The Edge

Brian:

I was sort of at a loss for words. What did he mean, like a brother or more like... well, interested in me? How can a twelve year old be interested in anyone? He's twelve. My god.

“Uh, like, what do you mean, Zacky?” I asked him cautiously, almost nervously.

He stayed silent a moment, fisting the hem of my shirt in his small hands, “I... I erm, like you. You know, uh, like... like I want to kiss you.”

Half of me wasn't surprised. The other half thought the feelings must be manifested because he hasn't been exposed to kids around his own age. That must be it, right?

“Zacky,” I asked, keeping my voice carefully calm, “Have you considered that you only like me because you haven't really been around-”

He placed a hand over my mouth, stopping me. He shook his head, “No, Brian. I really like you. You're just gonna have to deal with it, okay? We can still be friends, I won't rape you.”

I raised my eyebrows and pulled his hand off my mouth, “Okay, okay. I didn't think you would rape me. You're twelve, Zacky. How do you even know you like me?”

“Because,” He mumbled, blushing lightly, “I like when you touch me.”

My eyes widened slightly, but I tried to keep my mind out of the gutter, “So, are you gay?”

“I guess.” Zacky shrugged.

I couldn't help but laugh, the sheer awkwardness of the situation, “I'm not, though.”

A wicked smile spread across his face, “I bet you anything I could change that.”

“Uh... What do you mean by that?” I eyed him nervously.

He shook his head and refused to say more.

~

“You know what? At least I'm not ugly. And you cheated.” Zacky huffed. We were playing Sorry and he refused to acknowledge defeat. I literally always win at this, which is funny because I was honestly trying to let him win.

“Wait,” I said, holding up my hands in surrender, “Why does that make me ugly? I thought I was pretty.”

“Shuddup.”

I laughed, “Want to restart?”

“Naw,” He mumbled, “I hate losing.”

I stood up and looked at my clock. It was 10:30, but I wasn't tired, “Zacky, I have school tomorrow. If you don't want to play more, I'm going to sleep. You're welcome to join me.”

“Wait, Brian.,” Zacky pleaded, crawling over to me and sitting in my lap, “I do want to play a game.”

“Kay, what?”

He turned so he was facing me and leaned up, pressing his full lips into mine. I jumped, pulling slightly away and blushing, “Z-Zacky... You can't just-”

“Relax, Brian,” He giggled, “It was just a game... Come on, lets go to sleep.”

He climbed out of my lap and onto my bed, letting out a contented sigh as he wound his tiny body in my thick black comforter. I followed him, still slightly dazed from the kiss, but I pushed it out of my mind, curling up next to him and sighing in contentment. After a moment, he asked, “Brian?”

I tensed slightly, “Yes?”

“Can I cuddle with you?”

I thought for a second. Should I really be encouraging these feelings this boy has for me? I'd told him I was straight. I hoped, even thought he'd just kissed me, that he'd respect me and my boundaries and know I didn't like him like that. I repeated my thoughts out loud to him.

“So you are afraid I'll rape you.” It wasn't a question.

“No!” I exclaimed, “I just... I don't want to encourage this... these feelings you have.”

“So... I can't cuddle with you?” he whimpered, pouting and giving me puppy dog eyes.

I sighed heavily, “Alright, alright, fine. Go ahead.”

He squealed and snuggled up to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing his head into my chest. I sighed softly, stroking his hair gently. I couldn't help but wonder why he'd chosen me, even though the answer seemed to be I was the only person he had, I almost felt like it was something more.

~

I woke up sweaty and absolutely terrified. I turned my head to see Zacky looking worried and staring at me. I wiped the sweat from my forehead, dropping my gaze from him and getting up rather awkwardly. I couldn't believe what I'd dreamed about last night. I couldn't believe myself. I stood up and shuffled out of the room and into the bathroom.

I stared at myself in the mirror, running a hand through my tousled hair. I couldn't believe myself. I couldn't believe what my subconscious had shown me. I shivered.

“Are you okay?” Whispered a voice from the bathroom door. I looked up to see Zacky leaning on the door frame, arms around himself. I sighed heavily, placing my hands on the counter and turning back to the mirror in front of me.

I didn't know what to say to him about it, I didn't know how much he'd seen. I had a tendency to talk in my sleep, and talking can lead to other noises when the contents of my dreams becomes... slightly inappropriate.

I looked up slowly, my own brown eyes meeting his shining green, “Y-ya...”

“What happened?” He walked towards me, throwing his arms around my waist and pressing his head into my chest. Awkwardly, I stroked his hair, gently pushing him away from me. I sighed heavily, shying away from him and not meeting his eyes again.

After a moment, he spoke again, “Please, Brian. Did you... have a bad dream like I do?”

I winced, turning away from the sink and leaning against the counter, “Eh, sort of. It wasn't... good. I'm okay, Zee, I'll be fine.”

“Want to tell me what happened in it? I bet I can help. I have experience with bad dreams.”

I opened my mouth and closed it before opening it again, “N-Not these kind of dreams, Zack... These are... I mean, I can't explain it to a kid, okay? It's... complicated.”

“I am not a kid.” He growled, his voice hardening.

“Okay, alright,” I mumbled, “I still can't tell you. I have school today, so I'm going to get ready.”

“Kay...” He said sadly, turning and walking out.

Stupid kid. “Wait, Zacky, come back!”

He popped his head back in, giving me those puppy eyes again.

“Get over here, kid.”

Almost immediately, he perked back up, running over to me and embracing me. I shuddered softly at the friction of our bodies, not knowing if it was of disgust or longing.

~

When I got to school, Matt could immediately tell something was up. He bothered me about it almost non stop, and it annoyed the shit out of me. Half way through first period, I couldn't concentrate on anything because Matt kept asking me over and over if I was okay and what happened to me.

“God damn it!” I finally turned and stared at him, “I'm fucking fine! Jesus, leave me alone!”

“Aww, wittle Brian get dumped by his twelve year old boyfriend?” Matt taunted.

I stiffened. I couldn't take this shit. I knew Matt was just teasing me, but he was still stuck on the boyfriend thing, and it correlated to much with the night's previous dream. I shook my head, letting out a sharp growl and ignoring him. He continued pressuring me until I finally broke.

“Okay Matt, you win! I had a wet dream about a twelve year old boy! Something is seriously wrong with me! I'm crazy! I'm straight and I... he told me he had a thing for me, like his first crush, but he's fucking twelve and I'm a Senior in high school! It's sick and wrong and I need therapy! Are you fucking happy now? God damn it.”

Matt was silent and his expression changed from crude to understanding and sympathetic within seconds, “Oh my god, man, are you okay? I'm so sorry! I didn't know... Brian... Dude, that's... Whoa.”

“Ya,” I mumbled, “I don't even know what to do...”

“Did you tell him?” Matt asked.

I let out a bark of laughter, “Hell no. Tell a twelve year old you had a dream about fucking him senseless? The kid already has nightmares, this would traumatize him. I saw things, Matt, disgusting things. In the dream, I loved it. But I'm straight, I don't even know where it came from. It's freaking me out.”

“It's gonna be okay, man. I won't tell anyone, it'll be between us, and it doesn't make you gay, you were just thinking about that before you fell asleep or something and then you dreamed it. It's okay.” Matt reassured me, patting my back.

I honestly didn't know what to do at this point. So I did the one thing I had never done at school before: I paid attention to the class.

~