Anywhere but Here

“Tom?” I heard someone call out.

Looking away from Brandon's motionless form on the bed, I saw Bill standing in the door way. “Come in,” I quietly said and looked back at Brandon. It has been a good fifteen minutes since I was left alone in the room with my son, to Bill's want. After my breakdown, he said it would be the best to get myself composed again. My brother did a good thing seeing that it worked. I've been able to calm down and finally get a grip of what was going on.

“I thought about something,” my twin said quietly, after sitting next to me in the extra chair.

“What is it?” I asked, still not looking away from Brandon.

“I – I think you should talk to mom,” he said in the same tone.

“Talk to mom?” I asked, confusingly. “About what?”

“You know... about the last argument that happened between you two.”

I immediately turned my head to the right and stared at my brother.

“Wh—what?” I stuttered.

“Tom, you know what I'm talking about,” Bill said, placing his hand on my back.

I shook my head, setting my gaze back on Brandon.”You think I should?” I said, in a faint whisper.

“Tom,” Bill sternly said which made me look at him. “We both know it's what you want and we both know it will be a good thing.”

Nodding my head a little, I quietly said, “It's almost been a month.”

“It has,” he said, rubbing his hand on my back. “How about I stay here with Gordon to keep an eye on Brandon while you and mom go get something to eat and talk, hm?”

I hesitantly looked at Brandon but nodded and slowly got up from my seat with Bill doing the same. “Bill, hold on,” I said, making him turn around. “What if – what if she doesn't want to speak to me? What if she doesn't accept my apologies and is still mad at me?”

“Tom, she's your mother, our mother. She will never be mad at us for the rest of our lives, we're her sons,” my brother said, hugging my close.

“Yeah...” I whispered, hugging him back.

“Now come on,” he said, pulling away after a moment. “I can feel your stomach being empty and I don't like it.”

I gave him a faint smile and nodded as we both got to the door. Mom and Gordon were sitting outside of the room on chairs that were there. When mom saw us, she quietly got up from her seat, with Gordon following suit after.

“I—I thought that we could uh, get something to eat and you know... talk,” I said, looking at my mom. “The two of us.”

Nodding slightly, she wrapped an arm around me as we started to walk towards the elevator.

I couldn't help but feel nervous and think over and over again about that night.

“Tom,” looking up from the floor, I noticed mom's hand comfortably placed on my shoulder. “What's wrong?”

“I just – I don't know,” I said, letting out a shaky breath and shrugged my shoulders a little.

“Tom, baby, talk to me,” mom placed both of her hands on my shoulders and rested her head on my shoulder as we walked into the cafeteria.

“Can we just... get something to eat first?” I quietly asked, glancing at her at my left.

“Of course, honey,” she quietly said, giving me a small smile.

After ordering ourselves a chicken burger and a soup, we sat down comfortably to a table, next to a window where we could see the yard of the hospital. We both started to eat quietly, just waiting. My mom was waiting for me to speak first and I was waiting to gain a bit of confidence and be able to talk to her about it.

A few minutes passed until I let out a shaky breath and placed my spoon down. “Okay,” I quietly said, nodding my head. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Mom swallowed her bite and nodded. “What is it, baby?”

“I wanted to.. apologize for the – the night of Jacob's funeral, where we had an argument. I really wa –”

I was cut off by my mom placing her cold hand on my forearm, shushing me. “It's okay, Tom,” she said, nodding her head, with tears in her eyes.

“No, mom! It's not,” I whispered and met her gaze.

Closing my eyes, I couldn't help but think about that night all over again.

~The night of Jacob's funeral~

“Tom,” Simone said, placing a hand on her son's back, who was sitting outside on the stairs in the yard of his house. The look her son gave her as he met her gaze broke her heart. He looked so sad, weak and empty, as if he was going to collapse anytime soon. “Sweetie, Gordon and I are leaving,” she said.

Everyone was now gone and the only ones left were his brother, his mom and his step-dad. And of course, his only son left: Brandon.

“M'kay,” Tom stuttered, pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand as he got up from his sitting position.

“I – I'm going to take Brandon for the night, okay?” she said quietly, trying to make herself small in fear of bothering him in his thoughts.

“What?!” the man quickly exclaimed. “You aren't taking him!”

“Tom, it's only for the night. I think it'll be best f – ” Simone was cut off by Tom scoffing.

“It'll not be for the best!” he said, facing his mother. “It won't bring Jacob back.”

“Tom, please don't...” the elderly woman whispered, seeing the hurt in his eyes as she started to walk back inside the house.

“Is everything okay?” Brandon quietly said, only for his grandmother to hear. She nodded her head weakly and gave him a small smile.

“Mom!” Tom said as she stumbled his way into the house. “You are not taking Brandon tonight.”

“Tom, I think this is a good idea,” Bill said and came to stand next to his brother.

“Shut up, Bill!” Tom exclaimed, looking at his brother.

“Tom,” Gordon said, stepping in the conversation.

“Fuck all of you!” Tom snapped, looking back at the people standing in front of him. “Nobody is taking Brandon tonight! He's all I have left. You can't take him away from me just like that! He's my son!” he angrily yelled, making his own son jump a little.

“It's okay, grandma,” the young teen said, looking up at Simone. “I'll stay here.”

As Simone was saying something to Brandon, Tom completely ignored her and cut her off. “You and Gordon can both leave my house now!”

“What?” Simone quietly asked, looking back at her son.

“I said, you can leave my house now!” he said, not pleased with the fact that he had to repeat himself. “Leave for fuck sakes! I don't want you guys here anymore, trying to take my son away!” the man stuttered.

Simone just nodded her head slightly and turned around, trying to hide the tears that had started to fall down her beautiful face. She grabbed her husband's arm, indicating him to come with her but he didn't move. Instead, he opened his mouth and looked back at his step-son. “You don't really mean that, do you?”

“Hell yeah I do!” Tom snapped and took a long sip of his beer.

“Fine then!” Gordon snapped back. “But when we'll walk out that door, don't expect us to come back!”

“That's perfect! Fucking perfect!” the man yelled, smashing his bottle to the ground. “I don't need you guys anyway! I can do it on my own!”

~End~

“Tom, I understand,” mom whispered quietly. “It had been a long night and you had some drinks which didn't help,” she said, and placed her hand on my back as she now sat next to me.

“I'm really sorry, mom,” I said, wiping my eyes and looked at her. “You know that I didn't meant a word I said, right?”

“Of course, Tom!” she said, stroking the flesh of my neck like she used to do when I was younger.

“Oh god,” I quickly turned to my left and wrapped my long arms around her neck, bringing her in a tight hug. “I know you're still upset with me by the fact that I didn't even call the next days or tried to fix it. I just went downward and I am so sorry,” I cried.

“My baby,” she whispered, burying her face in my neck and wrapped her arms around my torso. “It's gonna be okay. Everything's gonna be okay.”

In that moment, I had a little hope for the first time in a month and a half.

I had hope that everything was eventually going to be alright.