Anything for a Laugh

The bell rings, signifying the end of lunch, and I gather my books and turn to my friend, Annie.

"Want me to walk you to your class?" I ask her.

She smiles broadly at me, hooks her arm through mine and says, "Sure! Let's go!"

I smile back at her. "What class?"

"AP Studio Art."

Score! I think. The perfect distraction. The art classroom is far, far away from Greenstein's class. This will give me a little time to prepare for fifth period.

As we walk we gab about all things recent: senior boat dance (she can't go, she's a junior), math homework, that cute boy in her math class, the amassing of asians in the media center. We finally arrive at the art classroom and I pull her back, wanting a few more seconds.

"Look," I start. "I've gotta tell you something."

She immediately perks up at the tone in my voice. Secret? What secret?

"Brian Leonard likes me," I state bluntly.

Annie stares at me and then squeals. "No freaking way!"

"I think. At least, that's what Lenny tells me." I fidget with my purse, avoiding eye contact.

"Well, has Brian directly told you that he likes you?"

"Err, not exactly...He's a little shy."

"Then wait. Don't get me wrong, I totally think you should go for it. Just wait until he tells you himself, " Annie advises me.

I nod, agreeing. "Yeah. I think I can do that. Though there's one problem: he's dated Jessica fucking Huang. And she's a total slut. I don't know if I can kiss something she's touched."

Annie laughs. "That is kind of gross. But I heard they never did anything anyways."

I quirk my lips and shrug. "Huh."

She pushes me towards the quad. "Go on. Tell me what happens after school."

I glance back at her, unsure. "But...ah, ok."

I trek across the quad, make a last minute decision, and head towards the bathroom. The girly part of my brain won't let me walk into class without checking my makeup. I do a quick mirror check, make a U-turn, and hurry on to AP Euro.

I'm outside the door, slowing my heart rate. I bite my lip and walk purposely through the door. As I predicted, all the seats are taken except two in the back behind Brian and Cindy. I didn't want to come to class on time because that would mean that Brian would get to choose his seat based on where I was sitting. I definitely didn't want that.

Glancing around the room I realize someone is M.I.A. Of course, Lenny never comes in on time. Fuck.

I take the empty seat behind Cindy, avoiding the seat directly behind Brian. Lenny can have that seat.

"What'd I miss?" I whisper to Cindy.

"Nothing. Duh. Where were you?"

"I...had to take care of some stuff," I bluff. Hey, it was kind of a half truth, right?

"Oh. What stuff?" She pries.

"Um, nothing interesting. Just stuff."

Cindy gets the hint and drops it. I lean back against my chair and turn to Kyle, who's to my right.

"Tu tienes chicle?" I ask in my broken spanish.

He shakes his head. "No gum today."

"Damn." I frown; I was looking forward to that.

Forty minutes pass and Lenny still hasn't arrived. I start to get a little antsy. Where the hell is he? Just as that thought forms Lenny walks through the doorway, out of breath. He quickly sits up at the front and I hide my relief. It would have looked weird if just outright sighed.

I hold my composure for the five minutes that Lenny gets grilled for being late. Of course, Greenstein is only kidding. He doesn't really give a shit if you're late.

"There was this car in front of me that just rammed into this Hondo. It was freaky," Lenny explains. I almost believe him, but then Greenstein asks him a question.

"Now, lemme ask you something: was the driver a woman?"

Lenny pauses. "Well, yes."

"And another: was she asian?"

Lenny laughs. "Now that you mention it, she was."

That's when I stop believing his story. Why is he lying?

I find out exactly why he's lying when he picks up his stuff and moves toward the back of the room--towards us. I spot something on his neck--bright, red circles.

Bug bites? Wait, no, they're too big...hold on, no way. Are those...? HICKIES? Jesus christ, what was he doing with his girlfriend?

Mina asks that exact question when he sits down next to me.

"Are those hickies?"

Lenny's eyes go wide and he covers his neck with his hand. "What? Where? Shit, are they really obvious?"

He elongates his neck, looking at Brian.

Brian inspects them. "Uh, yeah dude. They're huge."

"Dammit. I hope Greenstein didn't notice."

I giggle internally. Wow, he's a dumbass. But despite that, I feel a little uneasy. I definitely don't want to talk about how Lenny got those hickies. And image of his girlfriend sucking his neck pops into my head. Oh, gross--shut--the--fuck--up--! Ew, Ew, Ew.

I shake my head vigorously, tap Cindy on the shoulder and ask her if we can go get a drink.

She nods, as eager as I am to be out of there. "Yeah. Let's go."

I get a nice, full breath of air once I'm outside. Cindy doesn't ask questions, and I'm thankful for that. I don't know what I'm thinking, so what can I tell her?

We do a full circle around the school and then arrive back at the classroom. Greenstein is outside, getting a breather too, I assume.

"It's so nice outside, right?" He asks with a huge smile on his face.

I grin back. "Yeah. I wish we had classes outside. That would be awesome."

"Yeah it would. Hey, if you just wanna stay out here for some fresh air, feel free to take all the time you need."

Oh, I love this class. "Haha, ok. Thanks."

I stretch my arms and look up at the sky. It's so clear and blue and untroubled by teenage angst. Why can't I be that clear?

"All right. Let's go back," I signal to Cindy.

Lenny has taken my seat. I walk calmly over to wear he sits. "Hey, can I have my seat back? PLEASE?"

He looks up at me, unaffected by my hands-on-hips gesture. "No. Sit here. Next to Brian."

I growl inwardly and take the seat. And so it begins.

Lenny almost immediately starts cracking sex jokes at my expense. He even goes as far as to wrap his arm around Kyle, who finds this extremely awkward and demands to switch seats with Sammy, who obliges with kindness.

Lenny is now surrounded by all girls. He curls up a little and I smile.

"You look uncomfortable," I comment smugly. He can't do anything physical when he's surrounded by girls. He physically harasses guys, but he only verbally harasses girls.

Cindy, Mina, Sammy, and I laugh at his discomfort.

"You want me to be uncomfortable, Dylan?" He asks.

"Of course I do," I confirm, unaware of the situation.

"Whoa there, why do you want me to be uncomfortable? You planning on doing something?" Lenny asks, back to his cocky-perverted self.

My mouth twists in disgust. "Ugh, no. I wasn't thinking of whatever you were thinking. That's sick."

He laughs. Joke is on me.

"I'm actually not uncomfortable. I don't really mind being surrounded by girls."

"Huh." I turn away.

"You look flustered. Your face is all red," he jokes.

"Yeah, it is Dylan," Cindy agrees, joining in.

"I do not," I protest, wanting the attention off of me.

"Doesn't she look hot Brian?" Lenny asks him.

"Oh yeah. She looks really, really hot," Brian says, not realizing the connotations that come with his words.

I heat up at that comment. Uh, what?

Lenny laughs and Brian comes to this realization.

"Well, uh, not THAT way. I didn't mean it like that."

Why is Lenny doing this? I find myself very much annoyed.

Cindy texts me asking what he said but I ignore the text. Best to forget about that. I focus on the movie Robin Hood, feeling extremely awkward in this tight space.

Kei-Wei sits beside me in the empty seat, acting as a barrier between me and Brian, and I mentally thank him. He has no idea that he has just done me a huge favor. But now it's really tight. I have about two feet of space around me.

"You look uncomfortable, Dylan," Brian throws back at me.

"Well, yeah. It's a little close." I bring my legs up onto my chair. My knees lightly graze Lenny and Kei-Wei. I hope they don't notice.

For the rest of the period Brian acts more and more like Lenny. He brings Kei-Wei's legs onto his lap and pets them. I act as if I don't notice, but I'm secretly weirded out.

What is he doing? I can only take so much Lenny! One is ENOUGH!

The more I sit in this class, the more I realize that a relationship with Brian is near impossible.
Especially when he's so intent on behaving like Lenny.

I think about it for a while. Why is he doing that?

A theory forms itself in my mind. Is it because I occasionally flirt with Lenny? Because he's loud and I like loud? Do I pay more attention to Lenny instead of Brian? Well, yeah. Brian is a little quieter.

So is he mimicking Lenny to get my attention?