The Invisible Gift From Heaven

When Tristan died, it felt like my heart had been stripped and layered in salt. The shrill agony was so intense, that I would scream out in my sleep and howl in public. Tristan was my everything, my love, my heart, my life. I remember what he told me, "I'll always be here, always,". But, he never saw that truck. The truck-driver never saw him. And in a second, an angel's life was shattered among the highway. When they told me, I thought I had gone mad. I laughed. And then I was brought to see his still, white body. There was a single bruise in the shape of a leaf on his forehead. How could that kill him? A tsunami of pain had hit me, and I could not communicate for weeks. I lost a stone and a half from lack of food.

Tristan was gone, what was the point in living? After a month, I returned to school. People did not know how to react to my presence, I did not know how to react to theirs. Hushed 'sorrys' slowly drowned me in a pool of hurt. Every-time someone said, 'sorry for your loss', I would feel like striking them in the face, screaming at them. You do not know how it feels! It is not a loss, it's a fucking death! A loss is when you loose a piece of change at the bus stop! A death is when part of you is ripped away forever!

Then that boy came. That fucking boy. Gabriel. Fuck, he was so attractive. Smooth white skin, the colour of atlantic ice, steel blue eyes that would freeze your soul if you dared look into them. A smile that would make your knees collapse. I remember the first time I met him.

"Hey," he sat down next to me in some class. Fuck off.

"Hey," I did not look at him.

"I'm not going to say sorry," he whispered.

I stared at him, totally thrown off course.

"I know how it feels, death. Fuck, I know so much about it. The way it hurts. How it cuts you off from the rest of the world. Isolating you. Then, the sorrys come. What is the point in people saying sorry? It reminds you, the cutting knives just slit you again," his eyes flickered as he said this.

I gulped down confusion.

"Who'd you lose?" I whispered hoarsely.

"No one,"

I looked at him. He turned away.

"I've seen it happen. I've seen how a person is affected by it. It was like getting shot in the chest, seeing that person crumble. Especially the way I cared about them,"

"Who was it?"

"A girl I used to know. Past relationship kinda thing. I broke up with her, in a way,"

"In a way?"

"I left. Moved away from her place. Found myself in a different one. Never even said goodbye."

"Why'd you move?"

His expression changed.

"What is this, 20 questions?" he grinned.

For the first time since Tristan died, I allowed myself a smile.

"I'm Anne,"

"Gabriel,"

I remember my heart doing a daring somer-sault at that moment. But it had been only weeks since Tristan's death. I felt no guilt liking this guy, and that was the thing that made me feel guilty, if that makes sense. He was my life-line, he made me not feel like just leaving this earth. Yes, suicidal thoughts had skitted over my mind, until he crushed them.

"You ever feel like killing yourself?" his voice was flat.

We were in the woods, on a smokey sweet summer's day, 2 months after Tristan's death.

"What?! Fuck no," I looked fiercely at the ground as I said this.

How could he have known how I felt?

"Anne,"

His hand tilted my chin up to make me stare into those catching eyes.

"You're not afraid to tell me, are you?" his voice was soft, and his eyes were drowned in a slight sadness.

"I'm going to tell you something, Gabriel," my voice was shaky and my heart was hammering, "My world was dunked in a vat of acid when Tristan died. Everything that mattered burned in an instance. Yes, I felt suicidal,"

He looked away, as if electrocuted by my words.

"But," I began, as he looked up, "You came. You're the one who saved me from causing my own death. Gabriel, I like you, a lot, and I don't feel any guilt. Which makes me feel guilty. You're my angel. And I'm sorry if my confession has ruined our friendship,"

Silence dominated the moment, until he spoke.

"Friendship, my ass,"

And with that, he moved in for a kiss. I kissed him back, grinning into his lips. A kiss had never felt so good. We made out under the willow tree until the sky dusted pink, and day turned into dusk.

I'm once again in this forest. Gabriel's hand is locked with mine, and we're crunching through the furling autumn leaves. The happiness is back, but the hole is still there. I still think of Tristan, but I love Gabriel. He leads me to a still, glassy lake.

"Did I ever bring you here?" his voice still sends shivers down my spine.

"No, it's beautiful," I'm awed by the wide pond, the tango colored trees, the thick blue sky. The sun shining down on the scene. The hot smell of pine reminds me of sweet sugar.

We sit at the edge of the pond, silent.

"I love you," I whisper.

He bends over to look into the water.

"Look,"

I stretch to look into the pool. I see my reflection, hair a mess, but face full of happiness. Then my face changed as I looked at Gabriel's reflection. I could not take in what I was seeing. His steel blue eyes did not stare back at him. Instead they were a dusty brown, flecked with ivy green. His hair was no longer silvery-white, but a radiant bronze. His skin lowered from almost albino-white to a deep oak. I was staring at the face of Tristan. I looked up at Gabriel, who still had the same whiteness. As he looked at me, Tristan's reflection did too.

"I told you I would always be here,"