What You Mean to Me

Frank.

What. The. Hell.

Lena had walked out of my life, and I just let her.

It had been about two weeks, almost three, since Lena walked out of Mikey's room after telling me that I needed to get out of her life, and I haven't heard from or seen her since.

She won't answer my phone calls, she won't open her door, nothing. I've left enough messages on her phone so that I only get the electronic voice saying the mail box is full. I've gone to her house, banging on her front door, threatening to break it down, but she does nothing. I've stood outside her window countless nights throwing pebbles at it, hoping she would sick her head out, and even yell an insult at me, but she doesn't.

I can get no response from her.

She really has cut me out of her life again.

And I don't know what I'm gonna do.

The smoking didn't help.

I started drinking more, and that didn't help either-- just made me feel even more hollow inside. And then I would be left completely wasted, crying on the floor of my room… or at the Way's, with the two brothers trying to pull me together with no such luck.

Mikey and Gerard were really starting to worry about me.

Hell, I was really starting to worry about me.

I was pathetic…

I was ridiculous…

I was a disaster…

I was losing my mind, and I needed help.

No, not help-- I needed my Lena. I needed her back in my life.

"I need her," I cried, tears falling from my eyes as I rocked back and forth on the floor of Mikey's room. "I need her with me… I need her…"

Gerard and Mikey exchanged glances before trying to pull me up.

"No…" I moaned. "No, I don't… no…"

I wasn't drunk. I had given up the drinking thing 'cause it really wasn't working for me. It wasn't taking the pain away, and it just left me with massive hangovers in the morning.

"Frank, you gotta pull yourself together, man, seriously," Gerard looked scared as he kneeled beside me.

"No…" I shook my head. "I don't want to… you guys don't get it… you don't know how much I love Lena, how much she means to me…"

"Frank, we do," Mike assured me. "We do. We can see the way you look at her. We know how much you love her… trust me, we know…"

"I hate this," I murmured, wiping away the tears roughly. "I hate feeling so goddamn weak…"

"It's okay," Mikey placed his hand on my shoulder reassuringly. "Me and Gerard are here for you…"

"Yeah, we're your boys, yo."

I couldn't help laughing at Gerard's attempt to sound gangster.

"Hey, at least I got him to laugh," Gerard shrugged. "That's one accomplishment."

I sighed, leaning my head back against Mikey's bed, staring at the ceiling. "Where'd I go wrong? I thought I knew Lena… that I understood her better than anyone else in the world… but I don't get this… why would she just walk away from me like that? It doesn't make any sense…"

I saw Mikey and Gerard exchange glances, but shrugged it off.

"Maybe she just thinks this is best for the both of you," Mikey suggested.

"Yeah… just when you think you've got girls figured out, you don't… Damn, I really need to rethink my life…" I stood up, walking towards the door. "I need a smoke. You guys wanna join me?"

"We're good," Gerard said.

"Yeah, we'll wait here," Mikey added.

I shrugged. "Suit yourselves."