Down Low

“…seats should be in the upright position. Baggage should now be securely stowed in the overhead lockers or under the seat in front of you. Please fasten your seatbelt whenever the seatbelt symbol is illuminated…”

I tuned out the redundant recorded safety announcements and took out my iPod, offering Alex a soft smile before turning my attention to the runway a few hundred yards off. The dread I experienced earlier had ebbed away a bit, but I still felt a slight twinge of panic at the pit of my stomach. I have no idea what to expect from this trip. I mean I know what I wish would happen, but my daydreams aren’t exactly what you’d call plausible. Or maybe they are and any sense of self-esteem I may have left is simply shrouded by my relentless insecurities. Who knows? I barely recognize the girl I see in the mirror anymore. Her bones have become more prominent and angular, her hair has lost its shine, and the light that always seemed to exude a desire for adventure has completely disappeared within the shadowed remains of the human being that once was. I tried to think of any bright sides to this week that I could cling to and I only managed to find two: Alex’s company and the ten hour flight I’m about to endure.

I actually adore flying. It’s strangely therapeutic. The feeling of actually being active and travelling somewhere, despite whatever destination you’re headed for is euphoric and liberating. I love looking at the soft clumps of clouds that are so close sometimes I reach out toward my window, wishing I could brush my fingers over them. It’s so perfect and pure up there. The billows of clouds like cotton candy floats serenely amidst a bright blue sky. It’s clear up there. No smoke, no wars, no drugs, no murders, no greed, no hate, no death. Just air and beauty. I love flying so much I even made a playlist specifically to capture the feeling of flying through the skies. It’s mostly composed of instrumental based music like Explosions in the Sky and Sigur Ros.

The plane jerks to a stop around the bend and onto the runway.

“We are now ready for take-off.”

Over to my left I hear Alex fidget in his seat as the engine roars back to life. I gaze over to him and chuckle as he has his eyes clenched tight and his face contorted into a pained expression. It looks like he’s holding his breath. Well what do you know? Mr. Bigshot is afraid of flying. I’d never admit this to anyone, but seeing him in this vulnerable state kind of melts my heart. Kind of.

Just as the plane started to speed up the take-off strip, I placed my headphones on him and played “The Only Moment We Are Alone”. Startled at my touch, Alex opened his eyes and peered over at me, before slowly grasping my hand, interlocking his fingers with mine and resting his head back against his seat, smiling. Once we were steadied somewhere up in the troposphere (oooh, science!) Alex gave my hand a squeeze and handed my iPod back over to me.

“Thanks, Ef,” he smiled. “My aunt died in a plane crash when I was seven. I’ve just always been scared ever since,” he replied quietly. I could see the sadness in his eyes as the seatbelt sign made a short ‘ding!’ and turned off. I think the massive weight in my heart was starting to have an effect on him, and that just…made me feel like shit. Alex gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before getting up from his seat and making his way towards the bathroom. At some point while Alex was in the bathroom, I felt my eyelids begin to weigh down. I tried to stay awake, but the anxiety and sadness I’d been fighting all day had finally gotten the best of me. I fell asleep.

When I awoke, it was around 4 p.m., and Alex was nowhere to be found. At first, I assumed he just got up to the bathroom again so I didn’t really pay any mind to it. However, after about thirty minutes or so, I began to get worried. He could be having a panic attack somewhere all alone in a corner or something. I looked up to see that the seatbelt sign was still off, and I headed over to Robbie who was sitting in the opposite side of the same row.

“Hey, have you seen Alex? He’s been gone for a while,” I stated.

Robbie gave me a sideways grin and laughed, “Well he couldn’t have gone far!” I raised my eyebrow at him before turning around and walking through the cabins. After realizing the only cabin left was first class, I began to nervously sweat. Where the hell is he? I had already knocked on all the bathroom doors and had been met with people who were either joining the mile high club, vomiting from nerves, or giving birth to their food babies. Needless to say, I’m scarred for life and it’s all because Alex refuses to be a normal human being and do what he’s supposed to. Damn. Him.

Behind the curtain that opened up to first class, I was met by a pair of flight attendants who were bringing back the food carts for dinner.

“Excuse me ladies, but I’m trying to find my friend, he’s pretty tall, brown hair, big dimples, Iron Maiden t-shirt, smells like Axe and honey?”

“Oh you mean Mr. Davenport?” I narrowed my eyes at her. Who?

“Mr.-” was all I could manage to say before the petite red head dragged me through first class towards a reclined airplane seat that came with a swing HD television and much fluffier pillows. I guess you get what you pay for. Alex wasn’t in this seat either, which really irked me. Why can’t he just sit fucking still?

“I’ll let you wait for him here, but you’ll have to return to your seat once we begin to descend, okay?” I was really fucking confused. I know for a fact that they’re supposed to be strict with these things, but nevertheless, I merely shrugged my shoulders and sat down in the comfortable chair. I flipped through the channels they had available and ended up watching Family Guy until a heavy weight plopped down in my lap.

“WHAT THE HELL, ALEX? GET THE HELL OFF ME!” I screeched. The flight attendant swiftly came to check on the noise, but as soon as she spotted Alex on me, she sent him a flirty wink and turned her back to us as if she didn’t see a thing. Figures.

“Oh what, would you prefer to be on top? Heaven knows I wouldn’t mind.” He winked.

“Ugh, gross man. Don’t make me regret looking for you,” I replied, pushing him off and standing up from the seat. Leave it to Alex to just make things fucking awkward. He leant back on the seat and propped his legs up on the extension of the recliner and placed his hands behind his head with a giant grin plastered on his face.

“You were looking for me? “He teased. I rolled my eyes at him before turning away toward the coach area. Unfortunately he seems to possess the reflexes of a cat, and promptly grabbed my hand and pulled me back to him.

“Don’t get all bent outta shape, bud. Relax and enjoy the finer side of life,” he recited, gesturing at the trays of food being placed in front of us. The assortment of sweet and savory scents forced my stomach to do back flips. I watched as Alex scarfed down his meal of blueberry cheesecake, chicken and potatoes. I felt repulsed and pushed away my tray. Alex of course took notice and dropped his utensils on his tray.

“You’re kidding me right? You haven’t eaten a thing all day and I think it’d be safe of me to assume that you barely ate anything yesterday. Look, I know that you’re probably feeling like complete shit right now, but starving isn’t going to help you right nor change your situation.” He pushed my tray back towards me. “Eat.” I can’t believe this shit. I got up to leave, but Alex stopped me short, forcing me back down into my seat and sitting back on top of me. We were receiving annoyed looks from the other six or seven first-class people around.

“lemmego…”I mumbled beneath the weight of his back. He shifted his weight around so he could hold my plate in front of me.

“I’m not getting up until you eat something. It may fly with Robbie, but I ain’t your daddy and I’m not taking your shit,” he declared, moving the plate closer to my face. A large part of me was furious. Who the fuck does he think he is feeling like he can force anything on me? Another part of me was depressed. He reminded me so much of Lucas right now; I had to look down to the floor. And like the obedient little pussy I am, I ate the entire meal against the many protests from my queasy stomach. Once he was satisfied, Alex shot me a sad and guilty look before standing up and letting me leave. Before I could reach my seat, Alex ran past me and grabbed his bag from the overhead compartment before heading back towards the bathroom. He’s probably sick from the airplane food. Serves him right.

I sat back down in my original seat in a huff, putting my seat-belt back on at the pilot’s announcement that we’d be experiencing some turbulence. After another fifteen minutes, Alex had yet to return again. I decided that I wouldn’t even bother worrying about him. I was pissed off enough as it is. I laid my head on the cheap neck pillows they gave out and stared out into the sea of clouds, imagining that I was actually heading for Jamaica or Aruba. I fell comfortably in my daydream, thinking about scuba diving, smoking with the locals, and hitting up a top tier spa. Not too long after, I was yanked out of my reverie by a loud commotion emitting from the cabins behind mine. People were laughing and complaining about something. My curiosity got the best of me, and I warily got up from my seat and headed to see what was going on. Before I could reach the curtain, some man in a huge chicken suit grasped my hand and pulled me down the aisle, all the while flapping his ‘wings,’ running, and screaming, “I CAN FLY, I CAN FLY!”

What the actual fuck? In the midst of the chaos and uproar of laughter among the staff and passengers, I burst out laughing as well. This just doesn’t happen to people, at least not to people like me. We ducked behind the dividers of the cabins and evaded the co-pilot that had been called down to scold us. I’m pretty sure we can get arrested for this. Once we made it safely back to first class, the chicken man ducked into the bathroom and changed, probably destroying any evidence left before coming back out again.

Of course. I grinned at Alex as I plucked a bright yellow feather from his hair and tucked it in the seat cushion. He was beaming at me, obviously proud for making a fool of the airplane staff and making a hundred or so people happy.

“You’re an idiot, Mr. ‘Davenport’,” I declared, before wrapping my arms around his neck and finally allowing myself to get lost in something that wasn’t Lucas. We both smiled into the kiss.