What You Mean to Me

Lena.

I sat at a pizza parlor with Frank and Mikey one Saturday night, enjoying a late meal. Taking another bite of my cheese pizza slice, I noticed that Mikey wan no longer eating, but staring across the room, staring off into space.

"Mikes?" I tapped his shoulder.

"Huh?" He snapped his head around, looking at me like he had no idea what was going on.

"You okay?" I asked.

He nodded, a bit too abruptly. "Yeah. Fine. Just… fine."

I glanced at Frank, who shared the same questioning look as he swallowed what was in his mouth.

"Mikey, what is it?" He asked.

"Oh, well…" Mikey bit his lip, looking back and forth between us. "Gerard told me not to say anything. He wanted to be the one to tell you at our next practice… but it's eating me alive from the inside."

"Mikey, what is it? Is everything okay? What's wrong?" Frank asked more urgently.

"I… you guys have to promise that you won't tell Gerard I told you this."

Frank nodded, and I said I promised.

"Okay, well… Frank, we got signed!" Mikey burst.

"What?" Frank and I yelled together.

"We got signed!" Mikey repeated. "Our band-- we got a record deal!"

"Oh my god!" I yelled.

"No way!" Frank yelled.

I hugged Frank and Mikey both, congratulating them.

They got a record deal. That was amazing and I was so proud of them. They guys worked themselves into the ground when practicing, and to know that it was all going to pay off by this deal-- well, as I said, it was amazing.

The glow on Frank's face was unexplainable. He looked so happy. I know that playing guitar was one of his passions, something he loved to do, and to know that he was getting the opportunity to do what he loved most, I couldn't have been more happy or excited for him.

"Lena, I love you."

I looked over at Frank, noticing the quiet, timid tone he was using. He never used a tone like that. I set the DVD case back down on the shelf before crawling into his bed with him, where I had been before.

"And I love you too," I said. "Frank, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" he asked.

"because you look afraid, baby," I told him. "What is it?"

Frank slid his arm around me, pulling my body closer to his, sighing. "Lena…" He looked as if he didn't know what to say. "This record deal… I'm not sure I want it anymore."

I looked at him like he had three heads. "What? Are you crazy? Why would you say that? All you're ever wanted, since you were five years old, was to become a rock star. And you were so happy last week when Mikey told you… What makes you change your mind now?"

He sighed again. "The though of losing you."

Now I understood. Frank was afraid because of me.

"Frank, no," I shook my head. "Don't… don't do this. Don't give up your dream for me."

"But you are my dream," he said. "All I want in this world is you. Everything else is secondary. If I go with the guys to LA next week, leaving you here, I risk losing you forever. I'm not gonna risk it. I've had to spend all of my life that I have known you on the sidelines, not being able to be with you. Now that I finally have you, I'm not gonna jeopardize this over something as stupid as a record deal."

"Frank, listen to me, please… You are not going to lose me. I love you more than life itself, and I'm not going to leave you. If you go to LA, I'm not going to disappear. I will stay here, waiting for you. I won't go.

"And you think that the record deal is stupid? Baby, like I said, you have wanted this since we were kids. People don't get these chances everyday. Only those few selected people have the chance to make it big, playing music. And you love playing guitar. You're great at it. This is your chance to do what you have always wanted to do. You need to take this opportunity, and make the best of it."

"But you won't be there with me," he said quietly.

"But I'll be here," I told him. "Waiting. Waiting for you… Frank, I can see it in your eyes that you really want to go and do this. So go. Don't hold yourself back."

Frank reached out and held the side of my face, pressing our foreheads together. "I don't want to leave you."

"You won't," I said. "You won't leave me. No matter where you go, you will always have a part of me with you… you always have Frank. I love you."