There Is No Formula for Love

Frank’s POV

I was so grateful that Gerard accepted my offer. We arranged a little, well, not really a date, but I asked Gerard if he knew of a little place we could go out of town to talk. He said there was a family-owned diner two towns over we could meet at after school. Friday afternoon we were sitting in the tiny green dining room over milkshakes.

“My older cousins used to bring me here all the time when I was little.” Gerard told me, smiling fondly at the restaurant. “I was seven or so and they were sixteen. They would offer to baby-sit me so they could get permission to go to parties and stuff. I figured out I was being used rather quickly, but it was fun and I got ice cream and to a seven year-old, that’s all that really mattered.”

He and I laughed. I loved how comfortable he was becoming. I still had one thing I wanted to ask him, but I didn’t want to be too upfront. However, I couldn’t think of any other way to ask him so I went for it.

“Gerard… How did you come out?” I inquired finally.

Gerard didn’t look as taken aback as I expected. Instead he took a sip of his vanilla milkshake and looked around thoughtfully for a few seconds.

“Well, when I was fifteen I had a massive crush on this boy, who happened to be an exchange student from Germany. I made friends with him and we talked constantly, but I could never get the balls to ask him if he was gay because I never got any hints from him. He was so pretty and awesome and I think my mother realized someone was on my mind a lot because she would walk into my room and all my books would be closed and I would just be staring at the ceiling. So finally she asked if it was a girl and I told her it was a boy. Then she told my dad and that was it. The boy went back to Germany and now I’m just… gay.” Gerard chuckled. “It wasn’t really a big deal. My parents are pretty easy-going for the most part. I was really thankful for that.”

“So when did you discover you like boys?”

“I think I was eleven or twelve. When my friends were starting to talk about girls. I figured I was just too young to be attracted to them. It didn’t really hit me until I met Erik. I wish he still called me… I mean, it’d be nice to hear from him.”

“Yeah, I never heard from my first big crush again…”

“How did that all go down?”

“He was a crush that became a hook-up then kind of… disappeared. I was in college. I kept my sexuality completely hidden throughout high school. When I let slip about the guy I was with my mother was on the fence, but my dad was livid. I don’t have a little brother like you so he was really, really upset that he didn’t have a son to talk to about women or go drinking with or to football games. He really jumped to conclusions. I wouldn’t go drinking with him anyway since I hate alcohol, but you get the idea. Ever since I officially came out to them he hasn’t spoken to me. Then that last visit I got from my mother was the first time I had spent any time with her since my college graduation.”

“Wow, that’s awful, Mist—er, Frank.”

“Yeah, but I’m ok with it now. Why worry over someone who doesn’t care about you?”

“Was he hot? The guy I mean! The one you met in college…” Gerard blushed, realizing he’d completely changed subjects.

“Eh…” I laughed, rolling my eyes at him. “I think I could have done better, but yes, he was pretty fine.”

“Ha, sorry to change subjects like that, but I hardly ever get to talk about boys with anyone.”

“What about Claire?”

“She’s really picky and doesn’t like any of the guys at our school and she knows I was pretty heartbroken about Erik for a while so we haven’t been discussing boys lately. Well, until I told her I have a crush on you…”

“Oh, um, she doesn’t know about…?”

“No! No, I didn’t tell her anything more than that. I promise. I plan on keeping this to myself.”

“Good. I mean, Claire seems like a really nice girl, but it would be best if this stayed on the down low.”

“I completely agree.”

Gerard nodded his head. We continued talking until the sun was completely set. I walked back to the bus station with Gerard quietly. I learned so much about him tonight.

“I really enjoyed this, Gerard. Thank you so much!” I told him, about to step onto the bus from Kingston down to New York City.

“I had fun too. Any time.” Gerard beamed. I gave him a quick hug and jumped onto the bus. I waved from the window and sat back, waiting for the bus to start driving away from Kingston… away from Gerard.