Goodbye

A gentle hush surrounded us as we sat under the shade on a grassy ledge, that hung over the lake. Justin refused to meet my eyes, and he was being unusually quiet, which told me that something was up. He just wouldn’t tell me what. I pulled my knees up to my chest and then wrapped my arms around my calves to hold my legs in place. Then I rested my chin on knee and stared at the water, until I heard a soft sigh from the boy next to me.

“Justin, what’s wrong?” I asked quietly. He glanced over at me, then looked back at the water. He said nothing and picked up a rock, throwing it with unnecessary force into the water; his eyes closing as the rock hit the water with a loud ‘plunk’. The day before, he had come back from a vacation to Atlanta with his mom. Everyone knew he had been really excited about it, which is why I was so confused about his sudden… lack of happiness, lack of words.

Earlier, when I had asked how the trip had gone, he had simply said ‘fine’ and when I’d asked what he did, he said ‘nothing’.

“Justin. You know you can tell me anything.” I said softly. His warm brown eyes flickered up to my blue one’s, and he sighed again.

“You know… How I said I was going on vacation to Atlanta?” He asked quietly, his words coming out kind of slow. I nodded to show that I knew what he was talking about, and stared at him expectantly. “Well… I did go to Atlanta… But not for vacation.” He said.

I was still very, very confused.

“Justin, you need to explain more… I-I don’t understand” I murmured. He closed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair, which was thankfully getting longer after that horrid buzz cut.

“After Stratford Idol, my mom put up some videos of my family. You know, the out-of-towns? And well… We got some calls, and finally my mom decided to go meet one of the managers that were trying to sign me…” He said. I smiled and stretched my legs out in front of me.

“That’s great! What happened?!” I asked happily, unsure of why he still looked so unhappy.

“Well um… I got signed.” He said quietly, in his awkward-Justin way. I laughed and threw my arms around him, nuzzling my face into his arm.

“Justin, that’s amazing! I’m so happy for you!” I said, but I pulled away shortly after I realized that he wasn’t even moving. “Justin, what’s wrong?” I asked again. He sighed and closed his eyes, a small tear drop dangling from his long eye lashes.

“I have to leave… For good. We’re moving to Atlanta tomorrow. Everything’s all packed.” He said. And suddenly, I understood. He was leaving. He was leaving me behind. My eyes began to sting as I tried to hold back tears.

“O-Okay… Um… T-that’s still great, I’m so happy for you!” I said. He turned to me and wiped his cheek on the sleeve of his sweater. He then sighed and stood up, holding out his hands to help me up as well. I took his hands hesitantly and then stared into his brown eyes for a moment, until he suddenly leaned forward and cupped my face in his hands, pressing his lips against mine.

It felt like years had passed, when really it was only seconds, and when he pulled away, I felt tingles all throughout my body. I had always loved Justin, but we’d never really made any sort of move towards each other. Just kept it at a safe, friendship pace. But that kiss made me wonder, was there something there for him to? Or was he was he just teasing me? He kept his hands on my face, even as tears streamed down both of our faces.

“Goodbye Natasha…” He said, his words coming out cracked, broken; just like my heart.

“Goodbye Justin…” I whispered, watching as he walked back through the bushes, back towards his new life. The life he was leaving me behind for.

I shot up in bed, tears streaming down my face just as they had been in the dream. That had been the first time I had dreamt about Justin since I’d moved from Stratford to Toronto. That just proved that seeing him again, in person, was getting nearer and nearer; the impending doom weighing my shoulders down. The thought of seeing him had already been messing with me, but now it was messing with my sleep? By bringing up painful memories when I was most vulnerable?

I gulped up air, like someone who had been stranded on the desert would gulp up water, and then grabbed a tissue off my night stand to wipe my face. Once I was done, I touched my lips gently with the tips of my fingers, closing my eyes and letting out a choked breath, as more warm, fresh tears flowed down my face.

I could still feel it. I could still feel his kiss on my lips.