Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am

"No fuckin way." Bam shook his head again. "I'm not doing it. I'm not wearing them."

Ferin laughed and threw her chore pants at him, a pair of her brother's old Wranglers. She didn't expect him to wear them, but it was funny to hear him freak out. "Think about the roll in the hay that I promised you." She winked at him seductively, trying to coax him into it.

"Nope." He shook his head again. "No sex, can be good enough to get me in those."

Ferin rolled her eyes. "Arlight, you have to wear the hat then." She laughed and pulled her cowboy hat from their closet. "If it'll even fit you." She handed it to him and he looked at it hesitantly before trying it on.

"Alright. But I'm not fucking wearing anything else." He wiggled the hat upon his head before looking up at her. "It's a little tight."

She couldn't help but laugh. Bam Margera in a real cowboy hat was a sight to see.

"That's it." He ripped the hat off and tossed it onto the bed. "I'm not wearing it either."

She smiled and moved towards him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Well at least you tried, I'll give you that."

He cocked an eyebrow and slipped hes arms under hers, pulling her closer to him. "You just wanted to see me in those god for saken clothes didn't you?"

"Mm-hhmm," she nodded before kissing him softly. "It suited you."

"My ass." He muttered before kissing her again then releasing her. "Alright, let's get this shit over with."

Ferin rolled her eyes and followed Bam out of their room and down the stairs to the Pirate Bar.

"Hey, where are you going?" Dunn called out from the couch in front of the fire place.

"The barn." Bam replied simply.

Dunn's mischievious grin couldn't have been more telling. "Have fun," he winked.

Ferin followed Bam out the door. They walked hand in hand past the pool, past the broken picnic tables and the hole in the ground from the fire pit all the way down to the barn.

"I can't believe you talked me into this." Bam muttered as Ferin pulled the sliding door open and stepped inside. Bam was right behind her.

"Jesus," he muttered covering hisnose and mouth with his forearm. "How do you stand this?"

"Oh come on Bam." Ferin laughed with a playful eye roll. "It doesn't stink. I keep this place clean. You should try smelling a feed lot."

He groaned. "I don't even wanna know what that is."

Ferin ignored his whining and made him hold onto one of the saddles while she slipped the bridle over JD's head and the bit into his mouth. The horse eyed Bam carefully as he stood off to the side.

"How heavy is this thing?" Bam asked as he hiked the saddle up a little more, trying to get a better grip on it.

Ferin glanced at it quickly then returned her attention to her horse, pulling the lock of hair between his ears out from underneath the leather of the bridle. "That one weighs about forty pounds."

"Are you serious?" He leaned against the stall. "I'd hate to be a horse."

"You're going to learn what it's like later," she grinned, surprising even herself as she reached up for the saddle.

Bam's eyes opened wide as he caught on. "Ooooooh," he laughed. "Let's hurry this shit up then."

Ferin worked as quickly as she could with no help from Bam. He seemed almost scared around the horses and she kinda liked that. Horses were her element, skateboarding was his. She liked the fact that they could help each other out.

"Come on, JD." Ferin patted the brown horse on the rump gently and he followed Bam out the door. Ferin was close behind them with Cowboy in tow. "Alright." She said gently once they were outside. She dropped Cowboy's reins to the ground and he stood there, patiently waiting while Ferin approached Bam.

"This is fucking ridiculous." He grumbled again as she guided his left foot up into the stirrup and gave him a leg up. He sat nervously in the saddle as he stared down at her. "I have no idea what I'm doing," he admitted, gripping the reins in both hands.

"Just try to relax, Bam." She checked the stirrup lengths, adjusting them slightly before patting Bam's leg gently. "Believe me babe. If you're tense, then he'll sense it. And then he's that much more liable to act up."

Bam rolled his eyes. "Great."

"Okay, stand up and center the saddle and your weight."

He did as he was told then sat back down as JD shifted underneath him. "Whoa." Bam said more to himself than the mass off muscle beneath him.

Ferin left him sitting there alone for a moment as she mounted Cowboy and rode up beside him. "Alright, babe. All you have to do to get him to walk is tap your heels lightly. But if you shift your weight forward, he'll pick up the speed."

"I don't want that." Bam locked eyes with her, a look of almost fear in his eyes. "How do I make him stop? Do I pull these things?" He asked seriously, lifting the reins into the air to emphasize his question.

"No, just say 'whoa' like you mean it."

"Hey, Bam!"

They both turned their heads to see Dunn, Raab, DiCo, Rake, Glomb, Phil and April approaching. A small herd of people, all hell bent on seeing Bam fail.

"Smile, sweetie." April approached him with a grin on her face and a camera in her hand. Ferin almost felt bad for him.

"Okay, no more fuckin pictures." Bam waved his arm out at them as if that would get them to move back.

They complied surprisingly but hung around to watch as Ferin got Bam going in circles first, then around the entire back yard, just letting him get a feel for the horse beneath him. After an hour or so Bam had managed to work up the courrage to allow JD to trot. Ferin watched with a smil eon her face as Bam worked the horse around the yard.

Ape beamed up at Ferin, excitement evident on her face. "I can't believe he's actually doing it."

"I know." Ferin agreed. "I really didn't think I would even be able to get him on the horse."

"I think I'm a professional now," Bam called out as he approached them, like he knew they were talking about him. "We should race?"

"Yeah I don't think so," Ferin shook her head.

"I do." Dunn encouraged him.

Ferin locked eyes with Ryan. "Forgive me for not wanting to hurt Bam, but I also don't want my horse getting hurt."

"You do the thing with the barrels right?" Rake asked as he used his hand to demonstrate what he was talking about.

Everyone looked at him, especially Ferin who was just as impressed as the rest of the group.

"How the hell do you know about that stuff?" Glomb asked him.

Rake shrugged. "I know alot of shit. I'm not afraid of learning like some of you."

"We should do it." Dunn lit up a cigarette and grinned at Ferin. "Let me and Bam do it?"

"You've rode before, Dunn?"

He nodded. "A time or two," he turned to Phil and April. "Remember that time in Mexico?"

"Oh god," Ape muttered at the memory.

"All I remember about that trip was those Dudeson's," Phil groaned. "That guy wouldn't shut up."

"Just one little race?" Raab asked excitedly. Ferin figured he just wanted to see the guys land on their asses. "I think we have barrels by the Hobbit Hole."

Bam nodded. "Yeah go get them."

She wasn't going to win this fight and she knew that. Glomb, rake and Raab took off for the Hobbit Hole to get the barrels while Ferin gave Dunn a foot up into the saddle. He smoked and rode at the same time as he and Bam toured the backyard.

"They're going to kill themselves." Ape muttered.

Ferin nodded. "Probably. But I don't care as long as they don't hurt my horses." She abandoned the group and took some time to walk around and look for any gopher holes or anything that could possibly end in tragedy for the bones that made up her horses's legs.

Half an hour later the boys were back and Ferin had set up the barrels in a clover leaf pattern on the ground she'd checked. Dunn and Bam stood by on the horses and watched.

"Yeah, I have no idea how this works." Dunn admitted, even though he was the one so keen on the idea.

"Alright. Dunn, your horse likes to run the right barrel first. So you do this," she ran the pattern for him as he watched.

"Bam, your horse likes the left lead better, so you have to go the left barrel first." Bam watched her as she demonstrated what he was supposed to do. She now stood in front of both of them. "Remember, the key is to not knock over any barrels. The other key is speed, but you guys won't be running today."

"Alright let's do this shit." Dunn handed his cigarette to Raab who was grinning from ear to ear.

"Do it, Dunn." Raab encouraged him.

Dunn maneuvered his horse to the starting position. Ferin watched as Cowboy's ears perked up. The horse glanced around nervously, he knew what he was about to do and that was exciting him.

"Don't let him take off, Dunn." Ferin called out to him in warning, "because he wants to go."

Dunn waved her off. Everyone watched as he leaned forward in the saddle and tapped his heels lightly, and like Ferin warned, Cowboy took off exactly like she hadn't wanted him to do.

Dunn let out a high pitched scream and held on tightly to the reins, bouncing in the saddle as the horse ran for the first barrel and slowed down to turn it. Dunn however, was far from balanced in the saddle and inertia caused him to keep going forward, while the horse turned. He flew right out of the saddle and hit the ground with a loud thud.

"Whoa, Cowboy." Ferin held out her hand as her horse jogged by. She let him go as everyone hurried to Dunn's side.

"Jesus," Dunn goraned as Glomb and Rake helped him up off the ground.

"That's like, the best thing I've ever seen," DiCo laughed.

"That wasn't fun," Dunn brushed the grass off his clothes.

Bam was laughing, but still sitting on her other horse waiting. "What do I get if I win this Dunn?"

"Nothing." he replied sourly.

"Because technically, all I have to do is make it around that first barrel." Bam laughed and pointed out as he maneuvered his horse into the starting position.

Ferin knew Bam wasn't going to let his horse run. And she was right. He allowed JD to trot out the pattern. She went in search of Cowboy who was wandering along the trees on the edge of the property.

"Easy boy," she cooed to him as she grabbed the reins and mounted, instantly urging him into a lope from a standstill and making her way back up towards the group.

"Let's see you do it." Ape smiled happily at Ferin.

Bam rode back to the group. "I win, Prima Dunna."

"Whatever." Dunn muttered from his sitting position on the ground. He was more shaken up than he'd ever let them know.

"I'm done." Bam glanced at his girlfriend.

Ferin nodded. "I just wanna run the pattern once, and then we'll quit." She moved Cowboy further back than Dunn had him. The group moved away and spread apart creating an alley way.

"We haven't done this in a while have we boy?" She patted her horse on the neck as he shifted nervously beneath her. She positioned her hands on the reins and placed them about half way up his neck and tapped her heels lightly as she shifted her weight forward. Cowboy took off in a dead run. Together they ran the pattern in literally eleven seconds before returning to the group.

"That looks like fun." Ape grinned, reaching out to pat Cowboy on the chest as Ferin made him stand quietly beside her.

"You ready to be done Bam?"

Bam nodded. Together they rode to the barn while everyone else headed back up to the house. Ape and Phil were going to work on dinner while the guys did whatever it is they did all day.

Ferin untacked the horses and Bam helped her brush them out before heading back up to the house.

"I stink." Bam muttered randomly as they walked into the kitchen.

"Hey, Bam." Ape pointed to the cell phone on the counter. "Ville called."

Ferin left Bam to phone Ville back as she headed upstairs. He was right, they both smelled like leather and horse sweat. A shower was definitely in order, so she grabbed some clean clothes and glancd at the bed with a grin, remembering her promise to Bam.

She bounded down the stairs to the laundry room, grabbing two clean fluffy towels from Ape's laundry pile. Bam eyed her skeptically as she walked by him again on her way back up the stairs.

She entered their room and headed to their bathroom. She shut the door, turned the shower on nice and hot making the bathroom steamy. She could hear Bam enter the room, and watched as he twisted the doorhandle to enter the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" He asked as the steam enveloped him, creating a warmth between them.

Ferin reached around him and closed and locked the door. "Making good on my promise." She grinned. "Unless you actually want to go back to the barn and roll in the hay?"

He shook his head ferverently then wrapped his arms around her. "No, I like this idea better," he grinned and pressed his lips against hers.