Call on Me

I woke up the next morning with Josh’s arms wrapped around my torso. I would’ve felt more comfortable if Lana wasn’t sleeping right beside us with an arm draped over her torso as well. My forehead scrunched together in what I couldn’t tell to be anger of simple confusion. But, before I could slap the arm away Josh rolled over pulling me with him causing me to squeak in shock.

“It’s too early for your noises Kimberly!”

“Fuck off Cameron,” I mumbled as I slowly wiggled free of Josh’s arms. I had this uncanny inability to get back to sleep after waking up. It was always an annoyance after a hard night of partying when all I wanted to do was sleep off the hangover but I survived. Finally getting free I started towards the kitchen determined to find something to drink and probably something to snack on as well. Hearing the floor creak I turned, nearly jumping, as Cameron waltz in after me.

“Jeez could you be any more jumpy?”

“Jeez could you be any more annoyingly creepy?” I mimicked with a smile.

“Are you alright Kim?”

“I’ll be fine.” As per usual in the morning I started rummaging for something steamy and warm. Cameron set two mugs down to indicate he also wanted some. He smirked as he splashed a little water on me “for fun.”

“So, am I the only one that noticed my brother making sleeping moves on your sister?”

I rolled my eyes as I started heating up the water. Cameron might not have trouble talking about the fact that Connor had his arm draped precariously near my sister’s waist, if not lower, but I was not in the mood or mind to discuss anything. He walked towards the fridge to grab the milk as I rummaged through the cabinets for small packages of cocoa mix.

“Grab the marshmallows while you’re at it,” he said plopping the gallon next to my mug. “What did your dad say last night?”

I froze. Cameron knew better. He knew I hated talking about what I didn’t want repeated. He knew he shouldn’t have asked me. But, Cameron was also one to fight through my wall time and time again. I hated him for that. He waited. I knew he wouldn’t let it go, not this time. He was there to find out what had gone on, and he wasn’t taking no for an answer.

“He said I was a mistake and that if I was never born my parents wouldn’t be getting a divorce and I messed everything up,” I said with a sigh of defeat. I heard the air escape his lungs as he leaned against the counter crossing his arms. “Happy?”

“What?” he looked up in shock as I questioned his purpose for asking me. With a shake of his head he stood up straight giving me a testing glance. “No Kim, why on earth would I ever be happy that some idiot told my best friend that it would’ve done him a lot better if she were never born. What do you think I’m a monster or something?”

I grabbed two packets and the mallows before finally turning to look at him. “No, I just don’t know what to say Cameron. I don’t know how to make this better. How and I supposed to explain to Lana that her dad doesn’t love her anymore? What am I supposed to tell her when she cries at night because of the yelling and screaming?”

“I don’t know sweetie.”

“I wish one of us did. Josh asked me to come with you guys. He asked me and Lana to come.”

Cameron looked up with a smile. It was like he knew I what I was going to do before I knew. He nodded his head to point me to telling him what I’d decided on and, when I didn’t respond, he prompted again. “And…what did you say?”

“I can’t. Cam, if I go he’ll see me at my most vulnerable moments. He’ll see me when I cry myself to sleep because of my parents fighting. He’ll see me when I can’t think of the words to express how scared I am. He won’t want to be with me when he sees how messed up I am,” I said letting my fears spill quickly.

“Kim, my brother isn’t an idiot. I mean he is, but he’s not stupid. He’s not going to break up with a girl he’s in love with who just so happens to be pretty amazing. Come with us. I’m sure we can find something to keep you entertained when the shows become boring for you and Lana,” he said with a slight shrug. Sure, he would make it that simple. But someone had to keep a rational head on their shoulders. If I just up and left I would be making an irresponsible decision and that I just couldn’t allow. Although I wasn’t one to be responsible in these situations I had to be the one that put my foot down, no matter how horrible the idea of staying behind was.

“I don’t know,” I said pouring some hot water into my cup before adding the chocolate and then some milk. He looked at me with aggravation as he mimicked me to get some cocoa. “What if my mom says no?”

“Then I’m going to tie you up and take you by force. Kim, you’re my best friend. Do you know how awesome it would be to have you on the road with us? Please? For me?”

“What would Lana do? She’s way too young to be gallivanting around the states with a bunch of older males. I can’t set that example for her!”

“Kimberly Marie, if you don’t stop being so fucking level headed I’m going to smack some sense in to your brain,” he threatened. It came complete with a glare and I had to admit, I would’ve been scared if I didn’t know that Cameron wouldn’t hurt a fly.

“Smack my girl and I’ll be forced to run you out of town bro,” a very tired Josh said walking into the room. He smiled as he neared and wrapped his arms around my waist pressing a kiss to my cheek. “Sleep well?”

“Just fine,” I said letting a small blush creep into my face. “Thanks for the pajamas,” I said with a smile looking down at the oversized tee and boxers I was wearing. My one saving feature was that the few boxers he actually owned were a few years old and thus a few sizes smaller. They fit me just fine.

“Anytime I get to see a lovely lady in my pants I’m pretty much willing to help her out.” I felt a grin grow on his face as he leaned his head in the curve of my neck. “Besides, you make them look a thousand times better than I ever could,” he added softly.

“Thanks babe,” I said. “Well, before the whole world wakes up I am going to find a shower and enjoy a good change of clothing,” I said kissing Josh as I turned around and started to leave. “Cameron, don’t touch my cocoa,” I said before finally leaving the boys in the kitchen.

I made my way thought the house in silence trying to make sure I didn’t make too much noise lest I wake someone. I looked through what I had and decided on a dress I’d left there one night and hadn’t ever retrieved. I was almost certain that Josh’s mom had indeed washed it. She treated me as though I was part of the family. That included meals and a place to sleep and wash laundry any time I needed. That usually extended to Lana who liked wearing my clothes so I didn’t think she’d mind the jeans and tank top she’d be stuck with.

Whenever I stayed over I showered in Josh’s bathroom, mainly because it actually had a lock on the door. I pulled myself under the hot water and tried to relax but all I could hear was my dad’s words breathing down my neck. I felt horrible that I couldn’t just drop it like everyone else seemed to want. It was hard though, forgetting that I was a failure.

By the time I got out and had change, tied my hair into a bun and attempted to wrangle myself into a somewhat happy mood everyone else had woken and joined the kitchen conversation. Josh had changed and Connor had released my sister’s waist. Walking in I gave my typical smile before grabbing a seat between Josh and Cameron.

“Hey beautiful,” Josh said. “Are you ready to go?”

“Go where?”

“Breakfast,” he said with a smile.

“Josh, I’m really not that hungry, a banana and I’d be good.”

He looked hurt and frowned lightly, “Kim, please?”

“Fine, but don’t blame me when I’m sick from being so full,” I said. He nodded before I turned to walk away from the forming group but I heard him follow. It was nice, surprise dates that weren’t official or anything in that sense of the word.

“Hey, I gotta tell you something,” he said pulling me so I stopped and turned to face him. I looked at him, waiting for a response. He grinned, pressing a kiss to my forehead, and stated “I love you.”

“Well, I love you too,” I informed him. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see when we get there,” he said rolling his eyes playfully.

I nodded and started towards the car. His car was comfortable, more so than the old truck he used to drive. Pulling into the street his hand found an easy way right into mine and from there it was just simple memory of how we always were when we got to be alone. I tried to bite the curiosity bullet but it only just made me really quiet on the ride over. His thumb drawing circles in the back of my hand didn’t help my dozing any either. Before I knew it we’d pulled into a park and he smiled stopping the car.

“Um, Josh, in case you didn’t notice this is definitely not a place you eat breakfast,” I pointed out.

“Have I ever led you wrong?”

“There was that one time we ended up in downtown Miami because you wouldn’t listen to me when I said turn right, so yea,” I said quickly.

“Recently, have I steered you wrong recently?”

I pouted, he hadn’t. The Miami trip had been in freshman year for a week over Christmas break. He’d become much better at reading directions since then. He hopped out and I followed walking around the front of the car to find him waiting.

“Come on,” he said lacing his fingers with mine as he started strolling towards a very familiar tree. It was the tree we’d first shared a kiss, first said ‘I love you’ and first talked about anything relating to starting a family later. We called it our tree of firsts. “Kim, I love you. I would do anything for you and I want you to know that I would never hurt you,” he said turning around to face me. He motioned for me to sit and I did watching him take a seat as well. “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you and I know that one day I want to marry you.”

“Josh, we’ve had this conversation like a million times,” I pointed out. We knew we wanted to get married, well I knew he wanted to marry me. He didn’t know I was terrified of the idea. He knew that he wanted three boys and a little girl, all with me. He knew that he couldn’t see himself five years down the line with another girl ever. But all of his knowledge didn’t mean I never thought about the what ifs and the maybes. It was quite terrified of the future.

“I know,” he said. His hand slid into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. “But this time I want to make it a promise,” he added as he opened the box. “One day Kimberly Marie, I’ll put an engagement ring on that finger and then soon after a wedding band.” He said all of this while showing me a gorgeous promise ring. I hadn’t ever thought about anyone doing that, promising to propose. Then again, Josh was never one to do something half way.

“Josh…” I didn’t know what to say. What did you say to something like that? I could feel the slight prick of tears against my cheeks. He smiled sliding the ring on my finger before he pressed a kiss to my hand. “You’re amazing,” I told him.

“Only half as amazing as you are my dear,” he told me. I giggle softly before leaning forward pushing him backwards as I pulled myself on top of him. “Kim…?” I didn’t let him fully finish his thought as I pressed my lips to his. I didn’t care what the world thought of us right then. I was just happy to have him with me. His hand smoothed down my dress that had flopped up a little. I loved that he did that. I was comfortable just kissing him and just being with him. When I finally let his lips go he stole one more playful kiss as he looked up at me. His lips looked slightly red so I could only imagine what mine looked like. I decided I didn’t want to know. “So…have you thought about touring?”

“I’m coming,” I said before I could even think it through one last time. “We’re both coming,” I added since I knew I couldn’t go if Lana wasn’t there with me anyways.

“Two lovely answers,” he said as he caressed my lips with his again. For the first time in months I was relaxed and calm. Josh could do that. He could make me feel completely at ease with the world around me. He could make me relax and just be. He could do almost everything that Cameron could when I was upset, except get me to talk. Now agreeing to tour with them meant he would, for the first time, see that he didn’t know me.