Smirt

I loved the beach. It was like a second home to me; I enjoyed the soft sand in between my toes, the warmth of the sun’s rays on my exposed skin. Today was the perfect day to go to the beach. There were no clouds covering the sun and the weather forecast was fairly accurate. The forecast itself was, of course, sunny with scattered showers. Then I saw the carnival and it was more of a vacation. I hadn’t been to the carnival in about six years, give or take a few years. So, you can only imagine how excited everyone else was as we strolled past the entrance of the carnival. Even Ellie had a wide grin on her face but I dismissed this thought when I saw her hand holding Chris’s.

Gavin seemed to notice this too because he gave my hand a small squeeze. “Are you mad? Should we just go to the beach and meet them there later?” he whispered, concern evident in his eyes. He’d noticed Ellie and Chris’s ‘couple moment’ too. I opted not to acknowledge my slight irritation and shrugged.

“Why? I’m fine, Gavin, really.” I’m such a horrible liar; of all people, Gavin can tell when I’m not telling the truth.

“Ok. If you’re sure of that. . .” Gavin trailed off, unconvinced. I didn’t say anything to fill in the void. What was there left to say?

Nobody wants to be the cause of canceled plans. Especially when the plans in question involved the carnival. Instead of looking at Chris and Ellie, I focused on my surroundings. There was a clown making balloon art for a group of kids, the carousel, roller coasters, and the smell of buttered popcorn in the air. You think that I would be on top of the world right? I was trying to block the stream of thoughts that would ruin my good mood and failing. I couldn’t process the way Chris had gazed at Ellie. It was too affectionate, too personal.

I was so fucking hurt.

An hour or two later, Gavin and Ellie decided to go on the biggest roller coaster at the carnival. I was already beginning to feel sick at the thought of the sharp drops and turns. My face paled and my knees felt weak as I struggled to make up an excuse. But no words rolled off my tongue; they were stuck at the back of my throat, never to be said aloud. “I—uh,well, if you guys want to go, I’m cool.” My hands were starting to sweat, as well as beads of perspiration on my forehead. I hastily wiped them away and managed a lopsided grin. Ellie’s eyebrows rose questioningly.

“Can Doli just wait with me?” Chris said, biting on his lower lip softly. “I don’t really wanna go, to be honest with you guys.” He turned to me with a nod. “We’ll go and play some games while we wait.”

“Fine, suit yourself,” Ellie replied, one arm linking with Gavin’s genially. “Let’s go, Gavin. The line doesn’t look that bad. We’ll be on that roller coaster in about ten minutes, maybe fifteen.”

As soon as they were gone, I hugged Chris and whispered in his ear, “thank you” over and over. He laughed, assuring me that it wasn’t that much of a big deal. “Let’s go knock over some milk bottles, Doll,” he said, gesturing towards a game booth, enthused.

Twenty-five tries (and more than twenty dollars) later, Chris had successfully knocked over the pyramid of fifteen milk bottles. I think the guy who worked at the booth felt sorry for Chris, who had gotten red in the face because of the game. Because instead of a small stuffed dinosaur, the guy gave Chris a big stuffed bear. It was white with a red bow, and Chris had to hold it with both hands. It was that huge.

He presented it to me with a childlike smile. “For the most amazing girl in the world.”

I didn’t even try to stop myself from blushing. “Thank you, Chris.”

I looked down at the bear as Chris took a step forward, my face then turning upwards to meet his eyes. He reached for my face, fingers lightly touching my cheek. It was as if everything was moving in slow motion. I had to be imagining this. This wasn’t really happening.

Our lips connected and I swear there were fireworks. I was unaware of everything and anyone else and instead had my attention only on Chris. When we pulled apart I immediately felt the need to claim his lips again but I restrained myself. I stared into those beautiful eyes of his and said the first thing that came to mind.

“I’ve been waiting for that to happen for so damn long, Chris. And that’s the lousy truth.”