It's Not So Dark When We're Together
Seventy-Six
Alex’s POV
I spent the whole night with having not got more than an hour’s worth of sleep. Most of it was spent with a tearful Amy in my arms as i tried to calm her down. I knew it was hard on her losing someone she had grown up with and faced every high and low in her life so far with. It was difficult for me and the other guys having known her for a few years and seen the change she had made to my best friend. The way he changed for the better and how happy and settled and cared for he was.
Another few hours of the night were spent on the phone. Ed couldn’t sleep he was aching, and tearful and i just didn’t know what to do. I tried my best to soothe him with just my words but i knew it wasn’t going to be good enough. As we spoke he asked me the one question that i could never answer. How do i tell angel her mum’s gone? I couldn’t answer my only response was think of what you were told if someone passed in your family or a pet passed away. I knew he would handle it however hard it was, by the end of the conversation i could sense he was been tough for her.
As i put the phone back on the side i looked down to see that amy had dropped off against my chest. I didn’t want to disturb her and so instead shuffled down the bed a little and lay back keeping her where she was lay. I watched her as she shuffled closer in to me before i pulled the duvet over the pair of us. Before settling i looked at the clock, 6 am and so far i hadn’t slept at all, i knew Caleb was returning to us at ten am and had to be so tried the best i could to sleep for a few hours, hoping i would get some time to sleep throughout Caleb’s nap time.
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Ed’s POV
After managing to get some sleep after tossing and turning most the night and ending up seeing if alex was awake to talk to i was awake the sun just rising. It was 5:30 am and i was up cup of tea in hand. Elena’s mum had stayed the night in the spare room, i heard her crying late into the night and left her to her own grieving before i heard her fall asleep, she was still asleep now no doubt tired from the day before.
I sat down on the sofa watching the sun rise through the window finishing my cup of tea. After i placed the mug down i felt my eyes close again and must of fallen into quite a deep sleep. I had awoke and looked at the clock to see it was 10 am, a blanket had been placed over me and i guessed it was Elena’s mum that had done that.
I got up and headed into the kitchen to see Elena’s mum sat eating some breakfast. I made myself a round of toast, just about managing to eat it. I knew that my parents were bringing angel round in half an hour.
“Would like me to stay here whilst you tell angel, i will be discreet upstairs and then if you need me depending her reaction i can help?”
“You would do that? You wouldn’t mind?”
“Of course not, your my son in law and her my granddaughter, i will always support you when it’s needed. Ed i understand how hard this is going to be, i had to Elena her father had left us that she would never know her father. That was hard enough for me and that wasn’t death.”
All i could do was nod. I knew i would appreciate it, she seemed to know how to handle a child’s reaction better than me. We sat in the kitchen for a while Elena’s mum reassuring me that it would be ok, that i knew exactly what to say deep down and that the right words would fall out my mouth when Angel sat i front of me asking why her mum wasn’t home when she was meant to be.
It was then that the door went. I nervously headed over opening and hugging my parents. They shared their condolences before my father handed Angel into my arms. Angel wrapped her arms around my neck as i heard the distant creak of the guest room floorboards. Angel soon fidgeted out of my arms and i placed her onto the floor. She toddled off for the couch as my parents stood in the hall.
“I’m so sorry son, i wish we could hep more. If you ever need us to have angel to give some time to reflect or think then we will be more than willing.”
“Thanks, Elena’s mum is upstairs if your quick and quiet head upstairs to see her, she’s hanging around whilst i explain to angel just incase i need the help. Feel free to stay or go.”
My mother hugged me as i felt one tear slide down my cheek. I wiped it away quickly not allowing any more to fall. I felt my dad place a firm hand on my shoulder, sorrow in his eyes before he nodded and took my mother upstairs. I walked into the living room slowly to find Angel sat on the floor engrossed in the programme i had left on the TV. I sat down beside her and it drew her attention away form the TV as she looked up into my eyes.
“Why daddy crying yesterday?”
“Daddy found out some sad news yesterday, that’s why.”
“You happy today Daddy?”
“Not much baby girl I’m glad to have you back home again now that I’ve cried.”
“Love you daddy.”
“I love you too my angel.”
“i see mummy today.”
I couldn’t speak as those words left angels lips. As she continued to look into my eyes it was as if she sensed something was wrong with what she said. I watched her small and beautiful face scrunch up as she continued to look at me. I felt my heart crumble again as i watched her face. There was no easy way of going about this and i knew it had to be now.
“Angel i have something to tell you. Will you sit on my lap on the sofa while i tell you.”
Angel nodded her arms outstretching and i picked her up and sat down on the sofa placing her gently on my legs as she lent against my one arm. Not once during it did she take her eyes of me as if watching for a clue.
“Angel, try and be brave while i tell you this please. Try for me?”
I watched her head nod a couple of times and continued.
“Mummy won’t be coming home.”
“Why?”
“While mummy was away at work something bad happened. The choo-choo train mummy was on, it went wrong. Mummy helped lots of hurt people off, but she didn’t get off.”
I watched Angels face as she seemed to process what i said. I picked her up and walked to the back door opening it before sitting on the back paving, angel resting on my knee again.
I pointed up into the sky that was lined with clouds.
“You know how mummy once said that poorly bird went to heaven, in the sky.”
Angel nodded again.
“That’s where mummy has gone. To heaven in the sky. She’s gone to help that poorly bird. She’s up there now, watching us from behind a cloud.”
Angel was silent as she looked up into the clouds before her head turned back to me. Her little arms wrapped around my neck tight as i felt her chest shake before the sound of her crying.
“But i want mummy home, with us. Mummy.”
It was then her tears started badly. Her tiny body shaking in my arms as i held her to my chest gently rocking her. I kissed the top of her head gently. As i pulled back i watched as angel loosened on my neck pulling her head up.
“I going to be brave, like daddy wanted.”
I hugged her.
“You can cry if you like baby girl. I will be her always. I will look after you for mummy to. I’m never going to let you get hurt, ever. I promise. Your my little girl and it’s just us two now, we will make a strong pair just for mummy.”
I felt the tears build in my eyes and couldn’t help stop them as i looked down into angel’s. She pulled herself against me her little arms stretching around me as best as they could into a hug before she kissed me. I used one arm to wipe my tears before i gently wiped her own away.
“i going to miss mummy lots. But i going to help you daddy, i going to be a big girl and brave girl for you.”
I nodded a light smile appearing over ym face momentarily as i stood up hugging angel to my chest as we went back inside.
“I love you Angel.”
“Love you to daddy.”
As we stepped back into the kitchen my parents and Elena’s mum stood there. They had heard everything, watched as i explained to my daughter why her mummy wasn’t home. My dad came to stand beside me as angel stretched out to go to Elena’s mum.
“I know how hard that was for you son. But I’m proud of how you put it, so that she understood. She really is an angel and i know that you two will cope on your own. It will be hard but it get’s easier son.”
I nodded at my dad as i watched Elena’s mum engage in talk with angel.
“Grandma heard what you said just. Your such a big girl to help daddy and be as brave as you are. If you ever feel sad and miss mummy you must tell daddy though. If you ever feel you ant to cry you can, daddy will know you miss mummy. I’m proud of you to be so brave for daddy, your such a good little girl.”
I smiled before angel came back into my arms. I held onto her tight, i felt a little relief having her in my arms as if some of the pain was turned into the love and caring for my daughter. It was as if the pain i felt was changed into the protection i was going to provide for such an amazing little girl.
I spent the whole night with having not got more than an hour’s worth of sleep. Most of it was spent with a tearful Amy in my arms as i tried to calm her down. I knew it was hard on her losing someone she had grown up with and faced every high and low in her life so far with. It was difficult for me and the other guys having known her for a few years and seen the change she had made to my best friend. The way he changed for the better and how happy and settled and cared for he was.
Another few hours of the night were spent on the phone. Ed couldn’t sleep he was aching, and tearful and i just didn’t know what to do. I tried my best to soothe him with just my words but i knew it wasn’t going to be good enough. As we spoke he asked me the one question that i could never answer. How do i tell angel her mum’s gone? I couldn’t answer my only response was think of what you were told if someone passed in your family or a pet passed away. I knew he would handle it however hard it was, by the end of the conversation i could sense he was been tough for her.
As i put the phone back on the side i looked down to see that amy had dropped off against my chest. I didn’t want to disturb her and so instead shuffled down the bed a little and lay back keeping her where she was lay. I watched her as she shuffled closer in to me before i pulled the duvet over the pair of us. Before settling i looked at the clock, 6 am and so far i hadn’t slept at all, i knew Caleb was returning to us at ten am and had to be so tried the best i could to sleep for a few hours, hoping i would get some time to sleep throughout Caleb’s nap time.
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Ed’s POV
After managing to get some sleep after tossing and turning most the night and ending up seeing if alex was awake to talk to i was awake the sun just rising. It was 5:30 am and i was up cup of tea in hand. Elena’s mum had stayed the night in the spare room, i heard her crying late into the night and left her to her own grieving before i heard her fall asleep, she was still asleep now no doubt tired from the day before.
I sat down on the sofa watching the sun rise through the window finishing my cup of tea. After i placed the mug down i felt my eyes close again and must of fallen into quite a deep sleep. I had awoke and looked at the clock to see it was 10 am, a blanket had been placed over me and i guessed it was Elena’s mum that had done that.
I got up and headed into the kitchen to see Elena’s mum sat eating some breakfast. I made myself a round of toast, just about managing to eat it. I knew that my parents were bringing angel round in half an hour.
“Would like me to stay here whilst you tell angel, i will be discreet upstairs and then if you need me depending her reaction i can help?”
“You would do that? You wouldn’t mind?”
“Of course not, your my son in law and her my granddaughter, i will always support you when it’s needed. Ed i understand how hard this is going to be, i had to Elena her father had left us that she would never know her father. That was hard enough for me and that wasn’t death.”
All i could do was nod. I knew i would appreciate it, she seemed to know how to handle a child’s reaction better than me. We sat in the kitchen for a while Elena’s mum reassuring me that it would be ok, that i knew exactly what to say deep down and that the right words would fall out my mouth when Angel sat i front of me asking why her mum wasn’t home when she was meant to be.
It was then that the door went. I nervously headed over opening and hugging my parents. They shared their condolences before my father handed Angel into my arms. Angel wrapped her arms around my neck as i heard the distant creak of the guest room floorboards. Angel soon fidgeted out of my arms and i placed her onto the floor. She toddled off for the couch as my parents stood in the hall.
“I’m so sorry son, i wish we could hep more. If you ever need us to have angel to give some time to reflect or think then we will be more than willing.”
“Thanks, Elena’s mum is upstairs if your quick and quiet head upstairs to see her, she’s hanging around whilst i explain to angel just incase i need the help. Feel free to stay or go.”
My mother hugged me as i felt one tear slide down my cheek. I wiped it away quickly not allowing any more to fall. I felt my dad place a firm hand on my shoulder, sorrow in his eyes before he nodded and took my mother upstairs. I walked into the living room slowly to find Angel sat on the floor engrossed in the programme i had left on the TV. I sat down beside her and it drew her attention away form the TV as she looked up into my eyes.
“Why daddy crying yesterday?”
“Daddy found out some sad news yesterday, that’s why.”
“You happy today Daddy?”
“Not much baby girl I’m glad to have you back home again now that I’ve cried.”
“Love you daddy.”
“I love you too my angel.”
“i see mummy today.”
I couldn’t speak as those words left angels lips. As she continued to look into my eyes it was as if she sensed something was wrong with what she said. I watched her small and beautiful face scrunch up as she continued to look at me. I felt my heart crumble again as i watched her face. There was no easy way of going about this and i knew it had to be now.
“Angel i have something to tell you. Will you sit on my lap on the sofa while i tell you.”
Angel nodded her arms outstretching and i picked her up and sat down on the sofa placing her gently on my legs as she lent against my one arm. Not once during it did she take her eyes of me as if watching for a clue.
“Angel, try and be brave while i tell you this please. Try for me?”
I watched her head nod a couple of times and continued.
“Mummy won’t be coming home.”
“Why?”
“While mummy was away at work something bad happened. The choo-choo train mummy was on, it went wrong. Mummy helped lots of hurt people off, but she didn’t get off.”
I watched Angels face as she seemed to process what i said. I picked her up and walked to the back door opening it before sitting on the back paving, angel resting on my knee again.
I pointed up into the sky that was lined with clouds.
“You know how mummy once said that poorly bird went to heaven, in the sky.”
Angel nodded again.
“That’s where mummy has gone. To heaven in the sky. She’s gone to help that poorly bird. She’s up there now, watching us from behind a cloud.”
Angel was silent as she looked up into the clouds before her head turned back to me. Her little arms wrapped around my neck tight as i felt her chest shake before the sound of her crying.
“But i want mummy home, with us. Mummy.”
It was then her tears started badly. Her tiny body shaking in my arms as i held her to my chest gently rocking her. I kissed the top of her head gently. As i pulled back i watched as angel loosened on my neck pulling her head up.
“I going to be brave, like daddy wanted.”
I hugged her.
“You can cry if you like baby girl. I will be her always. I will look after you for mummy to. I’m never going to let you get hurt, ever. I promise. Your my little girl and it’s just us two now, we will make a strong pair just for mummy.”
I felt the tears build in my eyes and couldn’t help stop them as i looked down into angel’s. She pulled herself against me her little arms stretching around me as best as they could into a hug before she kissed me. I used one arm to wipe my tears before i gently wiped her own away.
“i going to miss mummy lots. But i going to help you daddy, i going to be a big girl and brave girl for you.”
I nodded a light smile appearing over ym face momentarily as i stood up hugging angel to my chest as we went back inside.
“I love you Angel.”
“Love you to daddy.”
As we stepped back into the kitchen my parents and Elena’s mum stood there. They had heard everything, watched as i explained to my daughter why her mummy wasn’t home. My dad came to stand beside me as angel stretched out to go to Elena’s mum.
“I know how hard that was for you son. But I’m proud of how you put it, so that she understood. She really is an angel and i know that you two will cope on your own. It will be hard but it get’s easier son.”
I nodded at my dad as i watched Elena’s mum engage in talk with angel.
“Grandma heard what you said just. Your such a big girl to help daddy and be as brave as you are. If you ever feel sad and miss mummy you must tell daddy though. If you ever feel you ant to cry you can, daddy will know you miss mummy. I’m proud of you to be so brave for daddy, your such a good little girl.”
I smiled before angel came back into my arms. I held onto her tight, i felt a little relief having her in my arms as if some of the pain was turned into the love and caring for my daughter. It was as if the pain i felt was changed into the protection i was going to provide for such an amazing little girl.