Smirt

If I don’t talk about it, it’s like it never happened. That’s what I told Dr. Feldman an hour ago during my session. She had scribbled something onto her legal pad, asking me a multitude of questions. I had answered them all truthfully but I didn’t feel different after I did so. I’m beginning to have less trouble with showing how I feel. I told Carter and the guys this, which made them relieved. After all, I couldn’t go on a tour during the summer with my issues intact. I was convinced that my inner demons would be kept at bay.

In short, Dr. Feldman gave me a hug, breaking her formal psychiatrist-patient rule, encouraging me to call if her help was needed. I didn’t object to it and went on my merry way. The rest of the day was a blur—and it wasn’t just because of the joint I had—as if everything in my life was stuck on the fast-forward setting. The night slowed down considerably as I received good news: there was a slot available at the club. The club in question was where I had been trying to play, no, share my music. It was a local club in another town and it was almost a guarantee that I’d gain recognition. Word travels fast in other counties. They’re even faster than Joplin.

“Chris, stop it,” murmured Dahlia, her head lifting from my shoulder. Without even realizing it, I’d been drumming my fingers on my jean-clad leg. Ellie was leaning on the window on the other side of me. You think I’d be thrilled to be in between two of my friends on the way to a show. Especially when these friends were as supportive and caring as Dahlia and Ellie.

Ellie’s hand rubbed circles on my back for a moment. “Don’t stress yourself out over this, Chris. I’m here. Dahlia’s here. Carter’s driving and can’t look back right now but he’s here. Along with everyone else who wants nothing but success and happiness for you.”

“She’s right, Chris,” Dahlia said, taking my hands in hers, laying her head back onto my lap again. “I’m going to sleep for a bit. Wake me up when we get there. . .” Her voice trailed off as she yawned. She was tired from working a double shift and had been in a hurry to get ready for the show. Tonight, she wore a pullover hoodie, baggy cargo pants, and Converse that had seen better days. Ellie was the polar opposite: she had chosen a bright red dress and had taken about twenty minutes longer in the shower to get ready.

The rest of the car ride was spent trying not to drum my fingers on my knee, as well as not waking up Doli. Ellie had resorted to singing along with the radio. When Carter parked the car in the lot outside the venue, the nervous feeling that had consumed me was gone. I was ready to accomplish the goal I’d put on my list so long ago. I wasn’t going to regret a damn thing either.

I was ready.

As the year progressed, Ellie decided to stay, Dahlia visited less, and many doors opened for me. The opportunity I had been looking forward to finally arrived. It was a chance to travel the world and have an impact on other people through my music. In fact, I was just happy to get out of my comfort zone, out of Joplin. I was also excited to have a record, a CD, as proof that I had made my mark in history. That was enough for me right now.

“You’re kidding. This has to be a joke. An early birthday present? No?” I grinned. There was no way that this was true. No. Fucking. Way. If the pause that followed was any indication, I didn’t catch onto it at all.

“I’m not making this up. This is not a joke. Christofer Ingle, you have a shot at being famous. Are you ready for this?” Who’d have ever guessed that a small town boy like me would’ve been closer to fulfilling his big city dreams?

I didn’t even fully comprehend what was being said before I said yes, I’m ready repeatedly. Afterwards, I was torn between calling Ellie and Dahlia. Both of them were unusually busy during the day; I didn’t want to be an interruption. I called Dahlia first, left a message, then speed-dialed Ellie. She answered on the second ring.

“What’s going on, Chris?” she asked, already bracing herself for the bomb I was about to drop on her.

“Ellie, I know this is short notice but could you answer me honestly?”

“Of course,” she replied slowly, caution apparent in her voice.

“Will you go on tour with me?”