Lost Without You

I left school after first period, not being able to handle being there with Paul being there as well bring back the painful memories of not having him there with me the past month, and went to First Beach in hoping to calm down, but wound up breaking down the minute I parked my Jeep. I wasn’t sure how long I sat there in my car just pouring tears feeling like I was being stabbed over and over again in my heart and stomach where I had to climb out of my car to walk to the edge of the woods that was nearby feeling like that I was going to get sick, but thankfully never happened. After I finally had calmed down enough, I got up from the floor of the woods and began to walk along the shore of the beach letting the waves of the water that was rolling up on land on my feet relaxed me.

After a few hours of staying at the beach, I started to get hungry so I left the beach in my car and went to the nearest diner for lunch. It was the same diner that Paul and I was often a regular at back when we were still hanging out and always were welcomed by the workers and owner of the diner. After parking the car, I climbed out making sure to lock the doors before making my way inside and sitting down at the bar looking through a menu that was already there waiting. I didn’t have to wait long until a waiter known as Janice came over to take my order with a smile on her face.

“Hey, Emmanuelle.” Janice greeted me.

“Hey, Janice.” I replied quickly forcing a smile before it dropped.

“Why the long face, hon? Where is that Paul boy? Isn’t he almost always with you?”

“Our friendship kind of scattered over the past month.” I answered not wanting to talk about him after I had finally cleared my head of him.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. Well, what can I get you?” Janice said and changed the subject thankfully.

“A hamburger with fries and sweet tea to drink.” I answered which she nodded to as she wrote it down on a pad. Giving me one last nod, she turned to walk away to turn my order in.

I placed the menu back in the place where I had got it from and just sat there staring at nothing, having no friends to talk or gossip with like every other girl at school does. Paul was literally my only friend, who had accepted me for being what everyone calls me, a half-breed with a Quileute father and a Hispanic mom. I had been bullied and picked on since day one with no sign of it ending anytime soon, but it rested for a while when I had lost my dad, which ironically was the same year that Paul lost his. Because of that it had made our friendship stronger, having something in common and understanding what each other was going through.

Janice soon came back to give me my glass of sweet tea before walking off again. I sat there for a few more minutes when I heard the door open to the diner and I looked over, surprisingly to see none other than Paul walking into the diner. He quickly spotted me sitting at the bar and made his way over toward me with a smirk on his face. I looked away from him not wanting to be with him or even in the same room with him at the moment, but I had already ordered my lunch and was hungry so I wasn’t going to leave. The chair that sat to my left moved and I just knew that it was Paul.

I ignored him the best I could even when Janice brought my lunch and stared confusingly at Paul probably wondering what he was going, sitting beside me after I told her that our friendship scattered. After she gave me my hamburger and fries, she quickly walked off when she looked at Paul. Still ignoring him, I picked up my hamburger and began to eat feeling Paul stare a hole in the side of my head. I had a feeling that he might have followed me here to get me to talk t him and try to forgive him, but I wasn’t going to. He had already hurt me so much this past month and I wasn’t going to let it happen again.

“Emmanuelle, can you please talk to me?” I heard the new voice of Paul’s that was thick and husky.

I didn’t answer him and continued on eating as if he was never there beside me or even said anything. His stare must have started to get deadlier because it began to feel like he was burning a hole in my head trying to get me to look at him and talk to him. I wish he would just get the hint that I don’t want to talk to him, but I knew he was a bit of a hothead a times.

“Emma, look at me, please, damn it!” Paul tried again getting frustrated.

As much as that voice scared me causing me to jump, I still forced myself to continue eating hoping that eventually he would get the hint to just leave me be. I had managed to finish my hamburger and began my fries mixing ketchup, salt and pepper to dip them in the way I like it. I was getting close to full and pushed my plate away taking a drink from my tea. Janice finally came back over to hand me my check knowing that I don’t like dessert and then walked off. I reached into the back of my pocket to pull out money to pay for the food and a tip for Janice. I slid out of the seat I was sitting in, the opposite of where Paul was sitting to leave.

I heard a chair scoot across the floor and footsteps following me. Something told me that it was Paul and he wasn’t going to give up until I give him some kind of chance to talk. Reaching the car, I began to open the door when it was slammed close before I could even see the hand that had shot out to close it. Looking over, I spotted Paul staring at me with a hurt expression, shaking almost like he was cold.

“Em, please.” Paul said taking a deep breath staring at me straight in the eye, something that nearly melted my heart. “Just please, let me try to explain to you what happened and why I haven’t talked to you in the last month. I need to let you know, Emmanuelle because you are my best friend and you deserve to know. That is all that I am asking for you is to just listen to me and let me explain.”

Sighing heavily, I knew I deserved to be told what happened and he deserved to be listened to because in a way we still are best friends, but I just don’t want to get hurt. So I decided to follow my guts knowing that it would be best.

“Get in.” I whispered, still looking at him.