Little Time Left

“Rena?” I called down the dark hallway.

She was crying again.

Like every night.

No matter how many times I tell her I’ll be fine, my older sister always cries herself to sleep.

A door on my left opens and Rhea steps out. Her Dora the Explorer pajamas were getting to small on her, but she still insisted on sleeping in them.

Her eyes were red, too.

Not for the same reason. Not out of fear for me. No, Rhea was still too young to understand.

What made her cry was Rena crying.

“Go back to bed, Baby.” I told her gently, kneeling down and kissing her on the forehead.

She looked up at me with her drop-dead gorgeous ocean blue eyes and stared at me for a second before nodding.

Rhea wasn’t like the average four year old. She was smart. She had noticed a change in me from day one, but she still didn’t get it.

She turned away from me, her blonde curls bouncing, and went back into her room.

I straitened myself, putting off going into Rena’s room and trying to comfort her. I played with the strings on the sweatpants I was wearing as I stared at Rena’s door for a second.

I sighed and walked down the hall until I stood outside her door. I tried not to hesitate too long for fear that I’d turn around and run back into my room, jump on my bed, and curl into a ball under the sheets, blocking out her sobs with a pillow. I couldn’t do that. Instead, I pushed her door open.

Rena was a wreck.

She has been for three months now.

She was lying curled up in a ball on her bed. She was only in a bra and underwear, her pajamas neatly spread out on the other side of the bed. I tip-toed across the heavily carpeted floor and sat next to her.

“Rena?” I whisper in her ear. She sniffs and looks up at me, her eyes red and puffy.

“I’m sorry, Riley.” She gasps, trying to quiet her sobs. She always tries to be strong for me. Not for Rhea or our younger brothers Reese or Reed.

No.

For me.

“Rena. You have to stop this. You know Rhea hates it when you cry. I hate it. I know you’re worried, but I’m seventeen. I’m practically an adult. I can take care of myself. Reese, Reed, and Rhea need you. You have to pull yourself together.” I told her quietly.

She looked at me for a minute.

“… I know…”

~*~*~*~*~*~

Months passed. My condition only got worse.

I had to be admitted into the hospital.

Some days were okay. I’d smile and joke with my siblings about the hospital food. I’d let Rhea sit on my lap and we’d mess around with the remote to the bed.

Some days I wanted to curl up and die. Each breath is painful and Rena keeps my younger siblings away.

Less and less okay days occurred as time progressed.

Eventually I was in pain all the time. My only smiles were fake and forced to keep Rhea and Reed from worrying. Rena and Reese could easily see through my disguise.

Then the day came when I could barely open my eyes I was so weak. Drawing in air for each breath was a constant, painful struggle. I could hardly twitch my fingers.

This is it…

That was all I could think. I started expecting each breath to be my last.

A nurse came in, took one look at me, and told me that she was going to call my family.

Half of me wanted to protest. Not wanting my siblings to see me like this.

The other half selfishly wanted to get one more glimpse. Just a glance before I’d let go.

Another part thought that maybe, just maybe, they wanted to see me again too.

That thought kept me alive for the half hour it took Rena, Reese, Reed, and Rhea to get to the hospital.

They automatically pulled chairs up to my bed.

They spoke to me. Saying good bye, I think. I guiltily realized that their words slipped away and out of my grasp the second they were said.

I wanted to speak to them so badly. I tried, but it came out too slurred and disfigured.

After I gave up, we were silent.

I forced my eyes to gaze into each of theirs’. Hazel, green, hazel, ocean blue and repeat.

I knew the final moment was growing nearer and nearer. I could feel it.

So when the feeling reached the boiling point, right as I felt myself slipping away, I made one last cycle.

“Goodbye…” I barely managed to whisper. It came out almost inaudible, but I knew they heard.

Then, I let my eyes slide closed and let myself sink into the darkness.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Cancer victims who don't accept their fate, who don't learn to live with it, will only destroy what little time they have left.
- Ingrid Bergman