To Have And To Hold

I let my mind wander as the warm water covered my body. I ran my hands through my hair a few more times before turning the water off. I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body. I looked in the mirror. I saw my face. My eyes were blood shot from crying. I was very pale. I saw my mothers face in my own. And my world came crashing around me.

“Jess?” I heard my boyfriend Garrett calling my name, but I didn’t move. I didn’t open my eyes. I didn’t make a sound. I laid there on the bathroom floor. Wrapped in my towel. I heard his footsteps getting closer and closer.

“Oh, baby!” Garrett gasped. He bent down and picked me up. Carrying me into our bedroom bridal style. I wrapped my arms around his neck. Holding onto him, sobbing into his chest. He set me down onto the bed, but I didn’t let go.

“Sweetie, let me go. I’m going to get you some clothes, then I’ll hold you. I promise.” He kissed my cheek lightly.

I nodded slowly, wiping my cheek with my hand. He walked over to the dresser and pulled out some clothes. He went into his drawer and got me my favorite shirt of his. He walked back over to the bed and helped me get myself dressed.

When I was fully clothed he laid down next to me, pulling me close to his body. I laid my head on him, letting my eyes roll back in my head as he played with my hair.

I hear him whisper I love you in my ear every few minutes. He’d kiss my cheek and rub my arm. Did anything he possibly could to make me feel better.

I was so thankful for him. I would have never been able to get through this without him. He was my rock. My heart and my soul. He was my everything. Without him I am nothing.

When my parents died, my whole would crashed down around me. I could barely get out of bed. I didn’t want to eat. I didn’t talk to anyone. I slept. All day. It’s all I did.

If it weren’t for Garrett finding me that night. I don’t know what would’ve happened. I was seconds away from swallowing an entire bottle of sleeping pills, but he walked in just as I opened the bottle. I took that as a sign.

I woke up, Garrett’s arms were still around me. Holding me close to his body. I looked up at him, his face looked so troubled. I was causing him so much pain. He loved me so much, and I couldn’t get myself out of this funk and be happy again.

It pained him to see me like this. I know it did. But I just couldn’t pull myself out of Wonderland and get on with my life. I couldn’t. Not without them. I looked down at the ring on my finger. We were suppose to be getting married soon. But I had called it off because of the accident. I knew how much it hurt him to keep waiting and waiting for me to finally set a new date. I sighed and kissed him softly. His eyes fluttered open. He smiled that beautiful smile I love. And for the first time in a very long time, I smiled.

“I love you Honey Bear.” He whispered, kissing my forehead.

I half smiled and snuggled my head into his neck. “I love you too, Garrbear.” I held onto him tight, then sat up. “I’m sorry you’ve had to see me like this. I’m sorry I’ve been hurting you with everything. I’m sorry I can’t seem to get on with my life,” I glanced at my ring. “our life.”

Garrett sighed and rubbed my arm. “Baby, I will wait forever for you. You need some time you’ve been going through a lot. Everything will be fine soon. You just need your time. I will always be here for you. I will always love you, and I will be ready when you are.” He kissed me softly.

“Now I know you’re hungry. Let me go make you something to eat.” He started to get up.

I bit my lip and pulled at his arm. “I’ll help..” I looked up at him.

He smiled and nodded. “Sounds good to me.”

I half smiled and stood up, following him into the kitchen and helping him make dinner. Maybe things would get better sooner rather than later.

I knew very few things for sure. One was that I loved Garrett with all my heart. Two was that I couldn’t wait until we were married. And Three was that I missed my parents more than anything in the world.

I couldn’t help but wonder. Is this how they wanted me to live? To never leave my house? To cause people so much pain? To put off the one thing I’ve been dreaming of since I was a little girl? No.

I looked up at Garrett after finishing my mac and cheese. “March 5th. That’s when I want to get married.”

The smile that came across his face was bigger than the damn milky way. It made my heart smile.

This was it. My time to shine. Our new beginning. I was finally starting the rest of my life. With the loss of two amazing people, but I was gaining the most amazing person on this planet. And he was mine. To have and to hold, till death do us part.

“You may kiss the bride.” Pastor Mark smiled.

The smile on my face grew as Garrett’s lips connected with mine. The perfect kiss, with the perfect guy. The perfect ending to the beginning of a whole new me.