What You Mean to Me

Lena.

When we got to Mikey's place, Frank immediately went down to the basement where Gerard was waiting for him. I stood by the entrance of the living room, leaning against the wall, watching Mikey play a video game.

"Are you gonna stand there all day?" Mikey asked, eyes still on the screen. When I didn't respond, he paused the game, and looked up at me. Then he notice the distressed look on my face. "Lena, babe, what's wrong?"

"I need to talk to you," I whispered.

Mikey led me up the stairs to his room, closing the door softly before joining me on the edge of his bed. He took one of my hands in his, looking worried.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "Is everything okay?"

"Me and Jordan are done," I said.

"Really? Well that's good-- wonderful, really. I never really liked the guy."

I couldn't help smiling.

"So I take it that isn't what you're looking so confused…" Mikey nudged me. "What's going on?"

"After you called telling me and Frank to come over, I, um…" I was having difficulty saying this. "Frank and I… we… um… almost kissed."

Mikey smiled at that, looking quite amused. "Really now…" he leaned back. "well that's good isn't it?"

"Well… we almost kissed, yeah, but Frank… he was… kissing and sucking on my neck, and…" I let my voice trail off, giving a small smile.

"Well… did you like it?" Mikey asked.

I nodded. "Mikey, you know I did…"

"Then what's the big deal?" He asked.

"I just… Frank's my best friend… and… I… I don't know… It doesn't seem right."

"How does it not seem right? It's not like either of you have someone you're with. And you love him, remember?"

"Shhh!" I snapped upon him saying the word love. "Don't say that! If Frank found out--"

"I don't think he would freak as much as you think," Mikey told me.

"What?"

Mikey shrugged. "I didn't say anything… nothing… just… don't worry about it. I mean, if he was kissing you, and you enjoyed it, there's nothing wrong…"

He must have noticed that I still wasn't at ease.

"You know what your problem is?" he asked. "You think too much about this entire situation with Frank. You're trying to think your way through it, trying to put logic with it, when you really can't. Things like this can't be thought out. You just have to go with how you feel… if you think it out, you're just gonna end up even more confused. So stop thinking, and start feeling."

Mikey got up at walked out of his room, leaving me there to think about what he had just said.

"Dammit, I hate it when he's right!" I yelled, throwing myself back onto his bed with an exasperated sigh.

"Hate it when who's right?" Frank asked poking his head in.

I smiled at him. "Hey Iero."

"What are you doing?" he asked coming over and lying next to me on his side so he could look at me.

I just stared at him, into his eyes, taking in every single detail about this face as I had done countless times before. He was truly gorgeous, absolute perfection.

It hurt so much to look at him, want him so much, but know that I could never have him. I was living in a state of constant pain, and I really couldn't deal with it any more.

"Frank, do you remember a few years ago how I just stopped talking to you?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said. "Of course I remember that. You never did tell me why you just stopped acknowledging me for that little time."

"I'm so sorry Frank," I said.

"For that?" He shrugged. "It's no big deal. I mean, you came around again, and here we are now. You don't have to apologize."

"Yeah, I do," I said. "I'm sorry. And I'm sorry I have to do it again."

Frank looked at me quizzically. "What are you talking about?"

I stared at him a moment longer, feeling my heart explode in my chest. "Get out of my life, Frank Iero."

Frank continued to stare at me confused, then the confusion slowly melted away, turning into shock, the pain that was seeping into his eyes as he realized what that meant.

"Wait, Lena, no--"

But he was too late, because I got up, rushing out of the room, and out of the Way house, and away from my best friend and the love of my life, Frank Iero.