Goodbye

Watching Justin run off the stage was one of the hardest things I think I’d ever had to deal with, the most pain I'd ever had to face. Almost as hard as watching him walk away from me that day by our spot. But this time, it was my fault he was running; not his own hopes and dreams. I wouldn’t have even been sure that it was because me, had it not been for the… instant before he dropped the microphone, where our eyes met and he was showing me everything.

His vulnerability.
His resistance to continue.
His adoration for everything we used to have.
His adoration for me.

“What… The hell just happened?” Andrea asked beside me, making me roll my eyes.

“Something obviously upset him” I hissed back, before I pulled a hair elastic off my wrist and secured my hair into a pony tail.

“Well, I mean what though? Like, I swear he was looking at me. Omigawsh! He was looking at me, realized that he loves me, and ran off to try and find me!” She said. I just rolled my eyes and stood up. “Hey wait Nat, where are you going?” She asked.

“Bathroom” I muttered as I made sure I wasn’t leaving anything valuable in Andrea’s watch. But it was hard to concentrate, because all around us; people were chanting Justin’s name.

“I’ll come to” She said, beginning to stand up, when I held my hand out.

“I can pee by myself Andrea” I snapped, then walked away before she could protest.

Okay, so I know I was being a little mean. I had never used that tone with her before, nor had I said anything to her that was remotely bitchy. I was grateful for her friendship, really I was. I didn’t know if it was because of seeing Justin, but something had me on edge as I jogged towards the back stage entrance. I needed to see him.

“Whoa, whoa. Authorized personnel only” A big, tall scary looking guy said, grabbing my shoulder as I tried to run past him.

“I have a back stage pass” I shouted, even though it sounded quiet to him, beneath all the chanting.

“Can I see it?”

I nodded and began searching my pockets, when I remembered that Andrea had the passes. Shit. Double shit.

“I left it at my seat. But I need to see him. I need to see Justin!” I said, trying to run past again. When he grabbed me again, I began pounding on his chest as hard as I could, but he seemed unfazed.

“Jude, she’s with me” An unknown voice said. However, when I looked up, I recognized the face immediately. It was Ryan.

“Ryan!” I shrieked as he jogged over.

“No backstage pass, no entry. Plus, I was warned not to let anyone through until we get the OK on Justin’s wellbeing” He said, looking pointedly at me. Ryan groaned and looked around frantically.

“Go outside, and then go around to the side door. I’ll meet you there” He said. Nodding, we both ran in opposite directions. But this time, I was sprinting. I was running so fast that I didn’t even notice when I tripped on things.

It just gave me more momentum.

By the time I reached the doors, my lungs were already burning and my legs were aching. But that didn’t stop me. I continued to run as fast as I possibly could towards the side door, pumping my legs harder when I saw Ryan jumping up and down, waving.

When I reached him, he moved aside a metal gate so I could get by, but grabbed my arm when I went towards the door.

“He’s around back.” He said. Nodding, I slowed to a walk with him, giving my breathing a chance to slow down. I wanted to run, I wanted to see him; but Ryan kept his hand on my elbow, as if warning me not to go too fast.

“How do you…” I asked, but cut off, not only due to panting; but also due to the fact that I didn’t care how he remembered me, or how he knew that I was the cause of Justin’s trauma.

“I’m not as stupid as you guys think I am. I always knew there was something between you to. Now, hurry up and breathe normally again. Your best friend needs you” He said.

I nodded, and mentally punched myself when my heart fluttered at the words ‘best friend’ and ‘needs you’