rose and paper with me. Cassie was right, this could possibly be the silver lining that I was looking for on one of my darkest days. Although I didn’t know who this guy was, I was anxious to see if there were more roses, and more lyrics, to come.

And boy, did they keep on coming. In each of my six classes that day, on my desk as I walked into the classroom, was another rose with another piece of the puzzle. By the time I walked to my car at the end of the day, I had eight roses and eight pieces of paper clutched in my hand. The song that my nameless prince had written down for me was a beautiful one, and it fit me and who I was in every single way possible. I drove home, going through the names of every guy in the senior class that could possibly be the one behind all of this, but since most of them were friends with Justin and had the mental capacity of a pencil, I eliminated most of them pretty quickly. I had no idea who this guy could be.

As usual, no one was home. The empty house was eerily quiet, but I liked it that way. With no parents around, it would give me a better chance to figure out just who my secret admirer was. When I got up to my room, I grabbed my yearbook from last year and began to flip through it, looking for anyone who caught my eye. When I went through the entire junior class [who were now the seniors], I came to the conclusion that this was definitely not anyone in my grade. So I began to look through the sophomores and the freshman, although the thought alone gave me a slight shiver down my spine. An hour later, I still had no leads.

“Why can’t I figure this out?” I said out loud, slamming the book shut and throwing it to the other side of my bed.

Because you’re not meant to, my subconscious answered for me. I rolled my eyes at the thought. When my eyes came on my desk and my closed laptop, that’s when I saw it. Another red rose and a small envelope with my name on it. I leapt off the bed, grabbed the envelope, and opened it. There was a single card inside, and it had three lines of lyric written on it.

For you, I will. For you, I will. For you, I will.

But what was new this time was the letter personally addressed to me on the other side. Although my admirer hadn’t identified himself once again, he did tell me where I could find him.

Kelly, I know you have a lot of questions. But the only thing you need to know is that I am in love with you, and I don’t see that happening any time soon. You are worth so much more than he ever gave you. I am more than ready to let you know who I am. Tonight, I will be waiting for you at the Paper Lantern at 8pm. I will be the one with the red rose on the table. I hope to see you there. Oh, and PS…bring the song. I’d love to be able to sing it to you.

“Holy shit,” I murmured. I grabbed my phone and dialed Cassie’s number. It took calling her three times before she finally answered.

“This better be good, Davis. Matt and I were just about to sneak in a quickie before his soccer practice,” she said. I held back the gag that was sliding up my throat as I heard Cassie’s boyfriend moaning on the other end of the phone.

“There was another rose waiting for me in my room when I got home, and he wants to meet me at the Paper Lantern at 8 tonight to reveal his identity to me,” I said in one breath. There was a brief pause on Cassie’s side, and then I heard a loud thump. “What was that?”

“Matt fell on the floor. I’m on my way, you had me at ‘another rose’,” she told me. Then the line went dead.

At 8 o’clock on the dot, Cassie and I were standing outside of the bohemian-style Chinese restaurant Paper Lantern. We were peeking into the window, trying to find my secret admirer before I went inside. If it was someone I didn’t want to be seen in public with, I would be out of here so fast I wouldn’t have time to think about how much I would be killing the poor guy inside.

“Oh, I think I found him and…oh my God are you going to just die,” Cassie said excitedly.

“Where?” I asked enthusiastically, turning my head in the direction she was looking in. She pointed, and my knees got weak.

“I don’t mean to sound unsupportive, Kelly, but if you don’t want him, that is one boy that I would kick Matthew Johnson for in a heartbeat,” Cassie smirked.

“That won’t be necessary,” I told her. He was the last person I ever expected to be behind this, but probably should have been the first person I thought of. A musical prodigy, he was already being called the next Paul McCartney around campus. His brown, thick curly hair was just begging to be touched and played with. He had these insanely beautiful brown eyes that made you believe in hypnosis. And his smile…it was breathtaking. “Cassie, how did I not think about him before?”

“Because he’s a junior…because he’s only the second string quarterback behind your asshole of an ex-boyfriend…because he’s quiet and keeps to himself?”

“But still…”

“My advice to you, sweetie, is to get your ass in there and get that cutie pie before he leaves,” she told me. I turned back and looked at him. He looked down at his watch and then turned his head to the front door. He was looking for me.

“Alright, I’m going in,” I said. We hugged, and then I headed for the entrance to the restaurant. When I walked in, and I locked eyes with my secret admirer, a smile flashed on that beautiful face of his, and I couldn’t help but smile back.

“Nick Jonas,” I said, like I knew it was him all along.

“Kelly Davis,” he said back. He stood to his feet, and as soon as I was beside him, I embraced him in a tight hug. He returned the embrace. “I almost thought you weren’t going to show.”

“Trust me, after the day I’ve had, finding all these roses and song lyrics in each of my classes and in my locker with no idea who sent them to me, there was no way I was going to pass up a chance like this.”

“Well I’m glad that you liked the flowers,” Nick said. “Women as beautiful as you should be treated as such. There are just some jerks that don’t get that.”

“Yeah, believe me, I know what you mean. In our entire two year relationship, I don’t think I ever got flowers from Justin…” I paused when I accidently let his name slip from my lips and saw Nick wince. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“No, don’t worry about it. It was a simple mistake. So, are you hungry?”

“Starving,” I said, reaching for my menu. Nick reached out and softly touched my wrist, stopping me from lifting the laminated paper to my face.

“We’re not eating here,” he told me. He stood up from his seat and helped me up from mine. “I just needed a familiar place for us to meet. I’ve got a much more…secluded spot for us to share our first date.” He took hold of my hand and led me out into the parking lot. He opened the door to a Mercedes sedan, which I was pretty sure was his parents’ car, and I slid inside. Once he got into the driver’s side, he started the engine. Elvis Costello’s hit song Allison rang through the speakers. “Do you like Elvis Costello?”

“Believe it or not, I do,” I said, leaning back into the seat and smiling as I let the smooth voice of Elvis Costello take me to my happy place. Only this time, there was a new person in my happy place with me…Nick.

“We’re here,” he said. He turned off the car and got out through the door. He opened mine for me and helped me out. “I hope you like pizza.”

“You seem to know a lot about what I like and don’t like, Mr. Jonas,” I laughed as I let him lead me to a red and white checkered picnic blanket. There was a pizza box sitting on the blanket, and I caught a small whiff of pepperoni. It made my mouth water. There was a guitar lying on the grass as well. “What is the guitar for?”

“I was going to play you your song,” he told me as we sat down. He grabbed the guitar and put the strap around his shoulder. “You know, the one that was in all the letters I sent you?”

“Oh right,” I said with a smirk. “Well then, go ahead Mr. Superstar. Wow me with your brilliance.”

He smiled at me, and placed his fingers on the neck of the instrument. As he began playing, I watched his eyes. They were so full of love and determination and confidence. I envied his emotions. I wished I had something that could make me feel all that he was feeling. But then I realized that I did have something. I had him.

“Wandering the streets in a world underneath it all. Nothing seems to be, nothing tastes as sweet as what I can’t have. Like you and the way that you’re twisting your hair ‘round your finger. Tonight I’m not afraid to tell you what I feel about you. I’m gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have, and cannonball into the water. I’m gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have, for you I will. For you, I will.

“Forgive me if I s-s-stutter from all of the clutter in my head. ‘Cuz I could fall asleep in those eyes like a water bed. Do I seem familiar? I’ve crossed you in hallways a thousand times. No more camouflage, I want to be exposed and I’m not afraid to fall. I’m gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have, and cannonball into the water. I’m gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have, for you I will.

“You always want what you can’t have, but I’ve got to try. I’m gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have, for you I will. For you I will. For you I will. If I could dim the lights in the mall and create a mood I would shout out your name so it echoes in every room I would. That’s what I’d do. That’s what I’d do to get through to you.

“You always want what you can’t have, but I’ve got to try. I’m gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have, for you I will. For you I will. For you I will.”

“I can’t believe that you wrote that for me,” I muttered. He put the guitar back down on the grass and then slid over to sit beside me. “Can I ask you one thing?”

“Anything,” he said.

“What was with all the secrecy? If you really feel like this about me, you should have just told me.”

“But then where is the fun in that?” he said with a smirk. There was that confidence again. “I knew that you wouldn’t have given me the time of day at school, so I had to come up with some way to get your attention.”

“What makes you think I wouldn’t give you the time of day?” I asked him.

“You seriously don’t know the answer to that question?”

“Do you want to know why I was late tonight? Cassie Hunt and I were scanning the restaurant so that I knew who you were before I walked in. When we saw that you were the one I was meeting tonight, we were both giddy like school girls. You’re on more peoples’ radars that you think, Nick.”

“I only care about being on one person’s radar,” he said, leaning in so close that our noses would touch if either one of us flinched.

“Oh yeah, and who’s would that be?”

“Here’s a hint,” he said. He moved in, and his lips crashed onto mine. As he pulled away minutes later, I couldn’t help but let a smile creep up on my face. I had never been kissed like that in my entire life. If I had been standing up, there would be no way I would still be on my feet after a kiss like that. “I wouldn’t have stopped, but I didn’t know if that was okay…”

I cut him off by kissing him again. It had been a crazy twenty-four hours, and I had no idea my life would be taking such a drastic turn, but after all that had happened to me, I was finally realizing that I was supposed to go through all of that hell in order to get to this exact moment. Justin was supposed to be the one to break my heart. Nick was supposed to be the one to mend it. I was getting more and more confidence every time our lips made contact that this, in fact, was the way my life was supposed to happen. I was ready to take the plunge and, like Nick’s song said, cannonball into the water.