There Is No Formula for Love

Frank’s POV

“Are you ok, Gerard? You haven’t looked up from your desk all period.” I wondered, gently tapping his desk with my fingertips.

“I’m just really tired.” He mumbled, staring at my hand.

“You should go to bed a little earlier then. Don’t work yourself too hard.”

“I didn’t stay up doing homework.”

“Oh?”

“I paint late at night every now and then.”

“Really? That’s so interesting. What do you paint?”

“Whatever comes to mind. I did a periodic table last night.”

“Oh, very nice. You should bring it in.”

“I’ll see if it will fit in my backpack.”

I smiled at him even though he still wasn’t looking at me. I wondered what was wrong with him. He didn’t really look that tired. He usually comes in every morning looking excited and well rested and today wasn’t much of an exception.

I turned and went back to my desk, analyzing the kids in the room. There was only one more minute until the bell rang. Gerard packed up quickly and left as soon as it started chiming. Hm.

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I spent the rest of the morning trying to decide if it would be acceptable for me to sit with Gerard and Claire at lunch today. My nosy side prevailed over my maturity and I went to find them in the cafeteria. They were sitting at the usual table. I greeted them and sat down in the seat I usually occupy beside Gerard. He was still looking quite tense and closed off to me.

“Are you sure you’re all right, Gerard?” I inquired once more, taking my lunch out of my bag.

“Yeah, I’m fine, Mr. Iero.” He replied with a slightly hostile tone of voice.

We ate in silence for about ten minutes before Gerard turned and looked at me for the first time all day.

“I’m sorry for being a diva today, sir.” He began quietly, his cheeks flushing. “Can I talk to you after school?”

“Of course. I’ll be here until three-thirty.”

“Ok, thanks. Uh, I gotta go to my locker. See you.”

He and Claire stood up and threw their trash away. Gerard’s brother was left sitting across from me, blinking behind his glasses.

“Was he really up painting last night?” I asked him curiously.

“I don’t think so. I heard him singing at, like, eleven o’clock.”

“Singing?”

“He’s in varsity choir.”

“Oh, wow. I didn’t know that.”

“Did he tell you he was painting or something?”

“Yeah, he told me this morning that he was tired from painting last night.”

“I haven’t seen him pick up a brush in weeks.”

“Hmm, that’s interesting.”

“He’s weird, Mr. Iero. If you haven’t picked that up all ready.”

“He’s a good kid.”

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After the final bell I sat in my classroom leafing through the teacher edition of the Physics 2 book, trying to find the answer key for the last worksheet I gave out. Ten minutes later, I was halfway through the stack of worksheets. I heard quiet footsteps out in the hallway.

Gerard walked in, breathless, and pulled a stool up to my desk. He asked if it was all right if he closed the door. Intrigued, I said yes. He shut the door quietly and sat down on the stool, dropping his bag to the floor.

“Ok…” Gerard sighed, leaning forward on my desktop. “I was wondering… If I could ask something of you.”

“Of course. Anything.” I replied, pushing my work aside.

“Um, so you know I have a little brother and all that, but I don’t have an older brother. My dad works a lot so I don’t get to see him a very much and I… I kind of look up to you now, Mr. Iero. So, I was wondering if we could just kinda talk about… about guy stuff, you know? I’ve been having some weird thoughts and feelings lately and I don’t really know what to do about it because I haven’t really found anyone to confide in yet. I want to make sure I have a handle on my own life before Mikey gets older and starts going through the same thing.”

“That’s… an excellent point, Gerard. I’m really glad you could come to me. Of course we can talk about guy stuff.”

“Thank you so much.”

Gerard gave a huge sigh of relief and sat back a little bit. I grinned at him and we dove into a talk about growing up. I was really honored that he trusted me enough to tell me these things about his personal life. I think this is one of the things I was really looking forward to when I was becoming a teacher. I wanted to make an impact in at least one kid’s life.

Before we knew it, it was all ready four o’clock.

“How old were you when you had your first girlfriend?” Gerard wondered, holding his head in one hand.

“Um, I’ve never had a girlfriend.” I answered, wondering if I should spill the beans to him or not.

“Really?! Why not? Did they think you’re too nerdy?” Gerard winked.

“No, uh, actually I’m gay, but please don’t tell anyone.”

“Seriously?! So am I!”

Fuck, I was right.