Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am

"What the hell?...BAM!"

Ferin wasn't sure if the yelling she heard was real, or if she was dreaming. She opened her eyes and realised it was indeed real. Ape was yelling.

No surprise there.

She tried to leap out of bed but a searing pain went through her wrist.

"Shit!" she rolled back over as quickly as possible and the pain subsided.

"Jesus," Bam groaned and cracked his eyes open.

Ferin stared down at the cause of both their pain. They were still wearing the damn handcuffs.

"Bam, where is the key to these things?"

He sat up, running his free hand through his hair. "I put them in my sweater." He began digging around in The 69 Eyes sweater he hadn't been able to take off due to the handcuffs. In fact, they were both still fully dressed. He frowned and stuck his hand back into the pocket he'd already checked.

"What?" she asked him, scared of the answer.

"Maybe they're in the bed."

He got out of the bed so she had to as well. Together they tore apart his bed, but with no success. They then searched the rest of the room as a team but it was a fruitless effort. They key was not in the bedroom.

"Are you kidding me Bam?" She looked him in the eyes. "You seriously don't know where it is?"

Bam laughed and held up his left hand, his free hand. "I swear."

Ferin laughed and shook her head. Now she was handcuffed to the fool for far longer than she'd like to be.

"BAM!" Ape stormed into their bedroom.

"Fuck, Ape what are you doing?" Bam yelped. "We could have been humping."

Ferin glanced at him, but Ape's facial expression never wavered, she looked pissed.

"I spent all that time making those snacks for you, and you just throw them out like that?"

Bam looked at Ferin then at Ape. "What are you talking about?"

His mom rolled her eyes in response. "You seriously didn't do it?"

"Do what?" Bam headed for the door pulling Ferin along behind him. They followed Ape into the dining room area, out the sliding glass doors and onto the deck.

"What am I looking for?" Bam asked his mom as April stopped by the deck railing.

"Look in the pool."

Bam and Ferin headed over to the edge and looked down to the pool. Ferin gasped but Bam laughed. All the food, had been dumped into the pool.

"When did that happen?" Ferin asked Bam. She didn't think she'd drank that much. But she really couldn't remember this incident.

"I don't know." Bam shrugged, "but for once it wasn't me."

"What are we looking at?" Dunn wandered out onto the deck in his boxers, running his fingers through his blond hair.

"Was that you?" Ape asked him.

Dunn gazed out over the pool and laughed. "That wasn't me."

"Ape, there was two hundred other people here last night," Bam stated the cold hard fact, "could've been any one of them."

"I'm not cleaning it up." Ape followed them back into the house.

He glanced at Ferin and she shook her head. "I'm not doing it either."

They wandered back into the house and headed down to the Pirate Bar. There, Jussi and Jyrki were eating breakfast with Phil and Vito.

"What the hell is this?" Dunn laughed. "How come we never got called down for breakfast?"

Ape grinned, her unintentional revenge seeming to ease her anger. "That'll serve you right for destroying the house."

"It wasn't just me!" Dunn sat down at the island in the kitchen beside Jussi.

"Ya can't keep a doin this bam or yas not gonna have a house left," Vito mumbled.

Bam shrugged. "Then we'll just have to buy a new house Vito."

April's eyes got wide. "We're not moving again Bam."

Phil pointed to their hands, "are those real Bam?"

Jyrki looked where Phil pointed and he laughed. "You're still stuck together?"

"Unfortunately," Ferin muttered and Bam pretended to look hurt.

"You don't wanna be stuck to me?"

She shook her head. "Sorry babe, I really don't wanna be stuck to you when you have to go to the washroom, or feel the need to participate in a relatively dangerous situation."

Bam laughed and headed to the fridge pulling Ferin along with him.

"Where is the key?" April asked as she snacked on a handful of grapes.

"He lost it," Ferin informed her.

"Lost what?" Natasha came bounding down the stairs wide awake. She definately didn't look like the drunken mess that she was the night before.

"Bam lost the key to the handcuffs," Ferin repeated and Tash laughed.

"That's classic. How are you gonna get out?" She snatched a piece of bacon off Phil's plate before taking the plate April offered her.

Ferin looked at Bam who was now standing beside her drinking a bottle of water. "Fuck if I know."

Novak, Raab and Knoxville came down the stairs for breakfast and they ended up sharing the handcuff story with them as well.

"Saw them off," Raab suggested.

Dunn took a bite of his eggs and swallowed before speaking. "Or we could use the blow torch."

Ferin's eyes widened, she seriously hoped Bam wasn't entertaining any one of these ideas.

"Or you could take a hammer and smash the shit out of them," Knoxville got his two cents in.

By now Ferin was shaking her head. "No. We're not torching it, or smashing it, or sawing them apart." She looked directly at Bam locking her gaze on his. "We're going to go to the police department and get them to take them off."

"Do you know how embarassing that is?" Bam laughed. "We'll try one of the other things, and if that doesn't work, then we'll go to the cops."

"No Bam," Ferin protested. "Even if you were able to get them apart, we'd be seperated, but they'd still be stuck around our wrists."

"What happened to you?" Dunn asked her. "You've turned into a fun hater."

"I have not," she protested but now Raab and Knoxville and Bam were all nodding.

"You're a fun hater," Bam assured her.

"Yeah what happened to the bad ass that kicked Bam's ass on the four wheelers?" Raab asked her.

"I - " she was defeated, and she knew it. "Fuck," she muttered. "Well lets go get these things off."

***

"Way to go Random Hero," Bam muttered from the back seat of his hummer.

Because of the way he and Ferin were cuffed together, they had to sit beside each other in the backseat with Jyrki. Ferin was also sporting a small burn on her hand from Dunn trying to torch the handcuffs apart. And it still didn't work.

"I didn't mean to burn you, Ferin, serious."

Ferin laughed softly. "I know you didn't Ryan." She glanced at her boyfriend with a serious look upon her face. "It's actually Bam's fault I got hurt."

Bam's mouth fell open. "How the fuck is it my fault?"

"Well if you would have just came with me to the police department in the first place, it would have never happened."

"Yeah Bam," Dunn laughed. "Start taking some responsibility for your actions."

"The shit you American's do for fun," Jussi laughed. He was riding shotgun while Dunn drove the hummer.

Dunn got them all to the police department in one piece. Ferin, Bam and Jyrki headed inside while Jussi and Dunn waited in the hummer.

"How come you're coming in?" Bam asked Jyrki as Ferin opened the door and held it open.

"I want to see them laugh at you," Jyrki replied quite plainly and Bam sighed. He lead Ferin towards the front desk and when the male officer at the desk looked up, he seemed shocked.

"Can I help you?"

"Yeah," Bam blushed and leaned against the counter. "Actually my girlfriend and I need to get out of these." He lifted their arms and they placed their joined wrists on the counter for the cop to see.

"How did you get them?"

The look on the cops face told Ferin he was probably trying to deduct if they were escapee's or not. She really hoped he knew who Bam was.

"Wild party last night," Jyrki stated.

The police officer walked into the room from the night before and when he spotted Bam and Ferin he started laughing.

"That's what I came in to hear," Jyrki stated happily.

Ferin pushed him playfully and he laughed.

"I thought I said I didn't wanna see you again, Bam."

Bam grinned and shook the guy's hand. "You won't after this."

He looked at their wrists and smiled.

"Please take them off," Ferin urged the large man in front of her. "You don't even wanna know what it's like being stuck to him."

That caused several cops to laugh out loud.

"Oh honey," a female cop to their right chuckled.

The officer inspected the cuffs, and let them go, but not before examining the burn mark on her hand. "What happened there?"

Ferin smiled and pulled her hand away. "I said you don't even wanna know."

***

When they got back to the house Ape was standing near the door with pool cleaning nets in her hand.

"What the hell is she doing now?" Bam asked himself more than anyone else.

"I think she's going to clean the pool," Dunn parked the hummer near Ape's PT Loser.

"No." Ferin began shaking her head, "it looks like we're cleaning the pool."

"Fuck that," Bam laughed and follwed Jyrki out the door.

"Here." Ape thrust one of the nets into Bam's hand, "and here," she placed something in the palm of his other hand.

She removed her hand and Ferin gasped. They were all staring at the key to the handcuffs.

"Where did you find that?" Ferin asked Ape.

That was just her luck.

"By the pool," Ape handed the rest of the nets out, leaving out Jussi and Jyrki. "Have fun kids."

Ferin glanced at Bam and smirked. "Do I have the right to be a fun hater now?"