Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am

Fuck was about the only word Ferin could come up with in her current situation as she pulled over to the side of the road. Tash was fidgeting in her seat beside her. Ferin put the hummer in park and leaned back into her seat. A few moments later an officer tapped on the glass and she rolled the window down.

"Ma'am can I see your license and registration?"

Ferin glanced at Natasha who dug in her purse for her friend's ID. Thankfully Tash had been smart enough to bring them.

"Registration?" he repeated as he looked her license over then tucked it into the pocket below his badge.

"It's actually not my vehicle, so I'm not sure where it is," Ferin admitted as she reached across to the glove compartment, praying that it would be in there but it wasn't.

"That's what I hear," the officer said sternly. "Are you aware this vehicle was reported stolen?"

"I kind of figured that, but it's not actually stolen. It's a friends vehicle."

The cop glanced at her questioningly. This was absolutely fucking fantastic, there was no way she could even begin to explain the prank war without sounding like a complete ass.

"Here it is," Tash blurted out suddenly, passing the officer what looked like the registration. Apparently it was in the console.

"Well if it really was a friend, I doubt they'd report you. I am going to have to ask you to step out of the vehicle," he stepped back so Ferin could get out and signaled back towards the squad car and another officer emerged.

"You too miss," he directed at Tash who undid her seat belt and opened the door only to be greeted by the other officer, whom was pulling out his handcuffs.

Ferin's heart was racing as she saw the pair that were intended for her. He turned her around and slipped the ice cold metal over her wrists, "you're under arrest for grand theft auto, you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be against you in the court of law, you have the right to an attorney, if you can't afford one, one will be appointed to you by the courts," he trailed off, but her heart was beating so loud she could barely hear anything else.

Shaking her head in dismay she allowed herself to be led back to the cop car. Her whole body was quivering and she wasn't sure whether fear or rage was the culprit. And she decided that Bam had sank to a new low. A few moments later Tash joined her in the back of the cop car with her own shiny set of bracelets. They sat in shock and watched as the cops went thought the hummer, then locked the doors and took the keys and Tash's purse.

"Well," Tash finally muttered. "Now that I've actually been in this situation, the show COPS just became a whole hell of a lot less funny."

"Grand theft auto," Ferin repeated softly, "that's good for a huge ass fine, permanent record and jail time."

Tash glanced at Ferin, "Bam will get us out of this. It's his hummer after all and he knows it's a joke. And if I find out that that asshole of a boyfriend of mine had anything to do with this, I'm seriously mad enough to tell him to take a hike."

Ferin tried to smile at her friend's attempt to be humorous, but at the current moment, nothing could make her laugh. The cops looked pretty serious to her.

She leaned back into the hard leather seat and the noise her PJ pants made against the seat caused Tash to laugh.

"They could have picked a different fabric for it other than leather hey?" Tash smiled in attempt to lighten the mood.

The cops came back and slipped into the front seat of the car.

Ferin nodded, "they could have made the back seat bigger too," she was fairly small and even her knees pressed against the front seats.

"It's not suppose to be a comfort ride," the passenger cop snorted.

The ride from there to the West Chester County Jail was quiet. When they arrived, they gave up personal items, were booked then lead to their own personal holding cell. At least they were together.

**************************************************************

Bam and the boys finally strode into the house. Ape was busy making supper while Phil and Jenn sat and talked idly at the island.

"Thanks for coming to get us Phillip," DiCo frowned as he shook his head causing water to fly everywhere. They had called Phil but under Ape's instructions he was not to answer his cell.

It was raining fairly hard and Ape was quite pleased with how displeased they were. Served them right. Glomb had clearly done his job of making them walk home.

Bam glared at her, "you made me walk home in the rain."

Ape tried to look confused, "what do you mean walk, where is the hummer?"

Bam sank down onto the nearest stool, "don't play games Ape, we know that you were in on taking the hummer, you are the only one who knows where the spare keys are."

"Bam they hang on the wall out in the open," Ape protested.

"Well why the hell would you put them there?"

"So that if an emergency happens to occur we don't have to look for the keys," Jenn interjected.

Bam was going to continue the argument but he decided not to.

"Where are Tash and Ferin?" Phil asked.

Bam grinned and glanced at his watch. He'd neglected to tell the boys who his last phone call was placed to and he wasn't about to spill now. No, he'd let Tash and Ferin sit in jail a little while longer.

"I don't know, I haven't seen them since they took the hummer, Ape."

Ape shrugged, "I haven't a clue who took your hummer Bam so don't go blaming me."

Deep down she was worried though, she hadn't heard from the girls in four and a half hours, yet she didn't want to say anything and blow their plan. She glanced out the window again, well if they weren't back in an hour, she'd give them up. After a few moments of silence everyone began dispersing. Rake headed upstairs to change, DiCo and Raab headed to the game room while Jess, Dunn, Johnny and Jenn headed upstairs to watch TV.

"Do you like chicken, and baked potatoes, and caesar salad?" Ape asked Riley who was quietly sitting on a stool beside his dad.

"Yeah," he replied softly.

"What about shrimp?" Ape smiled.

Riley nodded again and she glanced at Tony, "any objections to shrimp caesar salad?"

"Nope," Tony assured her.

Ape smiled and went back to work while Phil, Riley, Tony and Bam headed upstairs to play some pool.

*****************************************************************

When Ape glanced at the clock again it was almost 5:30pm. She was now officially worried about the girls.

"Bam!"

"What?" Bam yelled from upstairs. Ape was surprised he even heard her over the 'death metal' jukebox.

"Come here!"

A few minutes later Bam bounded down the stairs, "what do you want?"

"I want you to go look for Ferin and Tash."

Bam became amused, "where would I start to look?"

Ape looked flustered, "I don't know, I'm getting worried."

"How come you let them take the hummer?"

"Because you left us on an island," Ape cracked.

"It was only going to be for a little while," Bam grinned.

"Bam," Ape repeated firmly.

He threw his hands in the air, "all right, I'll go get them."

Ape spun on her heels and glared at him, "what do you mean, I'll go get them?"

"I know where they are," Bam smiled as he pulled on the coat he had left on the table.

If looks could kill Bam swore he'd be dead.

"They better be all right," Ape warned him.

Bam did his little hand wave and headed out the door into the rain.

Jenn came back down the stairs, "where is Bam going?"

"To get the girls," Ape replied flatly as she began counting and stacking plates.

Jenn shot to attention, "where are they?"

Ape shrugged and pulled open the silverware drawer, "I don't know, but that boy better hope they are okay."

***********************************************************

When Ferin glanced at the clock again she was so mad she could spit fire. Something was definitely up because they hadn't been allowed the customary one phone call each and they hadn't met with any lawyers, hell, the cops hadn't even said one word to them since they'd been tossed in a cell and locked up nearly four and a half hours earlier.

She glanced over at Tash who was sitting on the bench beside her half asleep. She either didn't care what was going on, or she was certain Bam had something to do with it and that he'd get them out. Ferin seriously hoped it was the latter. But even if she was destined for prison, one of the cops almost fixed that by nearly giving her a heart attack.

He banged on the bars before opening them. "You two ready to go?"

Ferin looked up at him skeptically. "Go? Just a couple hours ago you were charging me with grand theft auto, how can I just go?"

The cop grinned, "guess you got out of it, your ride is here."

Ferin gently woke up Tash and they headed towards the front of the building where they were able to collect their personal items.

"Your ride is waiting for you outside," the receptionist smiled.

What the hell was everyone smiling about? Whatever, she was too mad to even say thank-you. Instead she and Tash marched outside into the light rain to see Bam leaning against his black Mercedes. His arms folded over his chest, his ankles crossed and a big grin across his face. Ferin simply stood in the doorway and stared at him. She suddenly had the inclination to walk back into the cop shop and tell them to lock her up again, rather than getting in the vehicle with Bam. She really had nothing to say to him at the current moment.

Natasha on the other hand didn't hesitate, she called him an asshole then climbed into the back seat of the Mercedes without another word. Ferin finally stepped down into the rain and hurried to the car, the last thing she needed was for her white pants to become see through.

"How ya doin?" he laughed.

She flipped him off as she rounded the hood of the car and got into the passenger seat.

Bam merely laughed and slid into the drivers seat. They drove in silence for a few minutes before Bam spoke again. He thought about giving her time to cool down but this would be much more fun.

"So how was lock-up?"

Ferin turned her head away from the window to look at him. Yep, there was 'the look' again. He'd be dead twice now.

"That good eh?" he smiled.

"Yes it was fantastic," she snapped. "How the hell did you pull that off?"

He grinned, "that particular officer is a fan. Now the arrest and everything was real, I did report my hummer stolen and I did have to pay to get you out, but you won't have a permanent record, and you didn't actually get charged with anything."

Ferin breathed a soft sigh of relief. She had to admit that she was thankful for that, it also seemed to wash away a bit of the anger.

"You have no idea how much that sucked," Tash spoke up from the back seat.

Ferin laughed for the first time in hours, "babe you slept through most of it so it couldn't have been too bad."

Tash grinned, "yeah...did Knoxville help you out with this little scheme?"

"Nope," Bam shook his head. "It was me, myself and I. They don't even know that I reported my hummer stolen."

"So I don't have to kill him?" Tash asked seriously.

"No you can't kill Knoxville. I may need him one day."

"You do know that you're going to get it good now right?" Ferin asked him.

Bam glanced over at her and laughed. "You think you can one up that? Hell, if you can do better than that, I'll give you the hummer."

Ferin raised her eyebrows, "seriously?"

He nodded, "seriously."

When they pulled into the drive way Bam parked the car in front of the garage.

"How about the lamborghini instead of the hummer?" Ferin smiled.

"No way," Bam said as he shut his door and pressed the lock button, in this house you could never be to sure. "Why are you still in your PJ's?"

"Because I didn't plan on getting arrested and locked up today," Ferin retoreted.

Bam smiled and tossed his coat onto the table before following the girls upstairs where everyone was seated around the huge table eating supper.

"Hey!" Ape grinned as she stood up, "where were you?"

Ferin sighed, everyone was going to get a kick out of this.