It's Not So Dark When We're Together
Twenty-Two
Alex’s POV
The journey to the hospital in the ambulance was unbearable. I was coughing all the way there even with been given pure oxygen, through which i hated using the mask. Amy was lay motionless on the stretcher a heart monitor steadily beeping away in the background as my mind focused back on the book i held in my hands.
I looked down at the blue notebook. The corners of it had curled up from the heat on the bus. I had never seen this notebook in Amy’s possession before, maybe it was something secret she kept away from me for a specific reason. I felt my eyes start to sting as tears tried to free themselves from my eyes.
Closing my eyes helped close off all the sounds from around me and instead i could focus in on my thoughts only. I could picture the notebook in my mind and Amy hiding it away from me until the time was right. I thought back on when i had met her, that day had changed my whole life. I thought it had changed hers to but maybe somewhere along the way something had changed her thoughts, maybe she thought this was the easiest way to let me down.
My mind went through different options, what if it wasn’t anything bad at all what if it was her personal diary. Maybe that was why i had never seen it before. This thought made me more determined not to open the diary and that it was hers and so i had no right to, i respected her privacy.
Before long i was drawn out my thoughts to the light of the day hitting my face as Amy was taken into the hospital, me slowly wondering behind. I was directed to some cubicle thing where i was checked for injury and given the all clear, before joining the others in the waiting room.
It didn’t take long to get called through, able to see Amy. It was awkward heading into the room seeing her there tucked under crisp white sheets. I sat beside her bed taking her hand in mine, her skin cold. I took in how fragile she looked lay there whilst i heard Dan sob slightly again. I knew this was hard on him to, he cared for Amy a lot and i was slowly starting to understand that, very slowly.
I lay the book on her bedside cabinet, it would be there for when she woke up then, maybe she would explain what was in it then. Until then i wasn’t going to find out anything. I couldn’t sit there long mind, i felt really awkward with her not talking or telling me to do something, it was to eerie, you could say. I soon excused myself from the room with the need of a cup of coffee, which i was hoping would help sooth my still burning throat.
**************************************************
Ed’s POV
Alex left the room to go get a cup of coffee. He sounded like he needed liquid though his voice was really hoarse and sounded awful, although he had probably inhaled a lot of smoke. The poor guy was battered an ash covered from been thrown out of the bus with force, i wasn’t surprised if he was in some pain to.
I took the seat he had been in looking at the book he had placed on the table beside the bed. I then looked down at Amy’s body she looked so different lay there, i was used to hearing her from somewhere either laughing and joking or telling Alex off for something. Usually the latter in most cases.
Dan was stood the other side of her holding her hand, tears occasionally dropping into the bed sheet from his cheeks. Elena was stood beside him trying to calm him down and reassure him but it seemed hard to manage at the moment.
Teddy had headed outside with a phone call. When he returned he informed us that the show must still go on tonight despite whatever had happened and that afterwards we would come back to see Amy. I thought this a wise thing but knew this show wouldn’t be one of the best of the tour since Alex would be distracted so much, Dan too it seemed.
I looked down at my watch to see it was only 11 am, we had a while yet and the doctors were saying that Amy should be awake before this evening. I was hoping this was the case, that would help a lot with the rest of the night. I sat watching Amy for a while before Ali edged closer to me. He picked the notebook up of the side and i just watched. I had known Alex wouldn’t look in it but i knew that he had to have things confirmed for him to ease up a little bit. His mind was just running to worse case scenario, i bet the book was positive.
Ali sat down cross legged on the floor beside me opening the first page of the notebook, Alex still gone, not doubt unable to find a coffee machine. The first page was a load of doodles and stuff and as Ali turned through the book there were a couple of written liens surrounded by other doodles. It was as he got to the middle that things got interesting. More words started to appear, words that seemed to be lyrics. Most were about love and been happy or waiting for that special someone and were dated pretty old to, they were good though.
As Ali flicked further through teddy lent over the back of Ali also intrigued to see. It was the last entry that really shocked us. There was no date on it and the drawings around it were dark, like that of skulls, poison bottles, many things drawn to death. I started to read through the lyrics shocked at how they read to me. They were so...dark. Death was the main key, it was as if the song was written by someone who wanted to leave life behind.
As i finished reading i let a slight gasp out as Ali dropped the book open onto the floor, his face showing that of horror as he looked up at Amy. I noticed Elena had left the room to now, probably finding Alex no doubt.
‘She... Wanted to... It seems.’
I couldn’t form my own sentence as Alex’s worst thoughts were confirmed in the book. He had to read them, he had to understand he couldn’t beat himself up. Maybe it would ease the pain, or maybe make him worse. Not even i knew how he would react but i knew that he had to read it. I picked the book up as Teddy rubbed his temple in thought his face showing that of confusion as to why, wanting to understand.
I placed the book open to the page on the side, Dan walking around to see it, reading it then walking out of the room tears flowing heavily down his cheeks. As Alex returned he looked confused obviously having seen Dan. I moved out the chair and Ali backed away from the book, where he had been re-reading the words on the page, as if trying to decrypt another meaning out of them than that of death or suicide.
Alex came around to look at what Ali had been reading, he looked down at the page but said nothing about the book been opened and read because it wasn’t him that had. As he read the lyrics i could feel tension radiating from his body, upset as well.
When he turned to face me his eyes were glazed with tears, his face showing confusion and upset. I stepped closer to him, pulling him into a hug as i felt tears descend onto the shoulder of my shirt.
‘It....can’t......she... Wouldn’t.................must ask...until then not confirmed.’
From the broken sentence i had made out through deep sighs of breath i understood what Alex was unabout. I nodded as he pulled his head up, pulling strands of hair from his face. We would of have to wait until she was awake though.
The journey to the hospital in the ambulance was unbearable. I was coughing all the way there even with been given pure oxygen, through which i hated using the mask. Amy was lay motionless on the stretcher a heart monitor steadily beeping away in the background as my mind focused back on the book i held in my hands.
I looked down at the blue notebook. The corners of it had curled up from the heat on the bus. I had never seen this notebook in Amy’s possession before, maybe it was something secret she kept away from me for a specific reason. I felt my eyes start to sting as tears tried to free themselves from my eyes.
Closing my eyes helped close off all the sounds from around me and instead i could focus in on my thoughts only. I could picture the notebook in my mind and Amy hiding it away from me until the time was right. I thought back on when i had met her, that day had changed my whole life. I thought it had changed hers to but maybe somewhere along the way something had changed her thoughts, maybe she thought this was the easiest way to let me down.
My mind went through different options, what if it wasn’t anything bad at all what if it was her personal diary. Maybe that was why i had never seen it before. This thought made me more determined not to open the diary and that it was hers and so i had no right to, i respected her privacy.
Before long i was drawn out my thoughts to the light of the day hitting my face as Amy was taken into the hospital, me slowly wondering behind. I was directed to some cubicle thing where i was checked for injury and given the all clear, before joining the others in the waiting room.
It didn’t take long to get called through, able to see Amy. It was awkward heading into the room seeing her there tucked under crisp white sheets. I sat beside her bed taking her hand in mine, her skin cold. I took in how fragile she looked lay there whilst i heard Dan sob slightly again. I knew this was hard on him to, he cared for Amy a lot and i was slowly starting to understand that, very slowly.
I lay the book on her bedside cabinet, it would be there for when she woke up then, maybe she would explain what was in it then. Until then i wasn’t going to find out anything. I couldn’t sit there long mind, i felt really awkward with her not talking or telling me to do something, it was to eerie, you could say. I soon excused myself from the room with the need of a cup of coffee, which i was hoping would help sooth my still burning throat.
**************************************************
Ed’s POV
Alex left the room to go get a cup of coffee. He sounded like he needed liquid though his voice was really hoarse and sounded awful, although he had probably inhaled a lot of smoke. The poor guy was battered an ash covered from been thrown out of the bus with force, i wasn’t surprised if he was in some pain to.
I took the seat he had been in looking at the book he had placed on the table beside the bed. I then looked down at Amy’s body she looked so different lay there, i was used to hearing her from somewhere either laughing and joking or telling Alex off for something. Usually the latter in most cases.
Dan was stood the other side of her holding her hand, tears occasionally dropping into the bed sheet from his cheeks. Elena was stood beside him trying to calm him down and reassure him but it seemed hard to manage at the moment.
Teddy had headed outside with a phone call. When he returned he informed us that the show must still go on tonight despite whatever had happened and that afterwards we would come back to see Amy. I thought this a wise thing but knew this show wouldn’t be one of the best of the tour since Alex would be distracted so much, Dan too it seemed.
I looked down at my watch to see it was only 11 am, we had a while yet and the doctors were saying that Amy should be awake before this evening. I was hoping this was the case, that would help a lot with the rest of the night. I sat watching Amy for a while before Ali edged closer to me. He picked the notebook up of the side and i just watched. I had known Alex wouldn’t look in it but i knew that he had to have things confirmed for him to ease up a little bit. His mind was just running to worse case scenario, i bet the book was positive.
Ali sat down cross legged on the floor beside me opening the first page of the notebook, Alex still gone, not doubt unable to find a coffee machine. The first page was a load of doodles and stuff and as Ali turned through the book there were a couple of written liens surrounded by other doodles. It was as he got to the middle that things got interesting. More words started to appear, words that seemed to be lyrics. Most were about love and been happy or waiting for that special someone and were dated pretty old to, they were good though.
As Ali flicked further through teddy lent over the back of Ali also intrigued to see. It was the last entry that really shocked us. There was no date on it and the drawings around it were dark, like that of skulls, poison bottles, many things drawn to death. I started to read through the lyrics shocked at how they read to me. They were so...dark. Death was the main key, it was as if the song was written by someone who wanted to leave life behind.
As i finished reading i let a slight gasp out as Ali dropped the book open onto the floor, his face showing that of horror as he looked up at Amy. I noticed Elena had left the room to now, probably finding Alex no doubt.
‘She... Wanted to... It seems.’
I couldn’t form my own sentence as Alex’s worst thoughts were confirmed in the book. He had to read them, he had to understand he couldn’t beat himself up. Maybe it would ease the pain, or maybe make him worse. Not even i knew how he would react but i knew that he had to read it. I picked the book up as Teddy rubbed his temple in thought his face showing that of confusion as to why, wanting to understand.
I placed the book open to the page on the side, Dan walking around to see it, reading it then walking out of the room tears flowing heavily down his cheeks. As Alex returned he looked confused obviously having seen Dan. I moved out the chair and Ali backed away from the book, where he had been re-reading the words on the page, as if trying to decrypt another meaning out of them than that of death or suicide.
Alex came around to look at what Ali had been reading, he looked down at the page but said nothing about the book been opened and read because it wasn’t him that had. As he read the lyrics i could feel tension radiating from his body, upset as well.
When he turned to face me his eyes were glazed with tears, his face showing confusion and upset. I stepped closer to him, pulling him into a hug as i felt tears descend onto the shoulder of my shirt.
‘It....can’t......she... Wouldn’t.................must ask...until then not confirmed.’
From the broken sentence i had made out through deep sighs of breath i understood what Alex was unabout. I nodded as he pulled his head up, pulling strands of hair from his face. We would of have to wait until she was awake though.