Goodbye

Turning around the corner of the building, I felt my breath knocked out of me.

There I had been, thinking I had been the only one hurt from Justin’s leaving. I had thought that it hadn’t mattered, that he hadn’t missed me, that it hadn’t been hard for him. But it had been. It had been equally hard for both of us. I guess he meant it that day when he tried to tell me he loved me, without actually saying it; since he was with Caitlin.

But there I was, staring at a broken Bieber. He was sitting on the ground with his back against the brick wall of the building and his legs were pulled up, not exactly to his chest, but pretty close. And his arms were folded, resting on his knees while his head was buried in his lap, his forehead on his arms. And he was shaking. Not in an ‘I’m cold’ Or “I’m frightened’ way, but the way I had been just a few days before.

He was crying.

Pattie was sitting beside him, a distraught look on her face while she tried to sooth him, whispering things to him and rubbing his back, but I could tell nothing was working. I knew Justin well enough to know that nothing would work, except talking to me.

Not too long after Ryan and I had been standing there, Pattie noticed us. At first she seemed sad, but then her eyes laid on me, and shock filled her face. I watched as she whispered something to Justin, who just nodded, but kept his head down, and then walked over to us.

“Natasha” She whispered, too quiet for Justin to hear. I nodded and she smiled, wrapping her arms around me. The hug was short-lived, but I didn’t mind. Justin was my main focus currently. “I’ll talk to you later” She said, then grabbed Ryan’s arm and pulled him back around the way me and him had just come, their voices soon disappearing.

And then it was just me and Justin.

I approached him slowly, pacing my steps so that they were slow, barely making a sound. Then I sped up a little and stopped in front of him, feeling a stab at my heart when he sniffled.

“This may sound stupid…” He said, catching me off guard. “But I still remember that day that we kissed…”

I stared down at him in disbelief, then crouched down in front of him, tapping his arm to make him look up. When he did, I bit my bit. His brown eyes were glossy and he had tears streaking down his face. For a minute, his face turned completely shocked and he just stared at me, taking me in. All the changes, all the things that stayed the same. And I did the same thing with him.

Once he was done, he lifted his head more and wiped his eyes on the back of his hand.

“Wanna hear something even stupider?” He asked, sniffling. I nodded, unable to find my voice. “Sometimes… When I’m alone, and I think about you… I can still feel it. I can still feel your lips on mine… And, and… I remember, that time… You know, when we danced? With no music. And you got really frustrated, but eventually you found rhythm in the silence” He said, a slight smile playing along his lips, as he seemed to be experiencing that walk down memory lane that I was forced to travel every day of my life.

“I… remember a lot of things to… The simple things.” I said finally, tears prickling in my eyes. He nodded and then his face became distorted as more tears began to form in his eyes, before pouring out.

“I need you in my life, Tash” He said quietly. I shook my head and sat down properly on the ground.

“You’re the one who said goodbye Justin” I said, making more tears flow down his cheeks.

“I know, and I regret it. That’s the only thing I regret from our time together. I regret the goodbye” He said. I sighed and bit my lip. I wanted to touch him. I wanted to feel that he was real. And I wanted to feel his arms around me. But I couldn’t, because then… Well, when he said goodbye again; I don’t think I could handle it. “Please Natasha, let me make it up to you…” He whispered.

“How Justin? How can you do that while you’re busy living your dream?” I snapped, my words coming out harsher than I had planned.

“I don’t know, but I just… I want to! I have to! You don’t understand how much I’ve missed you!” He said. I rolled my eyes and tucked my hands under my bum, to ensure that I didn’t do anything stupid with them.

“Well you should have thought of that before completely cutting me out of your life. I’m not going to put my life on pause for you, every time it’s convenient for me to be in your life!” I shouted, not noticing another person standing nearby.

“Nat?”

Both Justin and I turned our heads, seeing a hurt looking Andrea standing a few feet away, tears building in her eyes as she stared. But her eyes were mostly focused on me.

“Whose that?” Justin asked, nodding his head in Andrea’s direction.

“My best friend” I stated confidently, unfazed by the fact that Justin looked absolutely adorable with his big, sad brown eyes and tear streaked face. I wanted so badly to forgive him then and there, but how could his sad excuse for an ‘I’m sorry’ make up for all the years that I had spent hurting because of him.

“But I thought I wa—“

“No Justin. You aren’t. Best friends don’t just walk out of someone’s life. I never, ever heard from you after that day. You said you loved me, you said I was your best friend and you said that you didn’t know what you would do without me. Yet you proved that you’re capable of loving other people, that you have other more important friends and that you can survive without me. So you’ll just have to survive longer” I said, then stood up and walked over to Andrea.

“I can’t believe you never told me…” She whispered, then she turned and walked away, not looking back, even when I called her name.

“Need a ride home?” Justin asked from behind me. I sighed and looked down at my shoes. Unluckily for me, when I looked at my shoes, I also saw his, showing me just how close to me he was. And just that close proximity made me crave him.

“Justin” I whispered, then turned around, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face into his chest. After a minute for shock, he wrapped his arms around my waist and held me close to him, while I sobbed into his shirt.

“I’m so sorry Natasha. I’m so sorry” He whispered into my hair, before silence surrounded us again.