Status: Finished.

Made Out of Nothing (All That I Am)

To my love.

I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want to feel this way. Hell, I didn’t even know I could. Because… Well, you know. I’m not human, for God’s sake. I’m an android, built as a carrier and a simulator for the Monstar virus. You know that. I was the darkest light, the blind, emotionless one. Until I met you.

So… How did I fall in love with you? Why? I don’t even have a heart… It’s not possible, or so reason tells me… It ran through my head, for hours, days, months after it happened, that impossible question; Is this love, or just programming? I didn’t even know. All I knew was… I was scared. For the first time, I felt that I needed someone. Someone to shelter me from all that I am. I needed you.

It was odd, when I told you. As I voiced it… It was so utterly ludicrous, so impossible, that I just burst out laughing. But… Then, you, my world, misunderstood all I said. You thought it was a joke. But… I knew, there was no joke in what I meant.

Those few days after, they were… The hardest years of my existence. Knowing that you had actually felt the same way, but I’d made you think, of all things, that I was joking… It was more than I could bear. So, I ran. I gave up on you, momentarily. I gave up on all that I loved, just for a moment of clarity. To breathe, to consider, to make a life of my useless self… To make something out of nothing. I was so stupid. You’d already done that. You cleansed my useless identity… You heard my small, compacted, isolated world, heard all of its whys. And you’d fallen in love with it. Once I’d remembered that, I just couldn’t stay away…

So I came back. Hoping that in the latter half of your better judgement, you hadn’t changed your mind about me. I waited on your judgement, hoping past hope I hadn’t been blamed by you. I told myself, “There’ll be no understanding in this miracle… The worst, it always comes true.”

After that, I approached you again, apprehensively. This time, there would be no danger of me laughing at the impossibility of it all. I wouldn’t take that chance. So we discussed, and you said you needed time… Haha. In a way, it was worse than you turning around and saying you didn’t want to know me any more. The indecision, the pain of not knowing how you felt about me any more… It ate me like cancer. My mind, my machinery, the heart I thought I didn’t have - they all called for something. They called for an answer, after all that you’d done for me.

I got my answer. I am the nothing that you have saved. I love you.
♠ ♠ ♠
This was the hardest thing for me to write... I don't know, it just didn't flow the way Delta Three Six Alpha does. I enjoyed writing it though, Coheed are amazing<3. I hope it's okay. Concrit welcome xD.