Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am

"Vito is gonna freak when he sees this shit."

Ryan Dunn shook his head in disbelief. "Forget him freaking out Bam. He'll skip his mumble jumble talk and go straight to fuckin' killin' you."

Behind him Brandon DiCamillo and Rake Yohn laughed as they watched the crane carefully lower Don Vito's vehicle into the pool.

Bam grinned his devilish grin. "What's he gonna do? He parked in Phil's spot...again. I know after last time I told him I'd never mess with it, but he should know by now that he can't park there."

Raab nodded and smiled. "He's put up with Bam's shenanigans for twenty five years now, he should be expecting shit like this. Not to mention it'll make April happy and then she won't be as mad when she has to clean up the mud in the house."

The boys learned early on, that anything they did to Vito was fine by Ape. In fact, she quite enjoyed it.

After they unhooked the crane, Tim Glomb got rid of it as they watched the vehicle gradually began sinking, front end first

"Still up to no good?" The voice came from above them. "God, I am so proud."

Everyone turned and looked up at the deck to see who it was.

"Holy Jesus, what are you doin' here Knoxville?" Dunn asked.

Rabe shook his head but grinned none the less. "You scared us, thought you might be Phil."

Johnny grinned and moved his hands up and down the length of his body in a 'get a load of this hot bod' motion. "Do I really look like Phil?" he asked seriously.

Bam laughed as he shook his head. "No you don't look anything like Phil's fat ass," he said before wandering back into the house with everyone else close behind. "What are you doing here so early? The party isn't till tomorrow night."

Johnny met them at the top of the stairs. "Actually I was looking at houses, and my girlfriend is flying in today with her best friend," he paused to check out their expressions before adding, "they wanna come to the party."

Bam nodded then suddenly wandered down to the Pirate Bar while everyone else cracked up.

"You of all people still have a fuckin girlfriend?" Rake asked.

DiCo, clearly interested flopped down onto one of the leather couches, patting the empty spot beside him. "Care to elaborate Knoxville?"

"On what?"

"Same girl?" DiCo asked.

"What's she like in bed?" Raab asked curiously.

Suddenly Bam appeared again, beer in hand as he passed one to Knoxville.

"Thanks." Johnny said as he popped the top off. "Yeah I'm still with Natasha," he pointed the bottle opening towards Raab, "and yes Raab, she is very good in bed."

"A little nurses gone wild," Dunn grinned.

"So what's the friend look like?" DiCo asked, stretching his legs out in front of him and resting his feet on the coffee table.

"She's....pretty," Johnny replied as he fished in his wallet for a picture of Natasha and her friend.

"Pretty?" Rake asked quizzically.

"Yeah man he can't come out and say she's hot or Tash would kick his ass," Raab laughed at the mental image because he'd seen Tash take Johnny down before.

"Here," Johnny said as he passed DiCo the picture.

He whistled in response. "Very very nice."

***

Ferin Hamilton stretched her arms above her head as she and her best friend waited for their luggage to come. "I still can't believe your dating Johnny Knoxville."

Natasha Hudson grinned widely and shrugged her shoulders. "It's exciting, yet scary you know. I mean, when I watched Jackass, I literally thought what a bunch of morons, but when Johnny came rollin' into my hospital, I got to know him as a person you know instead of a screen identity. Since then it's been fantastic. But at the same time I'm worried cause I know I'm definitely not the only girl vying for him," she pouted as she grabbed her bag off the track. "I just don't want him to find better."

Ferin reached for her bag then turned to look Natasha in the eyes. "Tash, Johnny won't find anyone better than you, so quit worrying," she smiled, "and if he did he would have dumped you by now."

Tash playfully stuck out her tongue then glanced around. "Well he isn't here yet, but it looks half assed nice out so let's go wait outside."

Ferin nodded and picked up her bag and followed close behind her friend, taking in all the different people. She wasn't sure what she'd gotten herself into. She was an avid Viva La Bam and Jackass fan but never in her life had she dreamed that one day she would actually be going to Castle Bam. Inside she was dying to meet everyone, but it was also scaring her half to death. What if no one liked her? Then it would become the trip from hell.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Ferin turned to Natasha and smiled softly. "I was just thinking about how our little trip could become a nightmare."

Natasha laughed and sat down on the curb, motioning for Ferin to join her. "Oh come on. You're always telling me how hot Bam is, now you get to meet him. And you don't have to worry about staying there because Johnny said he was gonna get hotel rooms for us."

Ferin fiddled with her sweater zipper before glancing down the road, hoping to see the ever familiar hummer, but there was nothing. "What if they take one look at me and decide to send me to keep Don Vito entertained?"

Tash raised her eyebrows as she studied her. "Jesus Ferin, they'd send me away before they'd ever send you away."

Ferin playfully stuck out her tongue before beginning to stand, brushing off her jeans and holding her hands on her butt trying to warm it up when a purple PT Cruiser pulled up. Ferin recognized the woman who stepped out and hurried towards them as April Margera, Bam's ever forgiving mom.

Clasping her hands together she stopped just short of them. "Natasha it's good to see you again," as she pulled her into a hug then turned to Ferin.

"And you must be the friend the boys were all gagga over when I left. I'm April, but call me Ape," she extended her hand.

"Ferin," she said awkardly as she shook Ape's hand. "How do the boys know me?"

"Ferin," Ape repeated as she smiled, "that's quite a unique name." She picked up the girl's bags. "And it was a picture Johnny had in his wallet of you two."

Ferin groaned. She hated the picture. "Oh man. I thought Johnny threw that out?" she directed the last part to Tash as she opened the passenger door and climbed into the back seat so Tash could ride up front with Ape.

"I'm so glad Jenn and I aren't going to be the only girls in the house for a while." Ape had tossed their bags into the back of the PT Cruiser before joining them. "Those boys can be so overwhelming at times," she grinned and did up her seatbelt.

Ferin thought back to what shed seen on TV. "I dont doubt that at all."

She did up her seatbelt and stretched out in the backseat as Ape pulled away from the curb. "Sorry Johnny and Bam weren't here to pick you up. Shortly after Johnny showed up the pranks began. So when it came time to pick you up, I had half of them covered in mud, and the other half covered in paint."

"Figures." Natasha mumbled.

Ape smiled as she glanced from the road to Tash and back. "Yeah those boys are something else," she sighed. "But I love them."

The rest of the trip was traveled in silence as they both payed attention to where Ape was driving them. Not too far down the road she turned onto a private road and drove up to a large brick house, known world wide as Castle Bam.

"Welcome to our home Ferin." Ape said as she climbed outta the car.

Natasha hopped out of the car and let Ferin out of the backseat. "Your're gonna' like it here."

The shattering of glass caught their attention as something flew through the sliding glass doors, hit the hood of Ape's car and smacked into the windshield.

"What the hell is going on?" Ape yelled as she glanced at her car then up at the broken door where Ryan Dunn stood.

"Hurry Ape pass me the ball before Bam gets another home run!"

"Are you kidding me Ryan?" she yelled as she stormed into the house, clearly to pissed off to say anything about her dented hood and broken windshield.

"We gotta' catch this." Natasha giggled as she grabbed Ferin by the sweater, picked up both of their bags and ran towards the house. On the way by, Ferin snatched the baseball up off the ground.

"Ape what the hell?" Bam yelled as the boys started thundering down the stairs. "You messed up our game."

Ape glared at her son and watched as Phil, her husband, slowly appeared at the top of the stairs. "Come on Ape," he murmured.

Ape's mouth fell open as she shook her finger at Phil then at Bam. "You're just as bad as he is!" She stormed down the stairs into the Pirate Bar.

Ferin held back her laughter while the others weren't quite so discrete. Suddenly Johnny appeared behind Phil. Placing his hand on Phil's shoulder. "Bam I think I broke my ass sliding home."

Natasha glanced at Ferin then up at Johnny, she knew he couldn't see her because she was currently hidden behind Rake. "Does that mean I get to inspect it?" she asked playfully.

Johnny raised his eyebrows and looked in Rakes direction, when Tash peeked around Rake's arm.

Johnny laughed and started hobbling down the stairs. "Tash baby, I thought for a minute Rake wanted to fix my ass."

The guys laughed but Rake was clearly a little pissed off. "Do I sound like a fuckin girl man?"

Johnny ignored him as Tash bounded up the stairs meeting him half way and engulfing him in a big hug.

Ferin moved passed Raab and handed the ball to Bam, who was dressed up in make shift baseball uniform. "Sorry I wasn't quicker. I didn't want Ape to think I was just like her boys on the first day here." She smiled before adding, "by the way I'm Ferin,"

Bam eyed her up and down, she definitely wasn't what he was expecting, but neither was Natasha when he first met her considering Knoxville's taste in women.

The picture Johnny had didn't do her justice. Ferin wore black Adio skate shoes, faded blue jeans with a black belt and a pink element zip up sweater with a white lace top peeking out from underneath. Her honey blond hair was teased up into a messy bun and she wore big silver hoop earrings with just enough make-up to accentuate her sparkly green eyes.

Bam took the ball from her and noticed she also sported 3 very nice rings and manicured finger nails. His first thought was, high maintenance.

"No worries Dunn woulda fucked up the pass anyway."

Smiling she turned to look at Natasha who winked at her then proceeded to introduce her. "Everyone this is my best friend Ferin Hamilton. And if you ever want her to come back, ya'll better be nice to her while she's here."

DiCo descended further down the stairs and dropped to one knee in front of her. "My fair lady, I'm Sir Brandon DiCamillo, and it is a pleasure to have you here at Bam's Castle."

Everyone broke out into laughter.

"DiCo your such an idiot." Raab stated.

Ferin smiled and said hi to everyone whom introduced themselves even though she already knew their names. She glanced up at Tash who was firmly tucked in Johnnys arms.

"So," Tash said as she looked around, "where is Mr. Jess Margera?"

"On tour again. The Crew will be back in a couple days." Bam replied.

Tash nodded. "And how's Tim?"

"Glomb is fine." Ryan stated.

Johnny picked up Tashs bags. "So where can we sleep Bam?"

Ferin glanced up at Tash stunned, and Tash caught on quick. "What about the hotel? We don't want to inconvenience Bam."

Johnny glanced at her and grinned. "No worries. Bam said we could stay here."

Bam grinned. He'd clearly caught them off guard. "Sleep where ever the fuck you want." He gestured back up the stairs. "I do believe there are at least 2 bedrooms up there that aren't currently occupied. And if you don't like sleeping alone," he paused and looked directly at Ferin. "One of those asses would love your company."

Ferin glared at him. If he just insinuated that she looked like she needed to sleep with someone, this little visit was not going to go well.

"Thank you," she muttered as she picked up her bag and slung the strap over her shoulder. "But I would really appreciate an unoccupied room."

Bam nodded and grinned his heart stopping smile as she pushed past him. The smell of her perfume caught his attention. He guessed it caught Dunn's too because he offered to take her bag and show her an empty room. Raab moved up beside him.

"She's fuckin hot man."

Bam shrugged his shoulders and smirked as he tossed the ball up in the air and caught it. "Let's go finish the game," he said as he slapped the ball into Raab's palm and began his way back up the stairs.

He had to agree with Raab, she was very good looking, but there was no way he could handle another high maintenance chick.