You've Made Your Bed

“I can’t believe she’s dead” Josh muttered, he watched as the casket carrying Laurens body was moved towards the front of the church, the lid was closed as requested. Josh didn’t want anyone seeing Lauren cold and lifeless, he didn’t think it was fair on her.

A couple of weeks ago Lauren had died and instantly Josh decided it was best for Lauren to be laid to rest next to her son. “Me neither” Chris sighed, he thought he’d be happy when this day finally came; but instead he was torn. He didn’t know why but he wanted to cry, he was blaming it on the other guys being so emotional around him though, he refused to let anyone know he actually cared about her.

“Matt” Max whimpered, he was walking next to Matt directly behind the coffin looking like he wanted to be in a coffin himself at this point.

“What’s up Max?” Matt choked out, he wasn’t holding up very well himself. He, along with Josh, Dan and Max were asked to go up the front and give speeches, at the end of the day they knew more about Lauren then anyone. Matt wanted to stand up the front and tell everyone it was his fault, have everyone hate him instead of hating Lauren and saying how selfish she was.

“I can’t do it”

“Can’t do what?” Matt replied, Max took a deep breath, his body visibly shaking.

“I can’t bury her Matt. I’ll never be able to see her face again” Max whimpered, Matt knew this was going to happen, instead of complaining he just entwined his and Max’s fingers and continued to walk towards the church in silence. He didn’t care if they looked gay, he needed to comfort his best friend.

Once inside the church everyone took their seats and watched the priest at the front. “We are here today to celebrate the life of Lauren Summer Franceschi” the priest started, Josh let a tear fall down his face which all his friends quickly noticed. None of them made a move to comfort him apart from Chris though. “Lauren was a loved daughter, wife, sister and mother”. The guys froze when they mentioned the words sister, she had siblings?

“Let us commend Lauren to the mercy of god” The priest said, everyone bowed their heads down, there was silence in the room apart from sobbing heard from lots of people. The priest read a couple of poems before stopping and then coming to stand in front of the crowd again, “Laurens husband is now going to come and sing a song to send Lauren off with”.

Josh stood up from his seat, he was nervous but most of all, he was heartbroken, this song pretty much summed him up. Josh took the acoustic guitar from the front and sat on the stall placing the guitar on his lap, he looked up towards the sky and with a sigh strummed the first chords, “This one’s for you Lauren” he whispered.

“Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry” Josh sung, his voice hadn’t cracked yet, “You don’t know how lovely you are” Josh cracked a smile at this, he was always telling Lauren she was lovely. “I had to find you, tell you I need you” Josh was getting more into the song, but the more he was getting into the song, the more he wanted to cry. “Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions, oh lets go back to the start”, Josh sounded like he was pleading to go back to the start when he sung them lyrics. Josh took a deep breath and blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall down his face, “Running in circles, coming up tails” Josh was nearly whispering now, “Heads on a science apart”.

Josh started to strum harder his voice getting louder, “Nobody said it was easy”. The words fit Josh so much; he wanted someone to say it was easy to move on, he wanted someone to fall back on, “It’s such a shame for us to part”. He wanted her back now, he couldn’t deal with her gone, he wanted her now. He couldn’t be without her, he needed to be with her. “Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard” Josh cracked, his voice was wavering and tears were falling down his face now, people were gasping in the audience, them people including Max, Dan, Chris and Matt. He’d finally cried. He’d finally cried over Laurens death, they’d gotten their best friend back at last. The hard ass Josh was gone. “Oh take me back to the start” Josh whimpered.

Max stood up and ran to the front wrapping his arms around Josh in a tight hug, Josh stopped playing his guitar and dropped it to the floor so he could throw his arms around Max in return. He held onto Max and cried his heart out. The two stood there for a while before Josh felt he could move to sit, the returned to their seats and held one another tightly. All grudges were gone at this point. They needed one another.

“Max, Laurens best friend is going to come and read a poem he wrote now” The priest said, Max stood up again and walked to the front.

“Gone is the face we loved so dear, Silent is the voice we loved to hear; Too far away for sight or speech, But not too far for thought to reach. Sweet to remember him who once was here, And who, though absent, is just as dear. What would I give to clasp her hand, her happy face to see, To hear her voice, and see her smile that meant so much to me” Max finished the poem as quickly as he could, he wanted to get it over and done with.

“Lauren was my friend” Max took a deep breath, “But she was so much more than that. She was my best friend, my confidant, my first true love, and no doubt she’ll be in my heart forever. People say that you’ll move on after a death and things will slowly become easier, but they’re just getting harder. Not being able to see her face smiling at me is torture, but I know I can’t be selfish. Needless to say, this is what she wanted”.

Max was getting disapproving looks from people in the audience, for example Laurens parents, but he didn’t care. He was going to continue telling everyone what he had to say.

“She wanted to be with her son, it was unfair for us to even try and keep her away from him. As much as I want to have her back in my arms, I know that she’s happy and that’s all I want... for her to be happy” Max sniffed, he let a tear fall down his face. “I love her so much, and I’d give up the world for her” Max whispered, he stared at the coffin, “Rest in peace”.

Max walked back to his seat with tears streaming down his face. Matt rested a comforting hand on his knee, “that was really sweet Max” Matt commented, he wished he had gone first just to get it over and done with. But unfortunately he’d been stuck going last.

Josh shifted uncomfortably in his seat, the priest introduced him to the crowd. Josh stood up and reached in his back pocket for his crumpled up piece of paper. Once it was out of his pocket he opened it and let his eyes scan over the words. “Lauren was my first true love” Josh sighed, he knew it was going to be hard talking about her.

“I guess I have my parents to thank for that” Josh said, he turned to his parents and shot them a small smile, they smiled in return. “When Lauren and I first met, we hated each other. Words couldn’t describe how much we wanted to just hit one another, but we put everything aside and accepted what was going to happen”.

“Sorry I’m late” A girl laughed swaggering into the room with a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand, everyone stared at her in shock. Lauren was standing there, alive and well, at her own funeral?