Baby Steps

Alex could distinctively hear Jack’s slapping footsteps across his marble kitchen floor behind him as Alex made his way towards the backyard to maul things over. A million different emotions flew through his body as he tried to absorb the information that was just given to him. His band mates, his best friends had completely betrayed them. Ever since he had left Alaska to fend for herself they had been speaking to her privately, lying to him about their whereabouts, visiting his son.

Alex’s breathe caught in his throat as the word rang loud in his ears like a booming fire alarm. He had a son. A baby boy. Even though the sting of betrayal and hurt was a fresh wound for some reason a small smile tugged at the corner of his up-turned lips. Alex briefly let his mind ponder on what his son would appear like. He quickly did the math in his head and came out with that Noah would be approximately six years old. A flash of a child that age formed momentarily and he couldn’t stop the grin that covered his entire face until he frowned with the realization that Noah was six. Alex had missed an entire six years of his own son’s life. Alex never knew a life without his own father and he couldn’t imagine what his own son’s life was like without him.

Alex was so utterly engrossed in a trance that he didn’t even realize that Jack was watching him from the back door. “Alex?” The request was hesitant.

Jack’s voice brought him back in reality and the pain started to blossom once again. He spun around, his brown eyes wide with disbelief. Jack visibly flinched under his best friend’s gaze. Jack wasn’t used to Alex being angry. He was usually mellow, never too happy but never too depressed. Anger was an emotion Alex tried to repress from inflicting on his peers but he couldn’t hold back the dark emotions that had bubbled up from the years of no use. Alex was basically a ticking time bomb and apparently it was his time to explode.

“How could you hide something like that from me? Something this important? You don’t think I should have known?!”

Jack made a disgusted face, “Do you want me to answer that question honestly?”By now the rest of the All Time Low boys including Matt and Vinny stood behind Jack peering over his shoulder to catch glimpses of the enraged Alex.

Alex kicked a piece of upturned grass in vexation, “No. How stupid of me. I want you to lie!” He spat out sarcastically with enough venom that it could easily match a pythons.

“If you seriously want the honest answer than no. I don’t think you should have known. You walked away from Alaska, remember?”Jack sneered, eyeing Alex narrowly.

Jack knew he had hit a soft spot. They had never talked about the break-up between Alex and Alaska. The reason being that Alex wasn’t familiar with the fact that Jack knew the real reason all along. Alex had lied and said they had a disagree which led to a heartbreaking end but it was for the best. Alex never elaborated on his story because he detested lying to his friends. But he was ashamed of what he had done. How do you tell your best friends that you had abandoned your pregnant girlfriend with no money whatsoever? You don’t. You lie through your teeth until you can’t lie anymore. Until you’re overwhelmed with lies that it creates an endless web that can’t be traced.

“Of course I remember that. How could I not?” Alex’s breathing came out ragged and in harsh gasps.

He was roughly clenching and unclenching his fists. He never realized how one person could be so angry. It wasn’t even that he was angry at Jack or the rest of his friends. He was angry at himself. Angry at the fact that he had caused himself these emotions. If he had just stayed with Alaska, the woman he truly loved, he would be happy right now. Not fighting with his friends. The people who made him smile everyday. But he needed this. He needed this release. Alex had bottled up these feelings for so long he didn’t care who he took it out on.

Someone snorted, “Clearly you did. You just went off on your happy little life spree. You got what you wanted didn’t you? You got the fame. But can you seriously say that you are happy right now?” This time it wasn’t Jack who spoke but instead it was Zack. He was usually quiet but Alaska was like a baby sister to him. This situation had effected all of them. They were all linked together whether they wanted it or not.

Alex had already answered this question in his mind but he wasn’t about to let them get the best out of him.

“Yes I’m happy. I’ve got a great girlfriend. I’m famous. I have money. I’ve never been more happy.” He lied falsely through grinding teeth; biting sharply on his tongue enough to draw blood.

There was no point to it because they were practically his family. They had been with Alex through thick and thin. It didn’t help that Alex wore his heart on his sleeve. He was an open book for anyone to read.

Zack shook his head back and forth furiously, “You’re such a fucking liar!” He yelled, not caring who heard him in the closed off neighborhood.

“I’m the liar?!” Alex paused catching his heaving breathe, “You guys hid this from me for six years! You’re supposed to be my best friends. Not hers. You lied to me about this.”

“We never lied to you” Rian stressed, “We just never confided in you and don’t turn this around on us! You’re just to blame as we are. You kept in the fact that you left Alaska vulnerable and alone.”

Alex groaned, “Oh because that’s just so much better!” He tugged on his hair, a nervous habit he had accumulated over the years.

“You do know what it’s even been like for us?” Jack began again, “Do you know what it’s like to see someone you love cry on your shoulder begging you to know why her life turned out the way it did? Noah turned six this year you know and now he sometimes asks about his father. Alaska used to call me on the phone in tears because she had no idea what to tell her son, Alex! How do you tell a six year old boy that he doesn’t have a father because he didn’t want him!”

The confession felt like a blow to his stomach. He could never handle Alaska in tears. If there was one thing Alex loathed in this world was when Alaska was distressed. Even when he left her he had to drag his body out of the house telling himself over and over again that it was for the best.

“It has nothing to do with me anymore!” Alex retorted with a vicious vengeance.

“But it has everything to do with you, Alex! I can see how much it really bothers you that some other guy right this second could have already taken your place as Noah’s father. I know it kills you to even think about having your son call some stranger ‘daddy’ while Alaska kissed him and loved him.” Jealously boiled dangerously in the pit of Alex’s stomach as a vivid image of Alaska kissing some other guy who wasn’t him sprawled across his line of vision.

Why did he even care? Alex had found himself someone else even if she would only be around for a little while. Alaska could do whatever she wanted but for some reason he didn’t like the idea of having her wrapped up in another man’s arms. Alex wanted that family with Alaska. He had it first.

Alex had to retaliate. He wouldn’t admit that he was wrong because that would mean admitting that his entire life had been filled with deception.

“How do you know that Noah is even mine?” It seemed like time froze, there was no movement or sound as soon as the words poured out of his mouth like word vomit. All of a sudden a fist collided with the side of his cheek and sent Alex flying face first into the murky dirt soil underneath his feet.

Alex sat up slowly wincing as he rubbed his no doubt blood red cheek with the back of his hand. A crimson liquid stained his pale hands as he lifted it to his eyes to inspect. He raised his head to see Jack glaring murderously at Alex with no remorse in his eyes. Alex didn’t bother to look at the rest of the audience behind Jack because he knew they wore similar expressions.

“How fucking dare you accuse Alaska of doing something like that. She isn’t like you.” Zack voiced.

“Alaska’s never lied once in her life. And we’ve seen Noah remember?” Jack piped up with a mocking smile.

“He looks exactly like you.” Jack dug in his leather black jacket pocket gripping his wallet. He fumbled with it for a few minutes before revealing a photograph of Noah on Alaska’s lap with the All Time Low boys huddled around joking around while Noah blew out his birthday candles. Each person wearing identical bright smiles as they watched an eager Noah. Jack threw the photo on the ground next to Alex’s body.

Alex bit his lip and ripped his gaze away from the photograph, “There’s your proof.” Jack muttered scrunching up his face.

A shriek in the distance eased the thick tension a fraction of a second as Amelia came rushing out of the house towards Alex swearing fiercely when she saw his face bruised and battered. It was changing a horrid mixture of purple, black and brown.

“What the hell is going on here?” She cried whirling around to face Jack, Zack, Rian, Matt and Vinny with her hands firmly placed on her hips in a defiant manner. Jack’s gaze never wavered from Alex’s.

“Why don’t you ask him?” He spoke to Amelia in a eerie calm voice. Jack turned on his heel pushing past the rest of the boys leaving Amelia to tend to Alex before stopping abruptly.

“Oh and Alex?” Alex placed his palms on the uneven ground and pushed himself upwards with Amelia’s help ignoring her fussing worried questions.

“Yeah?” Alex inquired softly; mentally apologizing to Jack for everything he had caused because he didn’t have the courage to say it aloud.

“Alaska and I never once slept together because even to this day, even after everything you’ve done to her she still isn’t over you.”

And with that Jack walked away leaving Alex clutching the photograph tightly in his hand.