Word Behind My Wall

Sitting in the fields of grass look up toward the sky I could feel the warm air all around me, the wind blowing to the right making the grass lend on me. The clouds slowly moving along to the point you couldn’t tell if the clouds were moving at all. Everyday I come out here when the sun is slowly going in but the sun still lights up the sky. I was never like this I never use to sit in the field all alone. I had friends to share this moment with but some how long the years everything started to fade.

I lost friends I build a wall around my world I stop letting friends in. Some where in the years all my friends faded out tried of being outside of my wall instead of being let inside where I felt safe.
No one has ever seen my world around my wall I keep my world close off from every one. All I have is my world on this earth. I have no idea what went wrong or even why I started to build this wall around my world, maybe I was tired of being hurt.

It seems like I was always getting hurt in some way possible some one would find a way to hurt me, I’ve been hurt by friends even the people I loved the most. I’ve been in love before every day I wish I could take it back, everyone tells me I was too young to fall in love, for once I would agree. Building this wall is for me to feel safe to block myself from the world; I’m not ready to face the world on my own. In times, I think I will never be ready to face the world on my own, that I will forever live behind this wall.

In my dream world is a place where no one could hurt me, to sit in fields all day to daydream maybe that is the world I’m living in now except the part people hurting me. I’m the one who is always getting hurt no matter how hard I try I get hurt. I push people out of my world so the hurting would stop, at times I do get lonely I get tired of being by myself but I know it’s for the best.

At times I feel like I’m the only person in the world who feels the same, I never meant someone who knows how I feel. Everyone says “It’s a teenager thing” that once I grow up I’ll be normal again. I wish people wouldn’t relate everything to a teenager thing it’s more then that. I also never understood the world normal; I don’t think anyone is normal. Every person is strange or weird in his or her own way, no one is normal.

As I lay in the field watching the clouds go on by, and daydream the day away. I know one day I will be able to see my world behind my wall.