When You Look Me In The Eyes

As we pulled up to our new house I looked at it amazed. It was beautiful. Once we got out of the car we started unloading our personal items. All of our other stuff had already been shipped here and unpacked. All we had to do was get comfortable. With in an hour Lilly and I started wondering the neighborhood. I pulled out a cigarette and lit it up. As I breathed in the nicotine my nerves were immediately calmed. Once I breathed out the smoke I could smell it. That calmed me down even more. I love the smell of cigarette smoke.

Lilly and I stopped and looked at the first house. It was even more amazing then ours. Whoever lived here were our neighbors. I just hoped they wouldn’t be stuck up. We kept on walking, admiring every house. Soon we decided to start heading back. Once again we walked by the house next to ours. But instead of no one being outside like when we first walked by, we saw a boy about our age getting out of his car. We kept on walking and once we got to our porch we heard someone yelling at us. We looked around and noticed it was the boy.

“Yeah?” Lilly asked.
“So you’re our new neighbors?” He asked.
“I guess.” She said. Lets get one thing straight, I’m not to keen on talking to people especially ones I don’t know. Now before you start thinking that I’m one of those girls who listens to their parents about not talking to stranger, I’m not. I just don’t like to talk to people. Anybody. Unless, I know you well.
“I’m Nick and you are?” He asked.
“Lilly.” She said.
“Poppy.” I said taking my eyes off of him.
“Well it’s nice to meet you two. Are you guys from around here?” He asked.
“Yeah.” We both said.
“That’s cool. My family and I just moved in a few weeks ago.” He said and I nodded my head. Then Lilly made up a lame excuse for us to leave. When we got inside our home we found dinner on the table. It was take out. Again. As much as I love Mrs. Trescott, I miss my own mom. I remember every night my mom would make a home cooked meal. And if she was leaving then she would make stuff and freeze it. Oh how I missed that. But I shook the memories out of my head and ate the food.

That night I went to bed only to wake up hours later from the nightmares. It was so clear it seemed real. The pain seemed real. I sat up at started crying. I knew no one would hear me. Lilly was a deep sleeper and her mom wasn’t home. Soon the crying gave me a head ache and the pressure became too much to handle. I grabbed my cigarettes and my lighter and left my room. I walked down stairs and out the door. I ended up sitting on the side walk watching cars go by.

I was able to calm myself but I still had the pressure in my head. I lit up a cigarette and took a long hit. After a few hits I still couldn’t feel it. I smoked the entire cigarette to its filter. Then I lit up another one. And another one. And another one until my entire pack was gone. I felt kind of light headed but other wise I was fine. I put my lighter in my pocket and through my pack on the street. I sat there for a couple of minutes not even thinking. Then all of a sudden someone sat next to me.

“Man you wreak.” Nick said sitting down. I just looked at him with my eyes glazed over.
“So what are you doing out here?” He asked. I just shrugged. Honestly I didn’t know anymore. Why did I come out here, I wondered.
“Are you ok?” He asked.
“Yeah.” I spoke.
“So Lilly is your sister?” He asked trying to make conversation.
“No, we’re best friends. But I live with her and her mom.” I said.
“Oh. I have three brothers.” He said.
“I have one brother and one sister.” I said.
“Really? Well where are they?” He asked confused.
“My sister is in Big Bear with her boyfriend and my brother lives a few miles away. There both older.” I said.
“Two of my brothers are older and one is younger.” He said.
“Well I better go inside.” I said getting up. I didn’t want this conversation to get any deeper. He already new too much.
“Ok. I’ll see you later then. Hey do you want to come over tomorrow? You can bring Lilly.” He asked hopeful. I just shrugged my shoulders and walked inside. I didn’t know if I would go or not. Once I got inside I got a glass of water and chugged it. I hadn’t realized how thirsty I was. Then it hit me. I was dehydrated so that’s why the nicotine didn’t hit me so hard. But now it did, like a brick wall. I was immediately tired. I got in bed and fell asleep with Nick’s words replaying over and over again.