Can't Find My Way Home
Chapitre seize
Snapping out of my momentary lapse of subduity, I reached down for my bag. "I have to go.." I announced, unpurposely avoiding eye contact with anyone, "..sorry." I left before I had to listen to any of them protest or ask why. Shoving open the door, I stalked down the street thinking of all the things I wouldshoutyell scream at him the moment I layed my eyes on the bastard. The guy who was unfourtunately trapped in the elevator as it ascended the building, must have thought I was crazy, either that or a drug addict, as I tapped my fingers impatiently on the mirrored wall. My room just had to be at the furthest end of the hall away from the elevator, giving my anger more time to boil as I made my way to the door. Slotting my key card into the door, I marched in to find him sitting with his back to me on a couch. "Get the fuck out of my hotel room! Get the fuck out of my life! Who the hell to you think you are following me to Fra-"
"I'm sorry.." he said after he stood up and slowly turned around, it was quite evident that he had been crying. "Dill, please.." he said almost in a begging tone, "..please, I'm so sorry. I don't want this to end, I don't want 'us' to end."
"Well it's a bit late for that now isn't i-"
"I love you." he said loudly, over the top of me. I stopped and stared at him, "Dylan Suuskind, I love you more then anything in this world. And I am so sorry it has taken me this long to realise that a box of secrets can't be the reason I fuck over our marriage.."
"No, you fucking other women fucked over our marriage Tom." I said sternly, throwing my bag onto my bed.
"I'm.. I'm sorry. That's all I can say, and all I can ask is that you give me one chance to make up for it, please.. I'm begging you, because this is the last shot at anything I'll ever have." a solitary tear rolled down his cheek, which he promptly wiped away with the sleeve of his leather jacket.
"What do you mean 'the last shot at anything' you'll ever have?" I said, the harsh tone in my voice slowly dying. He took a few steps closer to me and stopped when he sensed that I had become uncomfortable with him being near me at that moment in time. He looked at his feet, and chewed on his lip; I knew what was coming, I had dreaded it for years.
"It came back.." he said, looking up, "It came back, and it's spread. It's inoperable Dill.. They gave me two months tops, it's an aggressive fucker." he laughed nervously. I don't know if it were possible, but my heart shattered into pieces, and my stomach turned to air. He had gotten over it the first time; a year after we had gotten married. He'd had it as a child aswell, but again, it had been removed. I knew he wasn't lying, and I knew it wasn't a ploy to get me back; he was insesitive, but he wasn't a liar - not over something like this.
"I.. Wh.. How.." I stuttered in good fashion, "Who are they for?" I asked, swallowing the lump that had formed uncomfortably in my throat, as I pointed at the beautifully large bouquet of white roses. He smiled the same smile that made me fall for him in the first place.
"They're for you idiot. Here..." he held them out for me, I took a second, then walked towards him and took them in my hand. "I would have gotten you red ones but the-"
"They're lovely, thank you." I tried to smile, this was all too much to take in.
"You know we can talk abou-"
"No." I responded without hesitation, "No, we don't need to." I said biting my lip as tears sprung from my eyes. He was dying and I couldn't do anything about it, and we had wasted this long apart over my fucking past.
"Shh.." he said pulling me into his warm chest and stroking my hair, "Shh, it ok. It will all be alright, I just need you okay.. I don't want anyone else, just you..." he whispered softly.
"I'm sorry." I choked out.
"No, no. I love you, I'm sorry.. Let's just forget it ever happened, and just be.."
"Tom.."
"Yeah?"
"I love you too."
"I'm sorry.." he said after he stood up and slowly turned around, it was quite evident that he had been crying. "Dill, please.." he said almost in a begging tone, "..please, I'm so sorry. I don't want this to end, I don't want 'us' to end."
"Well it's a bit late for that now isn't i-"
"I love you." he said loudly, over the top of me. I stopped and stared at him, "Dylan Suuskind, I love you more then anything in this world. And I am so sorry it has taken me this long to realise that a box of secrets can't be the reason I fuck over our marriage.."
"No, you fucking other women fucked over our marriage Tom." I said sternly, throwing my bag onto my bed.
"I'm.. I'm sorry. That's all I can say, and all I can ask is that you give me one chance to make up for it, please.. I'm begging you, because this is the last shot at anything I'll ever have." a solitary tear rolled down his cheek, which he promptly wiped away with the sleeve of his leather jacket.
"What do you mean 'the last shot at anything' you'll ever have?" I said, the harsh tone in my voice slowly dying. He took a few steps closer to me and stopped when he sensed that I had become uncomfortable with him being near me at that moment in time. He looked at his feet, and chewed on his lip; I knew what was coming, I had dreaded it for years.
"It came back.." he said, looking up, "It came back, and it's spread. It's inoperable Dill.. They gave me two months tops, it's an aggressive fucker." he laughed nervously. I don't know if it were possible, but my heart shattered into pieces, and my stomach turned to air. He had gotten over it the first time; a year after we had gotten married. He'd had it as a child aswell, but again, it had been removed. I knew he wasn't lying, and I knew it wasn't a ploy to get me back; he was insesitive, but he wasn't a liar - not over something like this.
"I.. Wh.. How.." I stuttered in good fashion, "Who are they for?" I asked, swallowing the lump that had formed uncomfortably in my throat, as I pointed at the beautifully large bouquet of white roses. He smiled the same smile that made me fall for him in the first place.
"They're for you idiot. Here..." he held them out for me, I took a second, then walked towards him and took them in my hand. "I would have gotten you red ones but the-"
"They're lovely, thank you." I tried to smile, this was all too much to take in.
"You know we can talk abou-"
"No." I responded without hesitation, "No, we don't need to." I said biting my lip as tears sprung from my eyes. He was dying and I couldn't do anything about it, and we had wasted this long apart over my fucking past.
"Shh.." he said pulling me into his warm chest and stroking my hair, "Shh, it ok. It will all be alright, I just need you okay.. I don't want anyone else, just you..." he whispered softly.
"I'm sorry." I choked out.
"No, no. I love you, I'm sorry.. Let's just forget it ever happened, and just be.."
"Tom.."
"Yeah?"
"I love you too."