Closer to the Edge

“Are you okay?” Paul asked, fingers laced tightly with Rowan’s as the car sped down the street.

Rowan looked over at him and shrugged; she really didn’t know how to answer that because she really didn’t know how to feel. She kept telling herself that it was part of the job, just part of the job; but that didn’t reassure her in any way. She tried to tell herself that what just happened, what she had helped plan, was supposed to happen. She felt bad and briefly wondered if she should feel worse; but when she looked deep into Paul’s eyes, she saw a glimmer of relief and knew that, okay, it was bad and horrible and all other adjectives that could be used to describe it, but. But it was for Paul. And somehow, that was able to push aside any doubts she had.

“Rowan?” he asked, squeezing her hand a little tighter.

Rowan smiled softly. “I’m…okay,” she told him.

“Yeah?” he asked as the car pulled into the driveway.

“Yeah. I just have to talk to my dad,” Rowan said as Martin pulled the car up in front of her house. Her knee had been bouncing the whole time (much to Paul’s chagrin) in anticipation, and she had climbed out of the car before Martin had even put it in park and was up the steps before Paul could stop her. She threw open the door and almost tripped over the bags that were sitting there; she probably would have if Paul wasn’t there to support her.

“Are you okay?” Paul asked.

Rowan frowned instantly as her eyes fell upon all of the bags sitting in the foyer of her house. “What the fuck is this?!” she yelled.

Nicolo heard his daughter yell and shared a look with his wife before grabbing her hand and exiting the office. When they entered the hallway, he shook his head. “Rowan—“

“Dad, what’s going on?” she asked.

“Rowan, calm down,” Nicolo said.

Rowan frowned. “Dad, we’re all supposed to be gone by now. I thought we were going to our summer house for a few days until this died down? And you’re not ready, and you’re standing there staring at me like I’m crazy. So what is going on?” she asked him.

“There’s been a change of plans, Rowan,” Cristina told her daughter softly.

Paul reached forward and gently gripped Rowan’s shoulders, pulling her back against her chest. “What’s been changed?” Paul asked calmly, for he knew that if Rowan continued the conversation that she might hyperventilate. Or maybe not something so extreme, but he knew that she would be upset.

“The four of you are leaving,” Nicolo told them, “but not us.”

Rowan’s eyes widened. “But dad—“

“Rowan, this is the right decision for all of us,” Cristina said.

“Why?!” Rowan asked. “I can’t just leave you guys here! What if everything is drawn back to you?!”

Nicolo shook his head. “It won’t be. And if it is, then we’ll deal with that when it happens,” he said reasonably.

“The four of you will be leaving in ten minutes. Your bags are already packed and the plane is waiting to take off,” Cristina said.

“Why aren’t you going with us?” Paul asked. Truth be told, he was just as confused as Rowan.

“We have our reasons,” Nicolo told him.

“Where are we going?” Martin asked.

“We can’t tell you that,” Cristina said.

Rowan shook her head again. “No, I can’t leave you here,” she said.

“You have to, Rowan,” Nicolo told his daughter softly.

“Dad, I—What if we leave and you guys get in trouble?” Rowan asked. “Then I can’t help. I’ll be gone and it’ll be all my fault.”

“No, it won’t be,” Nicolo said. “It won’t get traced back to us.”

“But why risk it, Mr. Delvecchio?” Paul asked. “There’s no way you and your wife can potentially get blamed for what I wanted to do,” Paul exclaimed.

“Listen to me, Paul,” Nicolo said. “We knew the potential risks when you came to us and asked for our help. We took on the challenge anyway. Therefore, we’re all in this together. And I will not have my daughter suffer for something that I agreed to. Rowan is…the most important thing in my life,” he said, shifting his gaze from Paul to his daughter, surprised when he saw tears welling up in her eyes; he was almost positive that he had never seen her cry. “And what’s going to keep her safe right now, is getting far away from Boston. And I know she won’t go without you. And you won’t go without Martin, who won’t go without Ash. Therefore, you’re all leaving Boston within the hour.”

“What if I don’t want to go?” Rowan asked.

“Rowan, I haven’t been the best father in the world,” Nicolo said with a slight shrug. “And most of that is my fault. Let me make this up to you. Let me do one thing for you, Rowan.”

“Will you ever come join us?” she asked.

“If everything works out, yes. Though not soon—not for a few months, maybe a year,” Nicolo explained.

Rowan looked over her shoulder at Paul. “Can we…have a minute?”

“Of course,” Paul said with a nod before pressing a kiss to her forehead. Releasing her from his hold, he glanced back at Martin and Ash, who had remained silent, and led them out of the room.

Rowan crossed her arms over her chest, looking between both of her parents. She bit her lip, unsure of how to say what was on her mind. She might have never been close with her parents, but this was not a situation that she wanted to be in either. While it felt like a lose-lose scenario, she knew that down the line she would be able to find all of the positives. But it was hard to do so then, in the moment.

“Rowan,” Cristina said with a sigh. Her heart broke for her daughter and she found herself wishing that she had been a better mother.

“I’m never going to see you again, am I?” Rowan asked quietly, a few tears falling down her cheeks. And, okay, she had never been a crier. She had been told at an early age that crying is a weakness, and the Delvecchio’s aren’t weak. And maybe that was a little extreme, but she took it to heart. And this might have been the first time she cried in years, she wasn’t sure, but she knew that she definitely wasn’t a fan of the way her eyes stung and the way her tears stained her cheeks. Of course, her nose was probably an unattractive shade of red while her eyes were swollen; and it actually had nothing to do with how she looked, it had everything to do with how she felt. And right then, she didn’t feel too good.

Nicolo looked down at his feet, unsure of how to answer his daughter. He had never lied to her before—omitted information, of course, stretched the truth to protect her, obviously—but outright lie? No. No, he had decided that he wouldn’t treat his children the way his father treated him. He was going to do things differently. But seeing the look of hurt on her face didn’t make him feel like a better father; it made him feel worse. “Rowan, sweetheart,” he said softly before stepping forward and wrapping his arms around her small frame. “I love you.”

Rowan wrapped her arms around her father, hugging him tightly. She was too worried that this might be the last chance that she ever had. And there were so many things she wanted to say, but she didn’t know how. And most of the things she had to say were trivial and unimportant. Those could always wait. “I love you, too,” she told him; those were the words that couldn’t wait.

Her father pressed a kiss against her temple. “You’ll understand one day.”

“I know I will,” Rowan told him. “I understand now. I just…wish that it didn’t have to be this way.”

“I know, sweetheart,” Nicolo said softly. “I was never able to give you the life that you deserve.”

“Dad, I have everything I could ever want,” Rowan said. “It’s never been about that.”

“But you don’t. You have to go day by day, wondering if your family is okay, and wondering if you’re going to be attacked next. And that’s no way for a sixteen year old girl to live,” he explained. “I want you to have that normal life—staying up way too late, going to see movies on a Wednesday night when you have school the next day, going to concerts, and just…not worrying about every little thing that goes on. And this is the only way that I can give you that.”

“But what if that’s not what I want anymore, dad?”

Nicolo nodded slowly. “It’s what you deserve. And you do want it—you just don’t want to give us up for it.”

Okay, maybe he was right. Rowan just didn’t want to admit it. She turned to her mother and gave her a tight hug as well, kissing her cheek. “I love you, mom,” she told her.

“I love you, too, sweetheart,” Cristina said softly. “You guys need to go, though.”

Rowan nodded and yelled for Paul and the others to join her. She didn’t say a word, though; she simply picked up her bag and walked out of the house. She didn’t want to start another round of goodbyes, as she feared she wouldn’t be able to stop herself or the tears.

Paul watched Rowan exit the house and he couldn’t help but want to run after her. But he owed her parents more than just running out on them, especially after everything they had done for him. He turned back to the Delvecchio’s and reached out to shake Nicolo’s hand. “Thank you, Mr. Delvecchio, for everything,” Paul told him sincerely. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Nicolo nodded and shook his hand tightly. “Just promise me that you’ll take care of her,” he said. “That’s all I ask in return.”

Paul nodded. “I swear that nothing bad will happen to her. You have my word,” Paul told him.

“Thank you.”

Paul nodded again and hugged her mother tightly, even though he had minimal interaction with her. “Thank you,” he whispered. He took a step back and waited for Martin and Ash to say their goodbyes before he led them out towards the car again. He climbed into the back seat, next to Rowan. And he didn’t even have to say anything.

Rowan reached over and took Paul’s hand in hers.

“It’s going to be—“

“If you say ‘okay,’ I’m going to have to punch you,” Rowan said softly, shifting in the seat so she could rest her head on his shoulder.

Paul smiled. “How about perfect?”

Rowan sighed. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“I told you we’d get out, didn’t I?”

Rowan glanced up at him. He was right. He had promised that they would get out. And now they were. And while he knew he didn’t do it herself, it was still happening. And she realized then that Paul had never, ever let her down. And it would be stupid of her to expect him to do so now. “You did,” she said quietly.

Paul smiled and rested his head on top of hers. All he wanted to do was keep her safe, and he was determined to do so, no matter where their next journey took them.

“Hey, Paul?”

“Yes, Rowan?”

“Thank you.”