She Used to Be a Pearl

I opened my eyes to find a new day.

It was still dark so I looked at my phone for the time.

7:08

I got up anyway, knowing that I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep.

I walked out into the kitchen area and looked in the fridge. I found one of those shake and bake pancake mixes and thought it would be a nice gesture to make the guys breakfast since John made dinner last night.

I filled the bottle with water and started to shake it as quietly as possible.

As I was shaking, the bus suddenly turned a sharp corner. I lost my balance and braced myself for a fall. Instead, I felt two strong arms grasp me tightly.

I looked up and saw a shirtless John with his arms around me. I immediately turned beet red. After staring for a second I regained my composure and broke free of his grasp.

"Morning." He mumbled tiredly.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you up?" I asked nervously as I poured the batter onto the small griddle.

"No, no. I didn't sleep well." He replied.

"Oh. Any particular reason?"

"Uh...Just stuff." He shrugged. "How about you?"

"Well, I'm not used to sleeping in such close quarters with so many other boys. I think I slept as well as I could have." I joked.

He smiled.

I flipped the pancakes onto a plate and grabbed a fork and knife and then set it in front of John.

He looked up at me and smiled brightly.

"Thanks babe!" He grinned.

I felt my face heat up and I turned away to avoid any further embarrassment.

"So what is the plan for today?" I asked as I made more pancakes.

"Well, we have a few interviews, soundcheck, and then we're free. I guess you can do whatever you want until you have to start merch." He shrugged.

I silently panicked.

I didn't know the first thing about selling their merchandise! I didn't even know what it looked like!

"Don't worry, I'll show you the ropes." John said, as if reading my mind.

"Thank you."

"No, thank you for these amazing pancakes!"

I smiled and continued cooking until all the batter was gone.

"Are you excited to watch our set tonight?" John asked.

"Yes. Amanda added all of your songs to my iPod before I left."

"Really? What's your favorite?" He asked.

"I really like 'If I Only Had The Heart'." I told him.

"For real? I thought you would be more into 'Whoever She Is' or 'Into Your Arms'."

"Why would you think that?"

"I don't know. You just seem like you would be into more meaningful songs." He said.

"I think 'If I Only Had The Heart' is pretty meaningful." I argued.

He just turned red and looked away.

"What did you write it about?" I asked.

"Well, I wrote the chorus about how I was going to miss my mom when I went on tour. Then I just kind of filled in the rest." He stated.

"I would have guessed it was about a girlfriend." I told him.

"I've never really had a girlfriend." He admitted.

"What?" I asked completely shocked.

"Yeah, I just never had much interest in any girl before now."

"Before now?"

His smile faded a little bit.

"I-"

"I smell food!" Garrett shouted as he walked into the kitchen.

John frowned and got up and threw his garbage away before going back to the bunk room.

I felt my heart drop in my chest.

"Would you like some pancakes?"
_________________________________

Of course fucking Garrett had to go bursting in at that moment.

I'm never going to be able to tell her how I feel.

Thoughts of her kept me up all night. I can't get her out of my head. She's just so sweet and perfect. Why would anyone ever hurt her?

I wanted to hold her and let her know that I would never let anything bad happen to her again.

I needed to let her know that I'm in love with her. I have been since I met her a year ago at a Christmas party. I wanted to talk to her all night and when I finally got close, she left. That's why I asked Amanda if she would come on tour with us. I want to get to know her so badly.

Every time I see her my heart beats so fast I think it's going to pop out of my chest.

I know that I can't let myself love her until she loves herself. That's what kills me.