Glitter Babies

Willow had finally cried herself out and she fell asleep deeply on the floor beside me. She was curled into an awkward ball and again one hand was tangled in her hair. Her parents came in quietly while an overbearing Teddy stood in the background. Louis gave me an apologetic look along with a pitiful look from Lee. They felt bad for me. I felt bad for them.

Teddy looked defeated as I carried an unconscious Wills to her bed. I tried to remember her peaceful face as I gave a determined nod to them and walked out of the door and out of the house. Not a word was said. And I don't think I could have hand handled it. If someone mentioned anything about anything I would lose it. I was tired but I couldn't sleep because as soon as I shut the door quietly behind me, I let the shitty emotion I felt ramble from my lips. The ache I was feeling needed to be wrung out and taken away because I couldn't hold on to it. My pride was the only thing that held me anchored to the tears and unfamiliar sounds erupting from my throat. I couldn't stop.

I had slid down to sit on the ground on a random spot in the house. I couldn't see what I was doing anymore. All I could do was cry. And it felt embarrassing and pathetic and good at the same time. I needed it.

I didn't even see him come because I was completely unaware of his presence in the house; I had forgotten. He sat beside me and put an arm around me. I looked up at him, his eyes for once weren't condescending or cruel, they actually held something I didn't know I wanted.

My dad cared.

I didn't know I wanted that so badly until I saw every line in his face etched with it, I needed that also.

"I'm sorry, kid," he whispered and I couldn't help the tears that came with that revelation as I nodded and said in broken, unknown sobs, "I'm sorry too, Dad."

It was the longest and shortest moment I had ever lived as I sat with my dad on the floor. It felt like an eternity that those thought pierced my mind and a fleeting second that I reconnected with my dad.

When I had finally gotten control of myself, he gave me a reassuring nod before getting up and walking back to his room. He hadn't really said much, but it was all I could take from him. I didn't know him like that. I didn't really understand him and he didn't understand me, but I knew that just like Willow said, it would work out, maybe tomorrow or maybe when I'm thirty.

It took me a long while before being able to secure my place and ready myself to make my way to my room. I closed my eyes, but I wasn't tired because I realized a strange and poignant point.

This is Willow.

The darkness was bleak and I never really thought about the fact that Willow's vision was black. I pondered it as I stood up with my eyes closed. And I felt like I was lost, even living in my house forever, couldn't prepare me for the panic that I felt as I stepped forward, trying to remember how my house worked and where I was heading. My fingers waded around in front of me and I forced myself to not open my eyes.

I made up life threatening things in my mind that would happen if I opened my eyes. I would die in a slow fire. My balls would fall off. I'd never see Willow again.

I tripped into a wall and I tried not to flash a look to help me up.

I walked blindly and I tried to put this into my mind, tried to shift it into my perspective so that I would remember how Willow's mind worked and what I didn't understand.

I fell three more times before allowing my eyes to open and then I lost consciousness. That night I had those same sparkly dreams.



When I woke up, I woke up to sounds. It was my dad laughing along with Kate. I got up and showered, quickly soaking my unwashed hair, trying to wash off the past two days.

When I stepped out, my dad looked happy and he was fucking cooking. I swear we were the Brady Bunch.
I gave him an ironic smile and he only winked.

I like to think he saw me the same way I saw him in that very moment.

Willow came around later that afternoon. She looked downtrodden and her clothes were messy and unmatched, "My mom didn't help me pick out my clothes today," she explained, tugging on her bright red shirt and mossy green sweatshirt.

She scrunched her nose and I smiled a little.

She held out her hand for me to take and I did. It was small, golden and freckled and I liked it. I wished she realized just how beautiful she was and just how great the sun made her hair shine. I wanted her to see the bright things. But all she saw was unremarkable glitter coming from me. I thought that sounded insane and unfitting. But somehow, it made sense because I saw glitter too.

Willow took a deep breath as she stepped forward into the house. Her tangled hair wafted lilacs in my direction and I shook it off. She cleared her throat.

"I dreamed about you last night," she said. It was bright and clear, she was sure.

"And how do you know it was me?" I asked.

"I know because I know," she whispered.

"Because?"

"God told me it was you," she murmured.

"You saw God, too?" I asked skeptically.

"No. I heard him."

"And what else did he say?"

She looked at me with ardent eyes and her small hand went up to my face before planting a small kiss on my cheek.

"Take care of your glitter baby."