There She Goes

On September 1st, Natasha moved from her parents’ house to a dorm room in the University of Arizona. There were no tearful farewells, no crying mother or gruff father – her dad helped her load up the car, her mom finalized details on maps and eventually, they filled up the trunk and backseat, and Natasha placed a small backpack of things in the passenger seat.

“So you’re finally leaving.” Her mother said, and Natasha nodded. “Yup. It’s a shame I didn’t get this over with earlier, huh.” She said dryly, and her mother simply smiled. “You’ll have a good time in Tucson. Get away from preconceived judgments and have fun. Don’t fail your classes.”

Natasha’s dad simply hugged her, patting her on the back. “I trust you to make the right decisions.” He said, before making Natasha get in the car.

Natasha sat in the driver’s seat, staring at the steering wheel. She was leaving Tempe – it had finally hit her – and before she could wake up from this dream, she stuck they keys in the ignition, turned the engine on and started backing out the driveway. Before she knew it, she was driving away from the suburbs, away from Tempe, away from the burning bright, overly familiar city of Phoenix and rolling through the highway, making her way into the city of Tucson, Arizona.

Everything was the same but so different in Tucson. The people were different – she could now say she didn’t recognize a single face in the crowds, and the geography felt different – somehow warmer, more welcoming to her. She let the sun sink into her skin as she drove into the campus of the University of Arizona, feeling relieved at every unfamiliar face as she parked her car in the student driving lot.

She parked her car in front of the dorm building, unloading every box onto a trolley that someone had left out and throwing her backpack on over her shoulder. She only had about four boxes and a fifth one that had been retrieved from the basement – she made herself not think about the fifth box, and this box, upon Natasha’s arrival to her room, was stowed far away in the back of her closet.

Natasha was unpacking her third box when a tiny blonde girl flounced – no, seriously, flounced into her room. “Oh my god, I wanted the window bed.” Were the first words out of the girls’ mouth and Natasha was unsure as to how to respond. “… Sorry?”

“You don’t even understand, okay, when I used to go to Interlochen, I had the window bed. Every. Year.” The girl emphasized the two words, as if they’d make a difference, and Natasha shrugged. “I went to public school.”

“Oh, I went to public school until my parents thought I was ‘acting up’, when I was only just starting to get into drama and stuff, so they told me I could pick a school to go to and so obviously I chose Interlochen, you know, fine arts school and all that.” This girl was rambling on, and Natasha rolled her eyes as the girl turned around. “My friend Josh is going to be bringing my stuff up for me, so if you’re going to unpack your underwear or whatever, you should probably get that done now. I’m Kailynn.”

“… Okay.” Natasha replied, starting to unpack books first. “I’m Natasha.”

“Can I call you Nat? We can totally cruise parties together as Kai and Nat… or does Nat and Kai sound better?”

Natasha didn’t care either way. It seemed like she’d already made a fast friend, and that was all she really cared about.

--

“Nat, pleeeease help me with this paper or I’m going to fail out of this entire semester and then I can’t go on to perform for theater troupes and become internationally famous on Broadway and maybe do feature films.” Kailynn whined, throwing a pen up into the air and nailing the ceiling with rather accurate aim, and Natasha sighed, finishing up her write-up for a lab she’d done in biochemistry – it was maybe a month into school, and already, Kailynn was about to fail her literature class while Natasha was doing bare-minimum amounts of work and making good grades.

“You shouldn’t have picked an advanced course; you should have gone with the other kids into the easier class.” Natasha replied automatically, scribbling her name in the top right hand corner before starting to try and explain the foreshadowing in the novella Kailynn had to analyze.

The two differed severely from each other – Natasha, calm, quiet and withdrawn, was a med school hopeful, while Kailynn, dramatic, loud, pushy and sociable, was majoring in musical theater. However, the two were practically best friends – Natasha helped Kailynn study and focus on things like homework and reminders to call her parents, while Kailynn made sure Natasha didn’t die of lack of socialization by taking her out to parties.

Not long after Kailynn finally started to understand her paper, her cell phone went off, and Natasha tossed it over to her.

“Oh, hey Tim!” Kailynn’s girly voice came out, and Natasha felt herself cringe a little bit. If it were a male – and certain female names – it was obvious that there was going to be a party, and Natasha could tell Kailynn would want to drag her out. “Would I ever? Oh my god, I’ve just been itching to get out of campus.” There was another pause, before Kailynn laughed. “I’m bringing a friend. Bye.”

“Please don’t tell me we have to go to a party.” Natasha groaned, curling up in her bed with her head under the pillow.”

“It’s just a punk house party a little ways into the suburbs, off campus. Free booze and everything.” Kailynn begged, and Natasha sighed. “You so owe me.” She grumbled, rolling herself out of bed and starting to dig through bags.

“Wear a dress or something, my god.” Kailynn commented, and Natasha froze up, remembering the last time she’d worn a dress, at the dress store with John. “No thanks,” Natasha felt herself say, “I’d rather stay comfortable, and plus, I wouldn’t want to ruin anything cute.” She was lying – she couldn’t have cared about the fabric of the dress, but she didn’t want to be reminded of him.

Once they’d all dressed up – Natasha in some shorts and a slouchy, off-the-shoulder sweater and Kailynn in a slim tank top and a tiny skirt – they drove to the party, where there was already alcohol and music in full blast, the wavering bass beats of dub step leaking through the walls.

Inside the house, it was the usual city-suburban party – kids half-naked and drunk, dancing people, pot in the air. Kailynn claimed she had to find her boyfriend, leaving Natasha to herself as she nursed a lukewarm beer and a cigarette in between her lips. This was how it was, usually, at parties – Kailynn flirted with boys or the newest boy toy, while Natasha waited for Kailynn to come back stumbling drunk. However, tonight was different.

A boy sidled up to her side. “Hey, can I bum a smoke off you?” he asked, and Natasha blinked. He was tall – taller than her, by a good two or three inches, with slightly shaggy, dark brown hair that hung in his face. Friendly blue eyes smiled at her, and carefully, Natasha pulled out her pack of cigarettes and handed the guy an American Spirit Perique. His face lit up, and he grinned, sticking it between his lips immediately. “Thanks.” He said, lighting up his own and exhaling thick smoke.

“Nathaniel.” He finally introduced himself, sticking his hand out. “Nathaniel Walsh. I haven’t seen you around before.”

“I’m Natasha, I’m new in town.” She replied curtly, shaking his hand with a firm grip before taking a drag off her cigarette. “I’m waiting for my friend.”

“Well, why don’t we go out tonight? Your friend… Kailynn, right? I think she already left with Tim, anyways.” He suggested, a cocky, over-confident smirk gracing his lips, and Natasha eyed him warily before shrugging. “Okay.”

--

“I just don’t think this is going to work out.” The same boy who pulled her out of the party said after a month. “You’re just… So distant. It seems like you have a lot on your mind.” Nathaniel sighed, scratching the back of his neck. “I hope we can stay friends, I really do. You’re really awesome, but… I don’t think it’ll work, as a relationship.”

Natasha wasn’t even hurt. However, she was slightly annoyed. “Yeah, no, it’s cool. I’m sorry I come off as distant… I’ve been… Preoccupied, with a lot of stuff for my classes. Do you still want to go out for drinks later?” she asked, and the boy shook his head. “No, I think we should avoid that kind of stuff for a while.” He replied, and Natasha nodded. “See you.” She said, closing the door and turning around, a wary sort of expression on her face as she curled up in her bed.

Kailynn sighed, sitting herself next to Natasha. “You don’t seem upset.” The girl tried, and Natasha nodded slowly. “I’m not upset. I… I have things on my mind right now. It’s a little confusing.”

Kailynn nodded. “I can tell. There’s someone back home, isn’t there?” She asked, off the bat, and Natasha’s face jerked up. “What?” She asked, a shocked look on her face. Was it that obvious?

“Well, Nathaniel just said, you’re distant. If this were about anything else, you wouldn’t be distant; you’d be throwing yourself into him to forget god knows what. So, it’s about someone. Spill.” Kailynn demanded, her somewhat shockingly accurate analysis slapping Natasha in the face.

“There’s… A guy. We used to be close friends, but he did things to me. So we’re not talking right now… But I can’t let go.” Natasha buried her face in her hands. “He’s only ever hurt me and I just need to stop thinking about him.” She summarized, sinking lower and lower into her bed until the covers were up to her nose. Kailynn patted her forehead gently.

“I know how it feels.” She sighed, but frowned, looking at the clock. “I got to go, dance class.” She said hurriedly, grabbing her gym bag and suddenly in a rush to get out the door.

“… Bye.” Natasha mumbled, and she could have sworn Kailynn said, “I know this story…” before slamming the door shut.