Shattered Blue

Jerk, I thought. I know I scared him a bit but to act like that…Angrily I pushed back a lock of wet hair behind an ear and snatched up my towel. Maybe I was just being petty, I thought as I looked down sullenly at my muddy feet. I wriggled my toes and sighed.

How had a cuddly chubby little boy like him turned into such a grumpy teenager? Was he just visiting his aunt and uncle here, I highly doubted it, or was he here for more serious reasons? I threw my shirt back on as I slung my towel around my neck and began my way home; I had no desire left to swim now.

The house was eerily quiet as I kicked off my shoes and walked to the kitchen. On the way there I passed the living room and stopped. For a few seconds I stared and then stepped forwards.

My mother looked up as she conspicuously wiped away the tear tracks on her face. She had never been one for hiding anything from me.

“I was waiting for you,” she stated in a heart breaking voice.

“I'm sorry,” I murmured moving to sit down next to her on the big sprawling couch.

“I just found out,” she said, her voice cracking “what Gail’s been trying to hide from me.
Tomas blurted it out when I was over there for tea today.”

I handed her a few more tissues from the box on the side table.

She silently accepted them. “I thought it strange why their nephew was visiting…Richard…died a few weeks ago.”

I was expecting horrible news but the name she had just mentioned didn’t even ring a bell. “Who?”

“Richard, the father of the boy who you used to play with…Anthony’s father. He was mugged in the city on the way to his car and was stabbed when he tried to fight back. The reason Anthony’s here is because he’s come to permanently live with his aunt Gail and her husband.”

I winced, thinking about how my bright bubbly attitude must've annoyed Ant when he was in so much emotional pain.

“They’re happy that he chose to live with them instead of going to his family further north; that house has been really empty since…” my mother’s gaze dropped to my whitened knuckles and she stopped herself just in time. “Well, he seems to be driving them crazy, he’s ill-behaved and Gail looks worn.” My mother cracked a smile. “Well, Tomas just looks his usual cryptic self…”

Why were you crying? I long to ask but she’ll tell me in the end, I know it. “Were you and Richard good friends?” I asked as I idly picked up the TV guide magazine on the table and page through it. I’m not really thinking about what I’m seeing or what I’m saying so when my mother speaks I’m a bit surprised to find the answer to a question I thought was very mundane.

“No…I was crying because we might have to move,” she tells me, tears threatening to spill.
My head jerks up as the magazine slips from my fingers. “I’ve just heard from Gail that Anthony plans on going to study next year but his father didn’t leave him enough money for that…So he’s planning to sell either their old house in the city or…this house. We’ve been renting it from Richard all these years and when he moved to the city he sold this own house instead of this one as a favour to us. There’s a very good chance we might lose this house; Anthony wants to go back to the city and live there so he most probably won’t sell his father’s house that’s still there.”

I nodded numbly. “He’ll sell this place. Does he…does dad know?” I ask.

“He won’t answer his phone Joe!” my mother wails, finally breaking down. “I…don’t know what to do! He’s supposed to be on break from work now, so why isn’t he here when we need him?!”

I stand up and rush from the room and up the stairs. I pause on the landing to find four pairs of eyes focused on me and through my sister’s open doorway I glimpse the scattered remains of a board game. So this is where they’ve been all this time.

“What’s going on Joe?” Karin asks me, looking so much like my father that I want to yell at her. She has my father’s dark looks, probably the only reason (and the pettiest) why I’ve never been really close to her. Alex, the third eldest and everyone’s favourite, is biting her lip and I can see she has been crying. Ben and Deon looked bewildered and I long to sweep them up and tell them everything’s going to be fine.

But I’m angry and that makes me want to hurt someone, anyone.

“We might lose the house, dad’s ignoring mum’s calls and I think …” I don’t know what to think. I can see that Deon and Alex are on the point of bursting out in tears.

I give them a wobbly smile and say with mock bravado, “But I think things are going to work out. You can count on Joe, I’ll see to it.”

Karin rolls her eyes and drags me into her room. She shuts the door on the scene of Deon trying to clumsily comfort his older sister and his small brother. The sight is strangely comforting to see as well. “Tell me everything,” Karin says.

I do, and sensible, down to earth Karin who never seems to be brought down by anything, looks distraught. I wrap my arms around her shuddering shoulders and bury my face into her voluminous black hair.

Later that day I slip outside. Only a few minutes’ walk from the honey suckle gate I stop, placing both feet neatly next to one another as I stare up at the green canopy above me. I rearranged my thoughts, like tidying up a messy drawer of odd socks and dry pens. Beneath that jumble I found an old watch that was still ticking even though it had been buried for years.

My breath is stuck in my throat as crystal clear drops slide down my cheeks.

He should be here. I'll never forgive him.

After a few struggling moments of trying to push the anger back down my throat I made my way thoughtfully into the house, breathing in the smell of old wood. I go up to my sister's room and she lets me in after the first knock.

“I’d never thought I’d say this,” I mutter. “But I need your help."

I swamp her in a hug. “What do you mean?” my sister asks slowly, suspicious as ever.

I laugh as I peek out from her hair and watch the play of sunlight on my sister’s crystal figurines. They sit calmly on her windowsill as their bodies cast shards of light across her room.

“We’ll be fine,” I say with utter assurance. I know this now, my plan is perfect.