What You Mean to Me

Lena.

I stood in my room, moping around like I had been for the past few weeks. I was staring out the window at Frank's house longingly, missing my best friend. There was a loud crack of lightning, followed by a downpour of rain, soaking the streets of Jersey below me.

Frank's room was dark, and I wanted nothing more than to see him, hold him…

But that wasn't going to happen, mostly because I was avoiding him. Frank had been calling and texting me nonstop, almost breaking down my front door when I didn't respond to them.

I just blocked him out.

But he hadn't tried to contact me for the last three days. And I was in even more pain than before.

Why did I have to love my best friend? It would never work between us, I know that.

We're best friends.

I sighed, looking at some pictures of the two of us, tears falling from my eyes. I'm surprised that I even have tears left after all the crying I've been doing lately.

I threw the pictures across the room, in frustration and anger, screaming many profanities in the process, before placing my hands on my head and crying once again.

I was a mess, I'll admit it.

Usually I'm the girl who always had it together, but not this time.

I was pushing away the guy I love because I know I can never be with him, and I am in so much agony, that it is close to unbearable. No, it is unbearable.

I began screaming Frank's name over and over again, starting to throw pillows and other things all over the place, wanting to tear my heart out to end my suffering. I let out one more scream before collapsing on the floor again, sobbing.

"Why are you punishing me God?" I whispered. "Why?"

I wasn't religious at all, so knowing that I was talking to God clearly showed that I was that desperate to get rid of the pain.

"What did I do wrong?" I asked. "Why am I feeling like this? Why do I have to be in love with Frank when he is only my best friend? Is this some kind of sick joke? Are you trying to test me? What is it God, what is it? Why are you punishing me? What did I do wrong?" I began screaming at my ceiling, and I'm sure if anyone could see or hear me, they would have thought that I had lost it.

"I love him…" I whispered again, tears falling. "I love Frank so much… I would do anything for him… why does it have to be this way?"

Then my phone suddenly rang. I wiped away the tears, straightening up, before picking it up. "Hello?" I sounded perfectly fine. Good.

"Elena Isabella Morena Haas, what the hell is wrong with you?" Mikey shouted from the other end.

"I'm sorry?" I asked confused for why he was shouting and why he had just called me by my full name.

"What is your problem?" He yelled again, only adding many other colorful words. "Why are you doing this to Frank?"

"I…"

"He's falling apart! Why did you just block him out, shove him away? Are you insane? What is wrong with you? How could you do that? Are you--"

"Because I can't be with him!" I yelled, cutting him off. "Frank is my best friend, Mikey. I love him. I can't go through the pain of having to only think of him as a friend anymore, so I had to push him away… I can't live… I can't live with him in my life only as my friend… but I can't live without him, either… Mikey, don't you get it? I'm a mess right now… do you actually think I'm holding up here?…" I was crying again.

The other end was silent before I heard Mikey sigh. "Silly girl… Lena, don't you get it?" he asked, putting extra emphasis on the 'you'. "Frank loves you."

My breath caught in my throat and I began to choke. "W-what?" I asked in a state of astonishment.

"He loves you," Mikey repeated. "Frank loves you… and you have no idea how crazy he has been without you."

"Mikey…" I gasped. "I…"

"Please just go find Frank and tell him that you love him before he throws himself in front of a train," Mikey begged. "I don't want to loose one of my best friends, or even worse, both, over something as stupid as the two of them loving each other more than life itself, and not having the guts to say it to one another."

"Thank you," I whispered before hanging up the phone.

I pulled on a black zip up jacket before running downstairs and out my door, through the pouring rain, and across the street to Frank's house. I banged on the door, probably much harder than I should have, before his mom opened the door looking shocked.

"Lena, honey, hi, how are you?" She asked then noticed I was wet. "Honey, you're soaked, come in and dry off--"

"Where's Frank?" I asked cutting her off.

"Uh, I believe he went over to Mikey's place a few hours ago," she said.

"Thanks," I smiled in appreciation before bolting back out into the storm.

"Lena! Is everything okay?" She shouted after me.

"Fine, I promise! Thanks!" I called back.

I had to get to the Way's house, and fast.