There Is No Formula for Love
Pondering
Frank’s POV
On the way home from school I sat back and stared at the ceiling of the subway. I curled my green football shaped beads around my fingers and thought about what had happened at lunch today. Claire and especially Gerard were acting really odd today. I felt out of the loop. I mean, I’m not their best friend. I’m not part of their inner circle. Therefore I don’t expect to know many personal things about them, but it was almost too obvious to ignore.
I think they may have been talking about me before I got there. I don’t know why I care. That’s dreadfully conceited of me, but if something is going down I kind of want to know about it.
Plus, things are getting risky with Gerard. At least in my own head. I have to admit (to myself mind you) that today in first period when I was sitting on his desk I noticed how attractive he is. I don’t think I’m being disgusting here though. Gerard is a good-looking kid. I bet a lot of girls like him. And at the same time I don’t. I think Gerard and I may have something in common that we just don’t know about yet.
----------
The weekend was grueling between grading hundreds of assignments and performing basic tasks such as eating and peeing. I never really put a lot of thought into how much work being a teacher would entail. I sorely underestimated this job. However, I somehow put aside some time to research some good science museums in the city.
I wondered if I should invite some of my honors kids on the little trip as well or just Gerard. It would look pretty shady if I only brought one kid, but maybe… Maybe he’ll be the only one allowed to go! Sure, we can go with that. I can say I invited some other students privately and Gerard was the only one who got permission. That will work.
Oh hell… I’m a dirty old man. I really can’t deny that. I’m sitting around in my pajama bottoms thinking up ways to get a sixteen-year-old boy alone. What the hell is wrong with me? College wasn’t that crazy.
---------
Sunday night my phone rang. I picked it up, seeing that it was my mother. Oh, joy.
“Hello?” I answered, sinking into my bed pillows.
“Frank?”
“Yes.”
“How are you?”
“Extremely tired. You?”
“Just missing my little boy.”
“Did something happen to Ralph?” I wondered smartly, referring to her Maltese.
“I miss you, Frank!” She snapped.
“Really? I didn’t think you did seeing as how you dropped me off at the gate of Columbia University and didn’t look back. You never called until right before graduation.”
“I know, Frankie. I’m so sorry. I just… I don’t know. I was watching Oprah and I started feeling really guilty for treating you so poorly when you left for college. I guess everything just surprised me. You were such a good boy growing up and I felt like your dad and I spoiled you too much. I hope you can forgive both of us. I’d love to see you again soon. Would that be all right with you?”
“Um… I guess, but you’ll have to wait a while. I have to work all week. Maybe next weekend?”
“That would be lovely, dear. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”
“Bye…”
I rolled my eyes and hung up the phone. Things have changed so much for my family. I try to be as optimistic as possible when I think about my parents lately. I hate being upset. It just doesn’t work for me. Therefore, when I think about my parents I think of all the nice things they did for me when I was in high school. I learned a lot from them even though they weren’t really trying to teach me much. I didn’t get to express myself too much. I played guitar occasionally, but I always had to do my homework first.
As I sat I wondered if perhaps my parents’ neglect when I left for school scarred me in any way. I didn’t come out to them until a few months before I graduated college. I’ve only ever been with one guy and it was more of a friend with benefits deal. Maybe my constant working and fear of my parents’ judgment made me desperate and that’s why I’m so attracted to Gerard. It’s possible.
On the way home from school I sat back and stared at the ceiling of the subway. I curled my green football shaped beads around my fingers and thought about what had happened at lunch today. Claire and especially Gerard were acting really odd today. I felt out of the loop. I mean, I’m not their best friend. I’m not part of their inner circle. Therefore I don’t expect to know many personal things about them, but it was almost too obvious to ignore.
I think they may have been talking about me before I got there. I don’t know why I care. That’s dreadfully conceited of me, but if something is going down I kind of want to know about it.
Plus, things are getting risky with Gerard. At least in my own head. I have to admit (to myself mind you) that today in first period when I was sitting on his desk I noticed how attractive he is. I don’t think I’m being disgusting here though. Gerard is a good-looking kid. I bet a lot of girls like him. And at the same time I don’t. I think Gerard and I may have something in common that we just don’t know about yet.
----------
The weekend was grueling between grading hundreds of assignments and performing basic tasks such as eating and peeing. I never really put a lot of thought into how much work being a teacher would entail. I sorely underestimated this job. However, I somehow put aside some time to research some good science museums in the city.
I wondered if I should invite some of my honors kids on the little trip as well or just Gerard. It would look pretty shady if I only brought one kid, but maybe… Maybe he’ll be the only one allowed to go! Sure, we can go with that. I can say I invited some other students privately and Gerard was the only one who got permission. That will work.
Oh hell… I’m a dirty old man. I really can’t deny that. I’m sitting around in my pajama bottoms thinking up ways to get a sixteen-year-old boy alone. What the hell is wrong with me? College wasn’t that crazy.
---------
Sunday night my phone rang. I picked it up, seeing that it was my mother. Oh, joy.
“Hello?” I answered, sinking into my bed pillows.
“Frank?”
“Yes.”
“How are you?”
“Extremely tired. You?”
“Just missing my little boy.”
“Did something happen to Ralph?” I wondered smartly, referring to her Maltese.
“I miss you, Frank!” She snapped.
“Really? I didn’t think you did seeing as how you dropped me off at the gate of Columbia University and didn’t look back. You never called until right before graduation.”
“I know, Frankie. I’m so sorry. I just… I don’t know. I was watching Oprah and I started feeling really guilty for treating you so poorly when you left for college. I guess everything just surprised me. You were such a good boy growing up and I felt like your dad and I spoiled you too much. I hope you can forgive both of us. I’d love to see you again soon. Would that be all right with you?”
“Um… I guess, but you’ll have to wait a while. I have to work all week. Maybe next weekend?”
“That would be lovely, dear. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”
“Bye…”
I rolled my eyes and hung up the phone. Things have changed so much for my family. I try to be as optimistic as possible when I think about my parents lately. I hate being upset. It just doesn’t work for me. Therefore, when I think about my parents I think of all the nice things they did for me when I was in high school. I learned a lot from them even though they weren’t really trying to teach me much. I didn’t get to express myself too much. I played guitar occasionally, but I always had to do my homework first.
As I sat I wondered if perhaps my parents’ neglect when I left for school scarred me in any way. I didn’t come out to them until a few months before I graduated college. I’ve only ever been with one guy and it was more of a friend with benefits deal. Maybe my constant working and fear of my parents’ judgment made me desperate and that’s why I’m so attracted to Gerard. It’s possible.
♠ ♠ ♠
It's getting interesting.Comments?
~Ashton