Living Our Lives So Irrationally

I sighed. Flipping the page to the novel I currently dug out and was now reading on the back step in a lounging beach chair.
My time was slowly running out. The boys had been gone for a week and a half now which made me want to die even more. There was only another week and a half to go until they returned home to stay and eventually start working on a new album in the studio along with that as well. Matt's and my wedding to plan and go through.

But I had made up my mind. I wasn't going to let things get that far. There wouldn't be any planning involved. No dresses to pick out, no cake to test try and choose. No churches to look into, no honeymoon getaway suites. No partying, no alcohol, no first dance, no first night marriage hotel suite sex.

Matt and I weren't getting married.
I frowned repeating that for the thousandth time since the day, he and the guys left town. I had to remind myself because for a sake of us being both happy and me not hurting Jimmy or myself; It needed to be done.

I sighed placing down the 700 page novel. If only my life worked out like a fairy tale. Like the ones I used to read in school when I was a child. Oh how Cinderella had to fall in love with Prince Charming, she wasn't in love with anyone else, or cheated on the man who thought loved him just as he loved her. No these fairy tales were bullshit! No ones lives where this easy. And to my dismay, mine could only be blamed on one person: Me.

Jimmy was right when we talked the day before he left. I was a tease...well I guess I was? He wouldn't be attracted to me if I wasn't totally wasted at Matt's birthday party and if I wasn't hanging about him like I was his arm candy. But he was my best friend. He had always been and always will be.

Thinking back to Matt's party also gave me a weird feeling. Where was Matt when I was with Jimmy that night? He didn't seem to worried or concerned where I had drifted off that next day. Although he was also hungover and grouchy as well. Though he seemed to be hanging around a bunch of other girls which I hadn't ever met before. Who were they and how where they invited.

All his information seemed to seep back into my memory from that night over six months ago. I frowned shaking my head. He wouldn't know them for any special reason so I shouldn't of had to worry. I got up from the chair I sat on by the pool and stretched. For being February it was a fairly warm day, even though this was Southern California we lived in and the sun belonged here for a great amount of the year. Today was warmer than the past few which didn't bother me any. Though if my luck was as nice as the weather. Life would be like a fairy tale.

I walked into the house, opening the cupboard and grabbed a glass. I set it down on the counter and then walked over to the fridge, opening it up and grabbing the orange juice which sat on the middle shelf inside of it. I turned my heel and shut the door. Twisting off the cover of the juice and as soon as I went to poor some into the glass I pulled down the sound of a screaming solo erupted from the corner of the counter where I charged and had my Purple Blackberry curve.
“Fuck” I swore. Seeing where I spelt some of the orange juice. “This better be worth it” I growled. Setting down the jug and heading over to the device which blared the solo from 'Bat Country'. I noticed the number and sighed.
“Hello” “Hey, Em, do you got a minute. I have something important to tell you that...well you should know” spoke Jimmy from the other end of the phone. I made a face. His voice sounded weird, anxious and slightly pissed off tone to it. He also seemed rushed, running out of a building or off the bus perhaps?
“Yeah, um. Sure what is it?” I grabbed a napkin off the counter in one of the holders I had put them in a while back and wiped up the counter which had the orange juice over it. I then chucked out the sticky napkin and poured the juice I originally wanted in my glass before putting the rest away. “So what's up Jim?” I asked. Walking into the living room with my drink. Taking a seat on the leather couch and listening closely into the other end of the phone. “Well...you see we just finished up our set about an hour and a half ago. And well you know how we go after the show to the meet and greet table” “Yeah” I said sipping at the orange liquid and then setting down the glass on the coffee table beside me. “Well Matt never showed” he spoke strong and clear. “Um...ok. Is he alright?” I asked confused. Matt didn't just not show at these things. “Oh he's fine, as for now” he spoke darkly.
I was a little surprised by the tone difference in Jimmy's voice. He usually was happy and hyper not so serious and dark. “Why do you say that?” I asked my heart pounding in my chest. In a way it seemed like Matt did something to piss him off. But what?

“Well I guess he went straight back to the bus after the show, so I left the signing a little bit early to see what was up, I'd figure he might not feel well, something not like what I found...”
“What did you find Jimmy?” I asked panicked now. I was expecting anything now. Matt doing drugs? Though he wasn't one to just do blow out of no where or crack. Maybe he wasn't well like he said.... He wasn't dead was he?! Panic struck me. Would my planned but soon not future husband alright?!
“Is he dead or what?!” I yelled ready to grab a paper bag and start hyperventilating at this point. “No. Not yet” he growled. “Then what did you find?!” I asked. He wasn't answering my questions just getting more pissed off. “I walked onto the bus and you wouldn't believe what I heard!” he yelled. My eyes widened. It had finally hit me. I knew what he had been doing...