Smirt

“I can’t believe you guys live like this.”

“Oh, hush, babydoll, it’s not that dirty in here and we’re doing fine.”

Ellie turned her head, which was positioned on my lap, to face me. She stuck her tongue out and smiled. “Just watch the movie, Christafuuuur. D’ya always have to talk during them?”

I rolled my eyes, absentmindedly touching her hair, pulling at it in lightly when I found a knot or two. I heard her fall asleep after a few minutes because her breathing became slower. Her heartbeat was different when she slept just like any other person. I had stopped paying attention to the movie ages ago, now I just sat there on the couch consumed by my thoughts. I wondered why Ellie had been set on seeing my place. When I had asked her, she just told me some excuse about missing our housewarming party. There hadn’t been a housewarming party. We just moved in, and that was it.

“I’m gonna take a nap,” I said to no one in particular. But how am I going to get Ellie to my room? I texted Caleb to help me; he obliged, saying that he’d kick my ass if Ellie woke up. We both knew she was a sound sleeper though so I wasn’t worried.

As I wrapped the blanket around us, I fist bumped Caleb then rolled onto my side. Ellie slept on her back, her expression serene and calm. I glanced at my phone, checking my inbox for a reply long overdue. But I was only face-to-face with the reply to Dahlia. I tried to relax but it was difficult; I also failed in convincing myself that she wasn’t avoiding me. There was a tiny sliver of hope that said she was just busy but I didn’t even try to believe it. Dahlia Rose Bennett was mad at me and I needed to fix it, fast.

But I was really tired and sleep was hard to get by these days.

The reply I sent taunted me, constantly flashing into my mind as I closed my eyes.

Thanks, Doll.
That means a lot to me, no fucking joke.
And not to be a snoop but how do you know Ellie?
She just said you guys knew each other. . .

I had sent the text message and later on checked if it had sent. The status of the message told me that it had been sent. God, I need to sleep. This stupid fucking text message is driving me crazy. Damnit. What is wrong with me? Even though it felt strange, my lanky, tattooed arms enveloped Ellie, her heartbeat in sync with mine. I imagined she was Dahlia for a second before I felt remorse and shoved those thoughts out of my mind. I stared at the ceiling in vain, offering up a prayer to the big man upstairs. He could help me with this dilemma, right?

This was going to be a long, sleepless night.

“Chris?” squeaked Ellie, her lips parting slightly. I nearly jolted upright but maintained my composure, smoothing down her hair. She was sleep-talking; another habit of hers that she denied at every opportunity. I usually just allowed her to sleep-talk and tonight was no different. I started humming a song that was stuck in my head, willing her mentally to get it over with. She obliged.

“I love you. I really do. Not past tense. I tried to tell you that today but things were messed up. . .” She sighed. “Please don’t hate me. I know it’s probably too late and I saw the Look. You look at her the same way you used to look at me.”

I kissed the top of her head and sighed. “I love you too, Ells. Don’t ever doubt that.”

Maybe I would fall asleep after all.